visualization attempt
I was working on visualization as a way to relearn myself, and somehow in it I found I just had to stop. I feel I am more connected now than I was before but I think I'm still pretty well connected most of the time.
On this trip though, I had a very mixed safe place to be in. At first it was more immediately the full moon up on the route 9 overlook. I felt safe and warm there in my jacket and welcomed different people into my life there. It was more like showing off a place I felt was mine to share.
It shifted a bit to the full moon in my backyard back at my parents house I grew up in. The one I would dream about running around free to just run and run and never tire.
Finally I ended up in my old bedroom, safe and sound recalling how it was. The paint that I broken from the way, one from building in the room, and other form playing my violin, and yet another chip in the wall where my sword hit while practicing. I then saw my child self, he was playing with legos and seemed content but distant. I stepped over and introduced myself and asked him what he was doing, I knew but he still answered happy to tell me that he was playing with legos. When I asked what he was making he told me he was making a sword of legos. shortly after I asked why he was making it and he just stared at me a bit. It wasn't a bad stare but more like isn't it obvious, and he told me he wanted to fight with it and be a hero. It was cute, but also I knew exactly what it was he meant. He wanted to be known as someone worth while, but not because he wanted to be known but because he wanted to protect everyone and the world. He wanted to right the wrongs in the world.
I couldn't manage to stand to stay in this state for much longer. So I pulled myself back and am still feeling even more of an urge now to have children. I have to admit, my inner child has gotten me into wanting that and to fulfill what we talked about.
He really seemed mostly happy on the outside, willing to just trust and talk to anyone. Happy to do something even though not everything was happy and the legos were just a place to do something when no one else wanted him.
This is really an odd technique, as it reminds me of how in-tune I've always been with feelings of myself and others. The problem is I've learned how to ignore them so I can live without the bombardment each day.
On this trip though, I had a very mixed safe place to be in. At first it was more immediately the full moon up on the route 9 overlook. I felt safe and warm there in my jacket and welcomed different people into my life there. It was more like showing off a place I felt was mine to share.
It shifted a bit to the full moon in my backyard back at my parents house I grew up in. The one I would dream about running around free to just run and run and never tire.
Finally I ended up in my old bedroom, safe and sound recalling how it was. The paint that I broken from the way, one from building in the room, and other form playing my violin, and yet another chip in the wall where my sword hit while practicing. I then saw my child self, he was playing with legos and seemed content but distant. I stepped over and introduced myself and asked him what he was doing, I knew but he still answered happy to tell me that he was playing with legos. When I asked what he was making he told me he was making a sword of legos. shortly after I asked why he was making it and he just stared at me a bit. It wasn't a bad stare but more like isn't it obvious, and he told me he wanted to fight with it and be a hero. It was cute, but also I knew exactly what it was he meant. He wanted to be known as someone worth while, but not because he wanted to be known but because he wanted to protect everyone and the world. He wanted to right the wrongs in the world.
I couldn't manage to stand to stay in this state for much longer. So I pulled myself back and am still feeling even more of an urge now to have children. I have to admit, my inner child has gotten me into wanting that and to fulfill what we talked about.
He really seemed mostly happy on the outside, willing to just trust and talk to anyone. Happy to do something even though not everything was happy and the legos were just a place to do something when no one else wanted him.
This is really an odd technique, as it reminds me of how in-tune I've always been with feelings of myself and others. The problem is I've learned how to ignore them so I can live without the bombardment each day.