innately existential
I feel like I don't have friends anymore. There was a time in my life where I'd hang out with 10 different people in a weekend and none of them would know each other but now my circles are so enclosed and familiar. In a way that's good but the only people I see nowadays are Lexy, Charlie, and Steve O, and I don't like that. I like them but I miss the other hundred people I used to see somewhat frequently... or atleast once every couple months. I haven't seen my Pelham friends like Ian and Paul and Erica in like a year; I mean I have NO idea what's going on with them; one of them could have od'd by now for all I know or joined the military or something. And like Amy Ann and Calie and Shannon, I was pretty tight with all of them before and now it's just... gone. Granted, people like Gerard call me when they're in town but considering the circumstances of events last time we hung out-- come on, I knwo exactly why he's calling. And Tommy calls to see whats up and Josh does too but I never SEE them. And Spain Park friends too who are just a few miles away; I never get to see Clay or Alicia or Lindsey and you'd think they'd care enough to call and want to hang out sometimes but they don't and the last effort made before long stretches of silence is always by me. And that's stupid. There is no reason for that. Then they get all nostalgic-- "Aw Jess I miss you," yeah, I'm sure they do. And at Springs I never had people I wanted to see a lot of on the weekends except for ButterScotch and Peter and now me and Peter are kind of weird and now that it's not summer with endless amounts of time, the distance thing from my house to Butters' really comes into play. And Scott's gonna fuckin be expelled, and life is really frstrating right now, and it has been. Usually I feel okay when I don't see my old friends because I'm constantly meeting new people but now I don't do that as much. Everyone's so goddamn cliquey. College! College college college!!!!!! It's not that I hate Birmingham; I don't. It's just that I feel myself waning and I'm adventurous and I need something new, people types of somethings. ::sigh:: I also need money, but that's not relative to the subject at hand at all. But it's not that people don't like me. People do like me. Just maybe not the right people. I went up to DC and all of Lisa's friends and I got along really well; when I went to Tuscaloosa to visit Mike his roommate and I got along and he said he thought I was mature and cool (Rachel told me this.) But people in Birmingham, all around me: is it that they are too involved in what's already there? I think so. UAB, UA, Auburn, Jeff State, BSU-- that's what people here are all about. I feel like I need something more... curious, driven, needy in the sense that they want to grow up and experience the world outside Birmingham, Alabama, from other people. Where do I find this?