(no subject)

[aspiringactorx3]

new low for me. at least its not as bad as weighing 134 pounds, but im at 115 ish. which is NOT acceptable for me. i gave myself a limit of 110, and nothing above that number, not even a 0.1, and i feel sooo... rock bottom almost. im tired of my stomach always being full. its annoying. but im also tired of purging. at least i've finally gotten to this rock bottem. so i can climb my ass back up. omg i just remembered that i lost my prescription to concerta, my add/ makes-me-not-hungry pills and i haven't been taking them for weeks now. honestly i think that may be why my rock bottom came so quickly. it was a slow process before but like, in two weeks? damn. i honest to god think i'm addicted. and i refuse to stop. or get help whatever, i don't even take it seriously so how is anyone else gonna believe  me? anywho. you know there is something that my friends said about 3 weeks ago & i cant seem to get it out of my head. we were all talking about how we wanted abs like celebs and blah blah and my bff said "the only time i see toning in my stomach is in the morning when its empty." and i just remember thinking, "then why don't you just stop eating?" kind of twisted isn't it? but the scary thing is, that's what i honestly believe she should do. like, i didn't reprimand myself after thinking that. i'm coming back here every day again until i reach my UGW: 99 lbs. damnn babyy 16 pounds to losee. this is gonna be fun lol and i'm gonna feel like a goddess when i reach it. hmm 5 pounds for the first week is goal 1, and then i know it gets harder so ill give myself 3 pounds for week two, then another 3 pounds until my body realizes, "shit, she's serious," and the rest of the weight will come off like its a thing of nature. oo, i wonder if ill stop having my period hmmmmm....

oh happy valentines day!
did anyone else b/p on fake fruit filled chocolate morsels today too? haaaaaaaaa

my daddy called me a "hungry bulldog" today too,
how creative.