(no subject)
so last month, i lost 15 pounds in 30 days. for that past 19 days of july i have been b/ping. i just had a long, serious talk with my director. he basically scolded me and lectured me about the importance of taking my job seriously. and he's 100% right. GOD how could i be so stupid?? i cant dwell on condemning myself right now, i need to get down to business. i need to lose 5 pounds in 3 days, when i'm supposed to meet up with him. i've been avoiding him for the past 3 weeks, which wasnt good on my part because maybe if i had gone to see him it would have been enough to put my fatass back on track. instead, ive been maintaining this weight just above 110 pounds, and when he sees me and realizes that i havent lost ONE pound in three weeks??? i'm going to die. what if i get kicked out of this movie????????? omg. i cant even.. i cant.
after my binge last night and this morning, i'm at a lovely 114.5 pounds. FUCK. ME. august 1st is when this movie starts, technically it starts on the 4th? fifth? so i have 16 days to lose EXCATLY 15 pounds. No joke. and unlike any other time, i'm REALLY going to crack down on myself. aka, my total calorie intake during these next 16 days will probably total to 2000. im not taking "not possible" for an answer. ive researched it, and this is what ive come up with.
in order to lose 15 pounds in 16 days, i will need to:
get a 14 day diet pill program that reduces fat cells and bloating and water retaining cells or something like that...
drink 69 oz of water a day. (i took my weight and multiplied by 0.6 to figure this out)
cardio for 60 min a day where i sweat and stay sweating the entire time.
lift weights each day so that i feel the "burn" (if i can do 12 reps its too light, if i cant do 8 reps its too heavy)
no sugar. at all. no sugar drinks, no sugar fruits, nothing.
and finally, (and of course this wasnt on the internet, but i know this will be true) NO FOOD.
well of course i know the no food won't be logical, even for me. i cant even go through a fast for a DAY. but im so goddamn determined that i know i will. and i'm leaving a couple options open for if i'm about to black out or something, idk. i've never done something so damn drastic. but i'm so scared i'll lose this. i wont let something so miniscule like food be the thing that tears me down.
fuck i realllyyy dont want to meet my director this week. i'm so scared. its so hot outside... i need to wear something huge and baggy that swallows me so he wont be able to see my body...
i'm so scared... why?? i feel like i'm waiting on an impending doom.... like death or something. why?? god do i have anxiety??? wtf!?
after my binge last night and this morning, i'm at a lovely 114.5 pounds. FUCK. ME. august 1st is when this movie starts, technically it starts on the 4th? fifth? so i have 16 days to lose EXCATLY 15 pounds. No joke. and unlike any other time, i'm REALLY going to crack down on myself. aka, my total calorie intake during these next 16 days will probably total to 2000. im not taking "not possible" for an answer. ive researched it, and this is what ive come up with.
in order to lose 15 pounds in 16 days, i will need to:
get a 14 day diet pill program that reduces fat cells and bloating and water retaining cells or something like that...
drink 69 oz of water a day. (i took my weight and multiplied by 0.6 to figure this out)
cardio for 60 min a day where i sweat and stay sweating the entire time.
lift weights each day so that i feel the "burn" (if i can do 12 reps its too light, if i cant do 8 reps its too heavy)
no sugar. at all. no sugar drinks, no sugar fruits, nothing.
and finally, (and of course this wasnt on the internet, but i know this will be true) NO FOOD.
well of course i know the no food won't be logical, even for me. i cant even go through a fast for a DAY. but im so goddamn determined that i know i will. and i'm leaving a couple options open for if i'm about to black out or something, idk. i've never done something so damn drastic. but i'm so scared i'll lose this. i wont let something so miniscule like food be the thing that tears me down.
fuck i realllyyy dont want to meet my director this week. i'm so scared. its so hot outside... i need to wear something huge and baggy that swallows me so he wont be able to see my body...
i'm so scared... why?? i feel like i'm waiting on an impending doom.... like death or something. why?? god do i have anxiety??? wtf!?