after 4th
so yea, yesterday was a mix of emotions. i went shopping with danielle and got a new bathing suit. then i went and applied for a job. we went swimming and did a bunch of stuff. it was really awesome. yea, then we went driving around and to cafe driad, and it was really really depressing all of a sudden. i tried telling danielle what was upsetting me, but it didn't work. i just sounded lame. it was weird and ugh, not fun. then we went and watched fireworks and they were pretty lame. it was all a weird fucked up day.
then last night i started thinking about stuff. i was thinking about me being closed off and not talking to ppl about my problems and shit and i was trying to think when it happened. i remembered right when everything bad was going on i was so open about everything. i would meet ppl and tell them everything about myself within hours of meeting them. but of course then i didn't have that many friends. i had b/f's and some guys who i'd flirt with. but i wasn't really close to anyone. then i remember once me and one of my friends, from earlier who i'd grown distant from, were in a fight. she said to me, "you know why you don't have any friends, kristine? it's cause you tell everyone everything as soon as you meet them. you scare them off. nobody wants to know that much about you at once." i think it was after that that i stopped talking to ppl. i thought that if i told ppl my problems, my past, my troubles i'd scare them away. i still think so. ya know, i thought, think that if i'm happy and nice and fun more ppl will like me and i'll have more friends. its true, a lot of ppl like me and i get along with almost everyone i meet now. but i'm not close to anyone. i guess with me not telling anyone i've closed them off. i mean but that goes into my whole trust issues and those feed into me not telling ppl shit. arrrgh. its all one big vicous circle.
this is so fucking lame...
then last night i started thinking about stuff. i was thinking about me being closed off and not talking to ppl about my problems and shit and i was trying to think when it happened. i remembered right when everything bad was going on i was so open about everything. i would meet ppl and tell them everything about myself within hours of meeting them. but of course then i didn't have that many friends. i had b/f's and some guys who i'd flirt with. but i wasn't really close to anyone. then i remember once me and one of my friends, from earlier who i'd grown distant from, were in a fight. she said to me, "you know why you don't have any friends, kristine? it's cause you tell everyone everything as soon as you meet them. you scare them off. nobody wants to know that much about you at once." i think it was after that that i stopped talking to ppl. i thought that if i told ppl my problems, my past, my troubles i'd scare them away. i still think so. ya know, i thought, think that if i'm happy and nice and fun more ppl will like me and i'll have more friends. its true, a lot of ppl like me and i get along with almost everyone i meet now. but i'm not close to anyone. i guess with me not telling anyone i've closed them off. i mean but that goes into my whole trust issues and those feed into me not telling ppl shit. arrrgh. its all one big vicous circle.
this is so fucking lame...