The one where I question my humanity
There are times, too often in fact, that I feel alien. That I feel like a total freak. Not because of how I look, or how I dress, or anything as superficial as that. No, this has to do with my life experiences and just how far they are from what is considered a normal human experience. Like, several standard deviations from it. A prime example is probably the one thing that is considered the pivotal experience of human existence.
I have never been in love.
I've never dated, never even been kissed. Oh sure I've been attracted to people. A couple of times have even made sheepish and lame attempts to express that interest. Of course those ended as quickly and predictably as you can imagine.
Also, unless I've been the most criminally oblivious being ever in existence, no one has ever even expressed the remotest hint of ever being interested in me. It's only a couple more years before my 4th decade around the sun. So even if by some miracle I did meet someone I'll have less experience than most 7 year olds have. I'm sure others of my generation are just lining up to relive that drama and awkwardness.
I've given up any hope of anything ever happening due to the above and more. I'd say if they grouped people by their life experiences, I'd be pretty lonely in that group too.
There's other experiences besides love that my experience is so far from the norm, but that's a big obvious one that I think gets the point across.
So yes, I know its not uncommon for people to feel alone, or they feel out of place. The difference is that in my case, my experiences truly ARE out of the norm. These things would probably a whole lot easier to accept and explain if I were some kind of alien visitor to earth. As it is, though, I think I'm just a freak of nature. And it is lonely.
I have never been in love.
I've never dated, never even been kissed. Oh sure I've been attracted to people. A couple of times have even made sheepish and lame attempts to express that interest. Of course those ended as quickly and predictably as you can imagine.
Also, unless I've been the most criminally oblivious being ever in existence, no one has ever even expressed the remotest hint of ever being interested in me. It's only a couple more years before my 4th decade around the sun. So even if by some miracle I did meet someone I'll have less experience than most 7 year olds have. I'm sure others of my generation are just lining up to relive that drama and awkwardness.
I've given up any hope of anything ever happening due to the above and more. I'd say if they grouped people by their life experiences, I'd be pretty lonely in that group too.
There's other experiences besides love that my experience is so far from the norm, but that's a big obvious one that I think gets the point across.
So yes, I know its not uncommon for people to feel alone, or they feel out of place. The difference is that in my case, my experiences truly ARE out of the norm. These things would probably a whole lot easier to accept and explain if I were some kind of alien visitor to earth. As it is, though, I think I'm just a freak of nature. And it is lonely.