Nov 24, 2008 00:40
While my life is going really good this year, starting March 2008.. my friends at school don't understand why I only really hang out with Nick and I don't have any real close friends. A few know I don't like talking about it, they think its regret, on my part..they are mostly right.
But, also, everything...to me...happened so long ago..I don't want to go back and relive anything. I was a stupid naive girl. I thought I knew what love was..I thought I had no choice. I keep people at arms length now b/c I know what it's like to have no one. I know how it feels like to lose my whole world. I miss my best friend. I miss him every day. but I changed, I can't go back to the beginning. I don't know if I would even if I had the chance. I did something that changed our relationship forever. we will probably never be the same.
I miss the fact that I ruined friendships with people that I never even fought with..but unlike most of my friends at that time, they had one thing I didn't, they had love, of some sort...i went to write out all the relationships but I can't even write their names down without feeling guilty. everything happens for a reason..and I'm glad I ended up with nick, but wtf, why couldn't I have found him before everything changed.
everything changes.
people always leave
but
sometimes they come back.
I'm so happy, I'm so fucking happy with Nick, I just want to tell someone how happy I am, I want to be able to call someone at 1 in the morning and talk to them. I miss having someone around, even if they are using me to nap at my house before they go into work. sometimes I imagine my life, had I not dated them. the mistake I made was believing my heart, thinking that even if I didn't have everyone, i would have him. I make mistakes and people don't talk to me. its been over a year. people have done worse things and been forgiven. I choose the wrong person, no one talked me out of it.
I'm officially moving on. as everyone has, or should have.
no regrets, yea right.
no one cares.
fucking fake.
I hate mondays.