A bit of a venting
Someone was shot in my apartment complex early this morning and died.
I heard the gunshots. I heard them because they were in front of my apartment building, very close.
I actually am sitting here rocking. I hardly ever do that anymore.
I suppose I am scared but I don't really feel scared. If I do I can not explain it.
I haven't cried, I guess others would. I did not know the person. I stay to myself around here.
So I guess not crying is acceptable. I am still deeply disturbed by being awoken by the gunshots. Guns really scare me.
I thought someone was breaking into the cars out front, so I actually stepped out of my apartment. Apparently while the person who did the shooting was still out there.
I came right back in when I saw all the cars of course. Still I had to give a police statement, detectives came into my apartment and I had to give them a statement.
I would be OK if I could go back to bed and sleep a couple hours. I did not get enough sleep. Only 6 hours.
Today was to be my first day back to work after just coming off of disability for my Bi=Polar. Now they are saying we can not leave until the police line is moved. Which runs right in front of my apartment. Actually it is really a large perimeter.
My job has no mercy and they have wanted to fire me for a long time. Yes I have missed a lot of time but my Bi-Polar has been a mess for about 2 years because I have had trouble expressing what is going on. My newest Psychiatrist someone has gotten me figured out.
Work has me very worried.
Does anyone have any advice? I mean I feel I am reacting in a way that is normal for me...the rocking is not something I do often. So it is just...it is like I could maybe not do it if I forced myself like I have for years, but I feel better if I do do it. Does that make sense?
If I do it I zone, and calm down. I also have Chinese Meditation Balls that really help. I may get those out. (They will put me to sleep actually).
Lots of hand ringing and a bit of flapping going on too.
I guess, I mean am I overacting? With the worry about the job and the rocking and stuff?