Introducing myself
Hi all
I'm new to the community, and honestly speaking I'm overwhelmed by the familiarity of this place.
I've managed to pass 28 years in the disguise of a NT with the camouflage offered by diagnoses such as borderline or depression or OCD and the usual, what have you. In total I got nine different diagnoses before it turns out I'm an aspie, and I've little to no reference on how to reflect, let alone deal with that.
I've never belonged, and the few times I've come close to anything of the sort, I've found that I don't want to belong. My general impression is that people talk too much of inane things, which brings me to the loop of self-doubt that tells me that I'm one of those people too, so I rather stay quiet. Therefore, I'm certain that when I do speak outloud, no one is interested in anything I say.
I've spent most of my life guessing. I have to guess what people mean when they tell me something, since I've absolutely no idea how the Earth turns for the rest of the world. For me it turns by words, and facial expressions have pretty much nothing to do with that, unless it displays sarcasm, which is something I can relate to, and fully agree with. I can actually distinguish that, which is quite absurd since I've learned that the normal people sometimes have trouble doing so. I find that ironic.
I don't remember much of my life so far, only that it hasn't been very nice, I guess. Bullied in school, left out, being taken advantage of and all the other stuff you've all either lived through or heard of, nothing new there. Some early-developement mishaps such as father dying and me having to take care of mum while she lost her marbles and got through various cancers, some trouble finding my place in the system and all that, nothing out of the ordinary really. Me, I don't really care.
I'm starting my studies at the university to get a Bachelor's degree in Social Studies in less than two weeks from now, and I feel indifferent of how that turns out. I already know I'm going to dislike it due to multiple reasons, but it'll help me get out of my current job, so I think it's all for the better.
I've come to realize that I can talk about myself in English better than in my mother tongue. I've come to find that I can type up things I've never even dreamed of being able to convey when I have another language to do it through. English language is, believe it or not, one of my stims :) I'm absolutely blissfull for finding that, since it's given me so much joy, more than I ever dared even dreaming of.
I'm a word addict. Words work as triggers for me, and sometimes I can be hysteric over a single word, regardless of the context, and either be laughing or crying some part of my body off.
I obsess over multiple things, which include colours like green and brown, Pirates of the Caribbean (Jack/Will slash in particular,) and coffee. I don't speak English as my native language and I have Asperger syndrome. How's that for coming out of the closet ?*g*
Now I'm going to apologize for digressing and going tangential all over the place, but I invoke the right to appeal to not having anything tangible to hang on to ;)
I'm new to the community, and honestly speaking I'm overwhelmed by the familiarity of this place.
I've managed to pass 28 years in the disguise of a NT with the camouflage offered by diagnoses such as borderline or depression or OCD and the usual, what have you. In total I got nine different diagnoses before it turns out I'm an aspie, and I've little to no reference on how to reflect, let alone deal with that.
I've never belonged, and the few times I've come close to anything of the sort, I've found that I don't want to belong. My general impression is that people talk too much of inane things, which brings me to the loop of self-doubt that tells me that I'm one of those people too, so I rather stay quiet. Therefore, I'm certain that when I do speak outloud, no one is interested in anything I say.
I've spent most of my life guessing. I have to guess what people mean when they tell me something, since I've absolutely no idea how the Earth turns for the rest of the world. For me it turns by words, and facial expressions have pretty much nothing to do with that, unless it displays sarcasm, which is something I can relate to, and fully agree with. I can actually distinguish that, which is quite absurd since I've learned that the normal people sometimes have trouble doing so. I find that ironic.
I don't remember much of my life so far, only that it hasn't been very nice, I guess. Bullied in school, left out, being taken advantage of and all the other stuff you've all either lived through or heard of, nothing new there. Some early-developement mishaps such as father dying and me having to take care of mum while she lost her marbles and got through various cancers, some trouble finding my place in the system and all that, nothing out of the ordinary really. Me, I don't really care.
I'm starting my studies at the university to get a Bachelor's degree in Social Studies in less than two weeks from now, and I feel indifferent of how that turns out. I already know I'm going to dislike it due to multiple reasons, but it'll help me get out of my current job, so I think it's all for the better.
I've come to realize that I can talk about myself in English better than in my mother tongue. I've come to find that I can type up things I've never even dreamed of being able to convey when I have another language to do it through. English language is, believe it or not, one of my stims :) I'm absolutely blissfull for finding that, since it's given me so much joy, more than I ever dared even dreaming of.
I'm a word addict. Words work as triggers for me, and sometimes I can be hysteric over a single word, regardless of the context, and either be laughing or crying some part of my body off.
I obsess over multiple things, which include colours like green and brown, Pirates of the Caribbean (Jack/Will slash in particular,) and coffee. I don't speak English as my native language and I have Asperger syndrome. How's that for coming out of the closet ?*g*
Now I'm going to apologize for digressing and going tangential all over the place, but I invoke the right to appeal to not having anything tangible to hang on to ;)