humm.. suddenly serious.
I've had some bad news... an old friend died... not even someone I kept in touch with... someone I haven't seen for almost four years...
But how surprisingly painful the reality of mortality is!
I thought I was being very objective. I remembered good memories about him, I wished him well, I wrote a poem...
Then, as soon as I am in a public place I freak out... start crying, right in the middle of the caf.
How self-centered I am! I feel like all I want is attention... Like all I want is to think about my great and heavy woes...which are not great or heavy at all...
I've lived without this person for 4 years, I don't suppose I ever expected to see him again on this planet... so why the tears?
I don't want to have to think about death... "I'm only 12!" my ego screams... (already I'm shaving 10 years off my record!) I just want to be a kid.
To be so self-centered, how sad, how lonely a life...but I guess it makes sense, there is such a gulf of air and unknowing between me and the person sitting next to me, infinite space. All I can ever really know is myself... me... I'm stuck with me.
It could be worse, I guess.
Touch someone today, tomorrow you may not see them. Reach across the gulf, if you can.
Or don't. Do what you want.
But how surprisingly painful the reality of mortality is!
I thought I was being very objective. I remembered good memories about him, I wished him well, I wrote a poem...
Then, as soon as I am in a public place I freak out... start crying, right in the middle of the caf.
How self-centered I am! I feel like all I want is attention... Like all I want is to think about my great and heavy woes...which are not great or heavy at all...
I've lived without this person for 4 years, I don't suppose I ever expected to see him again on this planet... so why the tears?
I don't want to have to think about death... "I'm only 12!" my ego screams... (already I'm shaving 10 years off my record!) I just want to be a kid.
To be so self-centered, how sad, how lonely a life...but I guess it makes sense, there is such a gulf of air and unknowing between me and the person sitting next to me, infinite space. All I can ever really know is myself... me... I'm stuck with me.
It could be worse, I guess.
Touch someone today, tomorrow you may not see them. Reach across the gulf, if you can.
Or don't. Do what you want.