sorta new and looking for resources for undiagnosed adults
I haven't introduced myself since joining a couple of weeks ago so I thought I should say hi at the same time that I ask for some help in finding diagnostic services as an adult. I'm Erik and I'm 47 years old and a female-to-male transsexual living in San Francisco CA. My real work is writing but I only get paid for editing, currently. I do all my work from my house as I cannot handle the social obligations that come with a regular office job and I can barely work more than four hours a day without becoming completely exhausted even when I get to work at home alone in my room.
I have never been diagnosed with Asperger's or with anything on the Autism Spectrum although I have suspected it in myself since I first read about autism when I was maybe 9 years old. I have a slate of psychiatric diagnoses right now, including Major Depression Recurrent with Psychotic Features and a complicated case of PTSD. I survived multiple traumas as a child, and since I finished school I have had a tremendous amount of difficulty in supporting myself because it seems that to get money for anything one has to interact--and interact well--with other people. I can do that in print, so I can do telecommute jobs if they do not come with social extras like meetings or regular contact with anyone who is not already a trusted friend, of which I tend to have only a few.
Finding these sorts of jobs is not necessarily easy, because even an average telecommute job requires a fair amount of time on the telephone and I just happen to be phobic of the telephone. I have gotten through most of my adult life without too much outside help, other than nearly constant psychotherapy, but I currently find myself more on my own than I have ever been. That's a long story, but the short version is that I moved out of my parents' house and in with a partner who helped to support me for 13 years until I went back to school, where I was able to score one kind of financial aid or another. I graduated with a PhD in 2007 but teaching--which is about the closest one can get to being paid to think and write--is next to impossible for me. I thought I would get used to it, but I never have been able to.
I am wondering what others' experiences have been in trying to find diagnostic services as adults; so far all I have been able to turn up in the way of assessment is geared towards children, and it has even been implied to me that if I was not diagnosed as a child the likelihood is low that I have any sort of PDD. The thing is, very few people tested kids for autism 45 years ago, and my parents were/are extraordinarily obtuse when it comes to matters of social or emotional well-being, so I feel as though I have fallen through a very large crack in a system that seems quite beyond my control.
I have looked at the Golden Gate Regional Center's website, and am probably going to get in touch with them, but I'd like to know if anyone else here has any experience with this or other regional centers as adults trying to get an assessment for PDD. I am hanging at the end of my rope right now, trying to apply for disability, but, having been underemployed in early adulthood because I could not work consistently like "normal" people seem to be able to do, I did not contribute a great deal to Social Security. The last I heard was that the SSA thought I had not worked enough to qualify for disability (SSDI) at all, but I am still talking to an attorney about this.
So I am trying get evaluated for PDD because I want to know if I have access to any services; my mental health professionals think that it is no question that I have a disability, but it seems that at the moment I need to figure out exactly what it is--not only so I can ask the government for whatever they have to offer whoever it is I turn out to be, but also so that I can try to make more sense of my life. I score higher than NT on internet "inventories" related to Autism and/or Asperger's, and many things that I did, that I do, and that have happened to me would just be much more explicable if it turned out that I have been on the spectrum all along.
I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if I just "want" to be on the spectrum so as to have an excuse for my extreme difficulties with socializing, but on the other hand, extreme difficulties with socializing seem to, in part, point towards something like PDD, especially when looked at simultaneously with other features in my personal history. PTSD is certainly an accurate diagnosis, but it does not really explain the way in which I seem to have started out at a social disadvantage.
Anyway, if anyone has anything to offer as advice for how to find publicly-funded services in the US--CA in particular--especially assessment services for adults, I would very much like to hear from you. Anything from government programs to resource websites would be helpful--I know how to Google, but one does not always get the most relevant hits; so much of our diagnostic energy is directed towards young children that it is very difficult to find information for adults who may have slipped past diagnosis when perhaps they should not have.
So, um, hi, and I hope that I can make some contribution here even though I'm undiagnosed. Having been queer since high school, I am well aware of how some identities are heavily policed, but I don't know if this is one of them. :) I also hope that somebody else can relate to my current crisis and can help me to find a way out of it.
I have never been diagnosed with Asperger's or with anything on the Autism Spectrum although I have suspected it in myself since I first read about autism when I was maybe 9 years old. I have a slate of psychiatric diagnoses right now, including Major Depression Recurrent with Psychotic Features and a complicated case of PTSD. I survived multiple traumas as a child, and since I finished school I have had a tremendous amount of difficulty in supporting myself because it seems that to get money for anything one has to interact--and interact well--with other people. I can do that in print, so I can do telecommute jobs if they do not come with social extras like meetings or regular contact with anyone who is not already a trusted friend, of which I tend to have only a few.
Finding these sorts of jobs is not necessarily easy, because even an average telecommute job requires a fair amount of time on the telephone and I just happen to be phobic of the telephone. I have gotten through most of my adult life without too much outside help, other than nearly constant psychotherapy, but I currently find myself more on my own than I have ever been. That's a long story, but the short version is that I moved out of my parents' house and in with a partner who helped to support me for 13 years until I went back to school, where I was able to score one kind of financial aid or another. I graduated with a PhD in 2007 but teaching--which is about the closest one can get to being paid to think and write--is next to impossible for me. I thought I would get used to it, but I never have been able to.
I am wondering what others' experiences have been in trying to find diagnostic services as adults; so far all I have been able to turn up in the way of assessment is geared towards children, and it has even been implied to me that if I was not diagnosed as a child the likelihood is low that I have any sort of PDD. The thing is, very few people tested kids for autism 45 years ago, and my parents were/are extraordinarily obtuse when it comes to matters of social or emotional well-being, so I feel as though I have fallen through a very large crack in a system that seems quite beyond my control.
I have looked at the Golden Gate Regional Center's website, and am probably going to get in touch with them, but I'd like to know if anyone else here has any experience with this or other regional centers as adults trying to get an assessment for PDD. I am hanging at the end of my rope right now, trying to apply for disability, but, having been underemployed in early adulthood because I could not work consistently like "normal" people seem to be able to do, I did not contribute a great deal to Social Security. The last I heard was that the SSA thought I had not worked enough to qualify for disability (SSDI) at all, but I am still talking to an attorney about this.
So I am trying get evaluated for PDD because I want to know if I have access to any services; my mental health professionals think that it is no question that I have a disability, but it seems that at the moment I need to figure out exactly what it is--not only so I can ask the government for whatever they have to offer whoever it is I turn out to be, but also so that I can try to make more sense of my life. I score higher than NT on internet "inventories" related to Autism and/or Asperger's, and many things that I did, that I do, and that have happened to me would just be much more explicable if it turned out that I have been on the spectrum all along.
I don't know. Sometimes I wonder if I just "want" to be on the spectrum so as to have an excuse for my extreme difficulties with socializing, but on the other hand, extreme difficulties with socializing seem to, in part, point towards something like PDD, especially when looked at simultaneously with other features in my personal history. PTSD is certainly an accurate diagnosis, but it does not really explain the way in which I seem to have started out at a social disadvantage.
Anyway, if anyone has anything to offer as advice for how to find publicly-funded services in the US--CA in particular--especially assessment services for adults, I would very much like to hear from you. Anything from government programs to resource websites would be helpful--I know how to Google, but one does not always get the most relevant hits; so much of our diagnostic energy is directed towards young children that it is very difficult to find information for adults who may have slipped past diagnosis when perhaps they should not have.
So, um, hi, and I hope that I can make some contribution here even though I'm undiagnosed. Having been queer since high school, I am well aware of how some identities are heavily policed, but I don't know if this is one of them. :) I also hope that somebody else can relate to my current crisis and can help me to find a way out of it.