Talent and the Social Fabric

[cheyinka]

So, I was reading a discussion (from 2005) about manipulation - "If someone is gifted with words or naturally charismatic, should they make an effort not to speak better than anyone else? Is using your gift at speaking the same thing as manipulating someone?" - and someone used the example of a poker game. If Alice is very good at poker, should she

Comments

[writerwench]

There seems to be a deeply competitive streak in some NT's that distorts the 'social fabric' tremendously for everyone else.

I've had a few NT boyfriends, and without exception they have all enjoyed playing board games with me so long as there was a comfortable assurance that they'd win. As soon as I became proficient enough to beat them, they'd stop wanting to play me. It seemed to severely threaten their male self-confidence if their girlfriend beat them at a game, even once.

I had one boyfriend who would continually insist that we played chess, a game I found very boring and inexplicable, especially (because?) he always, always won. He loved it. I would endure the boredom and get trashed, night after night, because I could see it made him very happy and he then felt safely superior to me. I've hated chess ever since.

NT's, especially males, do tend to be incredibly competitive, so being beaten is for these types a tremendous humiliation and shock.

I think that's why the ridiculous self-deprecation was suggested in the response - after all, the most important thing is to make sure other people feel good about themselves and others - therefore, outstandingly good players should NEVER play moderately skilled people, in case they offend them by winning with ease.

I think the whole 'let them win so they don't feel humiliated' thing is really stupid. It sets up deep resentments in the people who are making such allowances, and the victories won are hollow because they are based on lies.

[christinaathena]

I think the whole 'let them win so they don't feel humiliated' thing is really stupid. It sets up deep resentments in the people who are making such allowances, and the victories won are hollow because they are based on lies. I agree. :-) As soon as I was old enough to understand that my mom was letting me win, I got mad about that.

It's the same way with cheat codes on games. I'd rather lose honestly than win because I used a cheat, and yet, there are clearly many people who feel differently. I just don't understand that. What's the point of playing if you're just going to use a cheat? I tend to be rather wary even of hints. Strategy guides, sure, but walkthroughs and the like just seems to me to take away the fun of it.

[kethar]

It seemed to severely threaten their male self-confidence if their girlfriend beat them at a game, even once.
...
NT's, especially males, do tend to be incredibly competitive, so being beaten is for these types a tremendous humiliation and shock.

That's something I don't think I'd ever understand about the rest (meaning those like this, obviously not all) or the male population. Why does it matter if you're better than your girlfriend? My wife is better at many things than me and I'm proud of her for it. I get very rack-headed when I think a fact is wrong and someone doesn't agree, but when evidence comes, it doesn't make me feel inferior. It makes me learn, which I love. I hate a "I told you so" attitude, but have no problem with the fact I'm wrong. Same thing with being beat. It's an opportunity to improve, not an insult. Anyway, off my soapbox and back to work.

-ken-