(Untitled)

[___cynic]

Dearest fellow aspies, I have a question:

What exactly does it mean to be "in love"? Or what is your personal definition of the term?

Comments

[polydad]

This gets debated roughly every six months on the polyamory boards; you might want to monitor the discussions there.

My own take: The English word "love" is a pair of homonyms, a la "lead," meaning to precede someone and blaze the trail, and "lead," a heavy metal. One word refers to an emotion. Emotions are endocrine functions; if your glands have secreted adrenalin, you're frightened, for example. The emotion "love" is caused by heightened levels of the hormone oxytocin in the brain.

Confusion sets in when this is confused with the relationship state "love." The best description I've come up with for it is a state of positive identity and self-regard; we come to love other people when we expand our definition of "self" to include them. This can get confusing, because inclusion in our greedy society is taken to indicate ownership, and the opposite is more the case: Loving you gives me no control over you at all, but creates the possibility that a major part of what I think of as "me" can leave without my mind telling it to. It's as if my left leg could decide to follow up a job opportunity in Guam all by itself, for example, which is why any reasonable person might be *afraid* of love. It can hurt.

I'm not sure I'm explaining this well. Is it making sense?

best,

Joel

[___cynic]

I think I understand what you're saying, but you're obviously thinking on a higher level than I am. Haha. Thank you.