Not a cross post!

Sep 05, 2008 22:56

I'm not feeling so great today.

You know what I hate? Having a crush. I know it's called a crush because it sucks, but still! And I also have a crush on a rather inconvenient person... someone I have known for a while, with ties to my college life and NoManch in general. I can't really talk to many people about it, so that only adds to my misery. Funny (?) thing is he likes me too, but it's complicated because I am supposedly leaving soon and I'm not sure if it would really work for a few different reasons. We do get along very well and have a great time, considering certain things I don't quite understand about him. But meh, I guess I'm not the easiest person to understand either.

::Siiiiiigh:: I guess after dating Paul for 3 years I am pretty new to all this crap again.

So another thing, unrelated to the crush thing mentioned above (believe it or not!), is my moving situation.

I have been in Indiana for... oh, almost 2 weeks. I think it's been too long in some sense because I am getting comfortable and losing my motivation to move to NY. Suddenly the thought of starting over in a new state alone again scares the hell out of me. I remember how the seeming isolation in San Jose really got to me... I was often cranky and ended up drinking more there than I ever had before. It shouldn't have been a big deal, and I sometimes beat myself up over the fact that I wasn't stronger. I don't know if moving to another city I've never even visited to work with people I've never met will be what's best for me.

Then again, northern Indiana really isn't the bustling metropolis full of opportunity that I wish it was. I don't know what the hell I would do if I stuck around. I can schedule a 2nd interview to work with AmeriCorps/The Red Cross near FW, but I'm not really sure if I should. I mean, it would be a temporary position (if I got it!) so it's not like a lifelong commitment.

So should I do what's seemingly better for me emotionally, or do something that I might find more interesting but also lonely?

Blech! Well, that's all for now. It's Friday night in Auburn and I don't have anything to do. I sort of love how damn quaint this place is. Sort of.

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