My tweets

[asqmh]

• Tue, 15:23: RT @ SICKOFWOLVES: I AM IN AWE OF FAST FOOD'S CONTINUED QUEST TO CREATE THE LARGEST, UNHEALTHIEST PILE OF BREAD, MEAT, AND CHEESE IMAGINABLE…
• Tue, 15:24: RT @ SICKOFWOLVES: OH SORRY BUT I SIMPLY DO NOT HAVE TIME TO UNSUBSCRIBE FROM THAT E-MAIL LIST THAT I HAVE ACTIVELY DESPISED FOR NEARLY A DE…
• Tue, 15:25: RT @ chonkyanimals: hide n seek https://t.co/Q5BC3yzs1R
• Tue, 15:26: RT @ ___GreenTea13: 😄 @ kitten_academy https://t.co/xB50LOyill
• Tue, 15:34: RT @ laurenduca: NOT A FUCKING BILLIONAIRE, THAT'S FOR SURE 2020
• Tue, 15:36: RT @ StrayLiotta: Tell mom to grab the keys. @ AbbyandWally https://t.co/Zz8xEKrkpM
• Tue, 15:37: RT @ EvilCEOE: Kamala declared 10 days ago and Beckies from Brooklyn are already calling her "shady." Strap in hobos: 2016 was just a warm…
• Tue, 15:37: RT @ BoogieMan1199: @ Stop_Trump20 https://t.co/SJJBKcmXyt
• Tue, 15:39: Pepsi is the better cola. Fight me.
• Tue, 15:41: Black friends: I love you. Queer friends: I love you. Trans friends: I love you. NBPOC friends: I love you Women… https://t.co/VE3tueeXs7

• Tue, 15:44: Fuck climate change and the greater frequency of migraines it brings. I’m gonna drink a Pepsi, take some imitrex an… https://t.co/N3Hi6J98av
• Tue, 15:46: Still wanna pet it. https://t.co/uymsb3nfGn
• Tue, 16:02: It’s downright toasty here compared to where @ diannaeanderson is. https://t.co/5HGczli8uZ
• Tue, 16:03: RT @ petridishes: why doesn’t Howard Schultz just try to go to space like a regular billionaire
• Tue, 16:25: But - hear me put - what if we just...didn’t? https://t.co/gL44V7x8VK
• Tue, 16:25: RT @ ghostboyjesse: it’s bell let’s talk eve, remember to leave out milk and cookies for everyone who bullied you who will pretend to care a…
• Tue, 16:32: I’m pretty sure the cheap cheese I use on my sandwiches has never actually been exposed to milk.
• Tue, 16:35: YES. It is sad, yellow plastic that may once have been in the same room as a droplet of milk, but contained none it… https://t.co/nBYtjzYr5G
• Tue, 16:36: What did I do with all my deep cheese thoughts before the internet made it possible for me to tell 1700 people at once?
• Tue, 16:37: The nap I was going to take turned into a sandwich I am now eating.

• Tue, 16:40: RT @ EvilCEOE: Interesting: a little bit of pushback and she deleted it. The lesson here is we were too polite about smears and attacks on D…
• Tue, 16:44: So, fake cheese is still tasty. It claims it’s not fake, but nothing natural is that shade of yellow, so it’s lying.
• Tue, 16:45: That’s pretty fucking obviously a hate crime. “Possible” my ass. https://t.co/cehiRrG2Ll
• Tue, 16:46: ANOTHER great classification of my non-cheese. I have such intelligent, witty, creative and sexy Twitter friends! https://t.co/Zs5aa2VvNI
• Tue, 16:49: Yeah, thing is, I really don’t think the president can enforce an NDA for a former aide. https://t.co/E3e3yrwFnf
• Tue, 16:53: That...definitely a thing you can do, I guess? https://t.co/BN8eb2lAen
• Tue, 16:54: I honestly do not care who he, an adult man, had consensual sex with. Can we get back to the actual reasons he’s a… https://t.co/iDsoBcLcNH
• Tue, 16:57: I just scared myself. I was tweeting about how bad a cheese shortage would be and now I’m scared it could happen. E… https://t.co/Aolig9XeeF
• Tue, 17:08: RT @ tedlieu: Getting a snack. https://t.co/3gmwxoNTfn
• Tue, 17:17: Hey, remember when we had a president who wasn’t a total idiot? Good times. https://t.co/eTDV5sRTcC

• Tue, 17:32: My nephew has owned more iPhones than anyone I’ve ever known. In September, he got an iPhone 8. He dropped it and s… https://t.co/EUNUzYQ5D8
• Tue, 17:33: RT @ kittykatya: Loving the remake of Carmen Sandiego... https://t.co/g1ZNZD4ThN
• Tue, 17:34: Relatable. https://t.co/UkHcPxbL6m
• Tue, 17:40: RT @ WholesomeMeme: open for a surprise poem :) https://t.co/YN6Y4HHTmX
• Tue, 17:43: Next week, it’s going to get about 60°F here. https://t.co/Kuq4sTQhTs
• Tue, 17:44: RT @ DSADogCaucus: !IMPORTANT! dog wears glasses https://t.co/zOA0o1eoUx
• Tue, 17:46: Bring back #VinegarValentines! https://t.co/wYPd3vCGPL
• Tue, 17:47: Look, if he can find it, he can have it. I’m not using it. https://t.co/6D1VSIn4w1
• Tue, 17:50: I’m pretty sure it’s not women’s butts the gay boys are looking at. https://t.co/wtqsUgLhAk
• Tue, 17:50: RT @ charliejane: "Han... last name?" "I don't have any people. I just bounce around from place to place like a ball on a string." (officer…

• Tue, 18:27: At least my weather app has a sense of humour. https://t.co/lKKBMyUxRq
• Tue, 18:33: Y’all, my computer will be here tomorrow! It’s not as fast as my old MBP, but it’s about 2 years newer and, most im… https://t.co/UG1T9sbPav
• Tue, 18:35: THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT YOU DO. BE SMART. DON’T DIE. https://t.co/dulrxBTAEo
• Tue, 18:37: RT @ KillerMartinis: If you’re not ready to smash everything I gotta wonder where your heart is.
• Tue, 18:37: RT @ KillerMartinis: All my people are okay, they have couches or shelter. Do me a favor though and if you live in a place where there’s th…
• Tue, 18:40: There is SO MUCH wrong with this! I mean, she’s about as good at theology as Trump is at diplomacy. They have a sim… https://t.co/JoEOvaYmtu
• Tue, 18:48: Look, if Harris gets the nomination, I will vote for her. I will dance my ass up to the polling place and cast that… https://t.co/mYLRoYpNuw
• Tue, 18:51: THIS IS NOT A DRILL. STEPHEN KING HAS DISCOVERED DAD JOKES. https://t.co/UNnmC0FXsb
• Tue, 19:00: Damn. Wish it ran MacOS. https://t.co/LiY9q0JxQZ
• Tue, 19:08: Betty Boop: true queen of hell. https://t.co/llC0TEBUCi

• Tue, 19:10: All right, Twitter: How did Harry get the Marauder’s Map back between book 4 and book 5?
• Tue, 19:18: ALERT: DAD JOKES ARE SPREADING. FULL CONTAMINATION IN T-10, 9, .... https://t.co/0OyJxfgNIf
• Tue, 19:19: RT @ LadyElton: @ BadAstronomer @ StephenKing @ AnneWheaton https://t.co/M6fKdNYHYy
• Tue, 19:22: My cat is pissed I’m not going to sleep yet. She’s perched on my shoulder and making biscuits aggressively as thoug… https://t.co/X0yoljlmhI
• Tue, 19:26: My mother hates when I call it making biscuits. “It sounds like you’re talking about farting.” Scandalous. https://t.co/p04w10looQ
• Tue, 19:34: Neuter your damn cat. https://t.co/3fqxevEMBU
• Tue, 19:40: I am running for president with my running mate @ amaditalks because we are not having to go get out the car so we w… https://t.co/OEUHwmhD0Z
• Tue, 19:43: RT @ loremjay: I love chonky animals but it's pretty weird that if an animal is fat the internet celebrates it but if a human is fat they te…
• Tue, 19:43: RT @ gingerbouvier1: @ loremjay @ Jenny_Trout My brother’s chonky cat, Huge Hefner. ❣️ https://t.co/u53txdiQTb
• Tue, 19:48: Hey, @ Twitter: MAYBE DON’T FEED FLASHING ADS TO YOUR USERS! Fuck. I have light-activated migraines and seizures and… https://t.co/1iLbCc6KBl

• Tue, 19:56: This is a quality promoted tweet. https://t.co/9yVJgKVan8
• Tue, 19:57: RT @ babadookspinoza: I literally cannot imagine how oblivious to human suffering you’d need to be for you to be a centrist in 2019.
• Tue, 20:00: I need to go wash my face but I really don’t want to move.
• Tue, 20:06: Can we make a kickstarter for this?? https://t.co/BQZAo8ucTA
• Tue, 20:09: RT @ amymiller: For anyone thinking of moving to LA: I was just sitting in traffic, crying in my Prius. I looked in my mirror and the girl b…
• Tue, 20:10: I expect better photoshop quality in my cryptozoological evidence. I’m not mad. Just disappointed. https://t.co/sSFf3vmOIR
• Tue, 20:12: In kindergarten, we had to memorize Elatelephony. I still remember that fucking poem. It’s been 35 years. Can’t rem… https://t.co/qJHQFkckOV
• Tue, 20:15: I present to you Eletelephony, the poem that will not die: Once there was an elephant, Who tried to use the telep… https://t.co/ZxhstQhn9v
• Tue, 20:17: VENOM ISN’T A MONSTER! His culture is just different, that’s all! https://t.co/Llr8zELC8f
• Tue, 20:25: EXACTLY. Salient points, all. Also? He’s funny. That’s a huge point in his favour. https://t.co/NCKR7HSEW1

• Tue, 20:27: RT @ SICKOFWOLVES: THE ONLY WAY I WOULD EVER LISTEN TO WHAT A BILLIONAIRE HAS TO SAY IS IF I NEEDED TIME TO FIND SOMETHING ELSE TO THROW
• Tue, 20:32: RT @ mikamckinnon: Hedgehogs aren’t the only exotic pet to potentially carry salmonella - frogs, lizards, snakes, parrots, chickens, rats, g…
• Tue, 20:36: RT @ nyhcmaven84: @ girlziplocked Oh! Here was the cherry on top. This lady who got laid off from some $400K/year exec position was freaking…
• Tue, 20:36: RT @ lindzlizbeth: @ girlziplocked Poor people should hire nannies so they can devote more time to their careers. Said with a straight face a…
• Tue, 20:36: RT @ AaronWrotkowski: @ girlziplocked Also, "The poor will always be considered underdogs even when they are not, which means guys like me ar…
• Tue, 20:37: RT @ karmic_demerit: @ girlziplocked During the 2008 meltdown, one said to me "I don't know why everyone is freaking out about this. Nothing…
• Tue, 20:37: RT @ TeethBeetles: @ girlziplocked I remember my dad telling me that wealth inequality isn't as bad as it looks because all those wealthy com…
• Tue, 20:39: RT @ ZenSaiyuki: @ girlziplocked “upperclass people struggle too. my dad got cancer and he had to sell his yacht to pay for the treatment. he…
• Tue, 20:42: The social attitude that poor people should never spend on luxuries is nefarious and dehumanizing. And yet, I’ve de… https://t.co/iubndZqIlL
• Tue, 20:47: RT @ RantingOwl: Hi, fellow queer white folks. What happened to Jussie Smollett is horrible. But if you're only focusing on the ways in whic…

• Tue, 20:58: Wasn’t the deal that when McCain/Palin lost, she’s dwindle back into obscurity and be forgotten forever? I feel lik… https://t.co/LZt417jU15
• Tue, 20:58: Wow. I was not expecting this. It looks like a plague doctor. https://t.co/AbZZeHryMz
• Tue, 21:05: RT @ MichellePanchuk: My phone keeps autocorrecting “Neo-Calvinism” to “Bro-Calvinism.” It understands the sociology of theology far too wel…
• Tue, 21:20: RT @ BRAVEANIMAL: Like mommy like baby 🐱 https://t.co/I9z107094p
• Tue, 21:21: RT @ BRAVEANIMAL: Don't disturb dad, I'm sleepy 🙀 https://t.co/BBAI9LX1xL
• Tue, 21:37: The song “Breathe On Me Breath Of God” bothers me. Like, I’m good with God, but why does God wanna huff in my face?… https://t.co/TfIWSVeglK
• Tue, 21:46: Goodnight, Twitter. Tonight, ask yourself this: if Hagrid was keeping werewolf cubs under his bed, weren’t they bab… https://t.co/VxRqzRh5Ls
• Tue, 21:55: Seriously, how long did it take for someone to notice Hagrid had a bed full of babies?
• Tue, 22:05: That is not a thing I have ever had to yell. https://t.co/RdtCP9C9J4
• Tue, 22:10: Dude. If there is ONE PERSON who shouldn’t be able to wonder out loud why a gay black man got his ass mauled by whi… https://t.co/m10D9IcMlg

• Wed, 07:41: Why do I even bother checking. https://t.co/pV0V0IOLyZ
• Wed, 07:42: RT @ BugCatcherWill: Dr. Mario is getting progressively angrier because more and more parents aren't vaccinating their kids https://t.co/iIx…
• Wed, 07:45: This ship is getting crowded. Where are we going? What’s all the blood for? Why is there so much screaming? https://t.co/m0Qs1YikR0
• Wed, 07:50: RT @ loather: The noise a cat makes when they jump on your bed, retweet to agree
• Wed, 07:52: RT @ AmandaMarcotte: When asked about a 70% marginal tax rate, avoid dithering about the rates and instead say, “I just feel that if working…
• Wed, 10:57: RT @ iansmadrig: Now that billionaire child sex trafficker Jeffrey Epstein is back in the news, it seems like a good time to take a closer l…
• Wed, 11:11: RT @ PebblesPuss2014: I don’t do veg so you can shove that muck straight in my dirt box. https://t.co/0r5VaaVCLo
• Wed, 11:13: RT @ LoveWriteRead: Whoever she is did the f*ck out of this door! Tuh https://t.co/6lGMkv20Bh
• Wed, 11:15: RT @ therainebeaux: #signalboost #showupforwishes #emergencycrowdfund #SUDDENDEATH #EVICTIONAVOIDANCEEVENT Help. I'm not even halfway at go…
• Wed, 11:15: RT @ ohkayewhatever: This stupid thing I did in 5 minutes got 120k notes on Tumblr and over a million shares on Facebook. It still shows up…

• Wed, 11:17: RT @ rstevens: Tonight’s comic is about the most terrifying thing I know of: 𝙢𝙚𝙚𝙩𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙨. https://t.co/VkiKtfruin https://t.co/z18zmmbkPp
• Wed, 11:17: RT @ SarahCAndersen: https://t.co/Aaw1en4mZh
• Wed, 11:18: Molly, every damn day. https://t.co/MoYNAvPXfV
• Wed, 11:19: OH MY GOD. LOOK AT THIS SAD KITTY. https://t.co/Efq9oKgt1A
• Wed, 11:20: OMG THIS CAT! MY HEART! SOMEBODY BUY HIM A BALLPIT AND SOME HAMSTERS! https://t.co/08gleyqFfS
• Wed, 11:36: RT @ Vik165: Has anyone lost a black cat in Colchester? My sister has taken this very skinny baby in for the night as it was very hungry and…
• Wed, 11:38: RT @ JasStanford: POLL: Is Howard Schultz having a good rollout? https://t.co/G5ZVywtqGs
• Wed, 11:54: RT @ antigravitykid: Everyone look at this trans icon and how cute and amazing he is. I love this cat so much. He's such a good bboy. 😸😻 htt…
• Wed, 11:56: RT @ madaradically: I hope this makes your day because it made mine https://t.co/AdG3Mebv9F