Identity Language = "being a victim"
I'm familiar with explaining why I say "Autistic" and find "Person with Autism" offensive (eg: http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/436505 or akin to Deaf not Person with deafness)... but more in a general sense (eg: writing an article or blog post to readers in general).
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I read your screencaps, but the Facebook links don't work for me, probably because your Facebook security is set tighter than you realize. I expect that your Facebook posts are equally inaccessible to everyone here who's not also a Facebook friend of yours. (I doubt that it's worth the trouble of trying to make them accessible.)
nickykaa's advice is excellent for the problem as you originally stated it, but the problem as you originally stated it isn't the problem you actually have, as revealed in your multipart response to conuly's question. nickykaa's first two sentences, though, are still excellent advice, as is the entirety of what pklemica wrote. I agree with what the others wrote too, but they were writing from the assumption that autistic activism was the primary focus of your interaction with whomever, and it wasn't.
Whenever I read something that seems really far out, I work from the assumption that it makes sense to the person who wrote it, and I try to reverse-engineer that sense. Reading that last bit from Erika, what I conclude is that she's exasperated by your apologies for being autistic. A major part of her exasperation is that she doesn't know how to respond. She wants rats, and advice about rats, and nothing else. If you can't give her those, that would probably be okay with her, but she doesn't want to have to deal with the reasons, because it's difficult for her to formulate an appropriate response to the reasons. Her statement to the effect that you're being a victim to the label was shorthand for what I just described, chosen because it uses few words and lays all the blame for her discomfort on you.
Fighting bigotry on the Internet is futile, even counterproductive. I don't try, even in communities I moderate, though I do suppress bullying. What I do instead is set a good example. It works. Slowly, but it works. More generally, keep this principle in mind: A man convinced against his will is not convinced. It's true!- and if you remember that it's true, you'll save a lot of energy that you'd otherwise have wasted, and you'll make fewer enemies. On the plus side, if you don't alienate the people you want to bring around to your way of thinking, you'll be better positioned to inspire an Aha! that genuinely convinces them, when the rare opportunity arises.
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