(no subject)
I'm going to leave this open, because I feel it's necessary to be seen.
Last night, I was taking the bus to Empress with Rhonda and Sheila, and Sheila was telling me all about Brookfield High this year without me there.
First thing that bugged me: I used to be the one everyone would come talk to if they were gay. I was the first to really come out of the closet there, and I dealt with all the shit first, and now... no one sees it, and sees the pain that I went through... and oh man, Sheila is great; I'm not bashing her at all, but what the hell? Why her? They've moved on... it was my pain first... I've faded into the framework.
Also, a friend. I don't want to mention her name, but she will know right away who she is. She was my best friend. I still consider her one, though we never talk anymore; I should have taken the hint when she started hanging out with the infamous stoners of BHS.
See, I used to be there for them. I used to be the person everyone came to with their problems. And oh God, did I love it. Despite their pissing and moaning, it was me, and it was what I liked to do.
...And now I don't.
They don't come to me anymore, because I'm not there. And it pisses me off that I'm just not there. Or is it that they don't come to me?
And Nikole... she's sick. It breaks my heart, honestly. I mean... I know we didn't get along very well for some time, but that's my attitude, and I suck for it. The last time I saw her, I hugged her and picked her up, and I swear to you it hurt me cuz her rib cage stuck out so far... I could have picked her up with two fingers... she can't weigh more than 90-something pounds.
And I'm not there for her.
Kelly Chew and Emily Duus were at the mall some time ago, and I was able to predict exactly what was going on in Brookfield, but they never told me about this...
I feel so... guilty.
Last night, I was taking the bus to Empress with Rhonda and Sheila, and Sheila was telling me all about Brookfield High this year without me there.
First thing that bugged me: I used to be the one everyone would come talk to if they were gay. I was the first to really come out of the closet there, and I dealt with all the shit first, and now... no one sees it, and sees the pain that I went through... and oh man, Sheila is great; I'm not bashing her at all, but what the hell? Why her? They've moved on... it was my pain first... I've faded into the framework.
Also, a friend. I don't want to mention her name, but she will know right away who she is. She was my best friend. I still consider her one, though we never talk anymore; I should have taken the hint when she started hanging out with the infamous stoners of BHS.
See, I used to be there for them. I used to be the person everyone came to with their problems. And oh God, did I love it. Despite their pissing and moaning, it was me, and it was what I liked to do.
...And now I don't.
They don't come to me anymore, because I'm not there. And it pisses me off that I'm just not there. Or is it that they don't come to me?
And Nikole... she's sick. It breaks my heart, honestly. I mean... I know we didn't get along very well for some time, but that's my attitude, and I suck for it. The last time I saw her, I hugged her and picked her up, and I swear to you it hurt me cuz her rib cage stuck out so far... I could have picked her up with two fingers... she can't weigh more than 90-something pounds.
And I'm not there for her.
Kelly Chew and Emily Duus were at the mall some time ago, and I was able to predict exactly what was going on in Brookfield, but they never told me about this...
I feel so... guilty.