Crazy nightmares
I woke up this morning, but this time from a nightmare, though oddly it was from the 2nd one and not the 1st. The 1st one I woke up in my bed in my dream, I having an aneurism and so I quickly found out how impossible it as to use my phone, but I somehow dialed 911, but my iPhone lost signal as I dragged myself down the hall to find help from jerry in the morning. Sadly, Jerry wasn't awake and I threw myself over the railing and then somehow I got his help as he tried to save me, but all I did was wake up in my bed, in my dream again. This time I woke up and had an aneurism again, but this time I woke up and rolled over to ask Rus for help. It felt so awful laying there, feeling I was right there, yet unable to tell him what as wrong, just kind of cut off and dying. Before I could do anything more I woke up in my bed again, but this time I was really awake.
I suppose this is what happens when you think about people long lost the night before. Back in school, a long time ago there was someone I knew who dropped dead of an aneurism. She died before they could even help her, and at that time students around her were just mortified. I should have been too, but I wiped it off as life and things happen. There was nothing that could be done, and as sad as it is, that I won't sit and crush my life because of that loss. It was rather cold hearted to do that when I cared yet didn't want to be honest. She didn't deserve to die.
I have to wonder about myself, in this dream. Did she feel as close as ever to people, yet helpless and so distant at the same time? I've lived knowing I will die and accepting it can happen at just about any time. However, this dream has made me see that I'm not as accepting of it as I want to think I am. That and I suppose there is a reason I tend to forget what the past was. Seems easier to live now, than to think about the past and everything that has gone on.
I suppose this is what happens when you think about people long lost the night before. Back in school, a long time ago there was someone I knew who dropped dead of an aneurism. She died before they could even help her, and at that time students around her were just mortified. I should have been too, but I wiped it off as life and things happen. There was nothing that could be done, and as sad as it is, that I won't sit and crush my life because of that loss. It was rather cold hearted to do that when I cared yet didn't want to be honest. She didn't deserve to die.
I have to wonder about myself, in this dream. Did she feel as close as ever to people, yet helpless and so distant at the same time? I've lived knowing I will die and accepting it can happen at just about any time. However, this dream has made me see that I'm not as accepting of it as I want to think I am. That and I suppose there is a reason I tend to forget what the past was. Seems easier to live now, than to think about the past and everything that has gone on.