I don't want it to be done with. Not at all.
There was a power failure in LA yesterday. Apparently the servers running my website need said LA power. Interesting.
Monday 6pm or so: "William came over today for a little bit; it was the first time I'd seen him since Wednesday. He needed "space." We were having a good time, just talking and the like.
Eventually, he decided to take a nap and I told him I had to run with Peggy Sue really quick to pick up her laptop at my dad's house. We were going to see The Aristocrats when I got back. However, when I did return, William was gone. He had left 5-10 minutes after I did, because he decided he wanted to hang out with one of his friends instead...and we could see the movie some other time.
Fuck. I felt like crumbling. Just how strong am I and do I need to be? Why...why am I doing this to myself? Fuck. Why don't I just stop? (note: I don't actually want your answers to that)
Haha, today I changed my facebook status from "in a relationship" to blank."
About 30 minutes after I typed that, I called William with the intent of putting that final period at the end of our relationship. I almost talked myself out of it while we were on the phone. Just as I got my resolve again, he quickly excused himself off the phone because he had to pee. He said he'd call me back...but I felt he meant it in the "calling back = calling you at least one more time before I die" kind of way. I was going a little crazy having been cut off before I could say it...and I did something bad...I text messaged it to his phone. "William, you're free." We talked on the phone briefly after that and I think he may have wanted me to go back to the just giving him space stage...but he gave up before I realized it and we're "just friends" now.
I've never broken up with anyone before, and damn it I really didn't want to do it this time. I feel almost nausious. I've been silently crying all morning, the kind where tears just run down tracks in your face without a sob or shudder and your nose isn't really affected. Everyone else's reaction has been along the lines of "good" and "about time," though. I guess that's true.
So there it is. I hope we can start being friends soon. I hope he doesn't pretend I don't exist a few months into the friend thing - I may have to punch him in the kidneys and force him to be my friend. I could take him, he weighs like 2 pounds.
A note to the general male population: Please don't take any remarks I make in the next few weeks too seriously. I don't really hate you or think you're all evil bastards hell-bent on hurting me...but, you know how these things go.
Monday 6pm or so: "William came over today for a little bit; it was the first time I'd seen him since Wednesday. He needed "space." We were having a good time, just talking and the like.
Eventually, he decided to take a nap and I told him I had to run with Peggy Sue really quick to pick up her laptop at my dad's house. We were going to see The Aristocrats when I got back. However, when I did return, William was gone. He had left 5-10 minutes after I did, because he decided he wanted to hang out with one of his friends instead...and we could see the movie some other time.
Fuck. I felt like crumbling. Just how strong am I and do I need to be? Why...why am I doing this to myself? Fuck. Why don't I just stop? (note: I don't actually want your answers to that)
Haha, today I changed my facebook status from "in a relationship" to blank."
About 30 minutes after I typed that, I called William with the intent of putting that final period at the end of our relationship. I almost talked myself out of it while we were on the phone. Just as I got my resolve again, he quickly excused himself off the phone because he had to pee. He said he'd call me back...but I felt he meant it in the "calling back = calling you at least one more time before I die" kind of way. I was going a little crazy having been cut off before I could say it...and I did something bad...I text messaged it to his phone. "William, you're free." We talked on the phone briefly after that and I think he may have wanted me to go back to the just giving him space stage...but he gave up before I realized it and we're "just friends" now.
I've never broken up with anyone before, and damn it I really didn't want to do it this time. I feel almost nausious. I've been silently crying all morning, the kind where tears just run down tracks in your face without a sob or shudder and your nose isn't really affected. Everyone else's reaction has been along the lines of "good" and "about time," though. I guess that's true.
So there it is. I hope we can start being friends soon. I hope he doesn't pretend I don't exist a few months into the friend thing - I may have to punch him in the kidneys and force him to be my friend. I could take him, he weighs like 2 pounds.
A note to the general male population: Please don't take any remarks I make in the next few weeks too seriously. I don't really hate you or think you're all evil bastards hell-bent on hurting me...but, you know how these things go.