Fic: Our Hell (1/1)
Title: Our Hell
Author: kittyling
Series: Code Geass R2
Rating: PG-13/R-ish
Pairing/Characters: Suzaku x Lelouch
Warnings: Spoilers for the series finale. Angst, violence, implied sex.
Notes: The finale broke my heart in the best way possible, and I've been meaning to write something for it for weeks now. I haven't written a proper Geass fic since May, so it felt really good to do this again. I hope you all enjoy it. ♥
So this was how it would end.
The mask was cold against Suzaku's bare fingertips, a solid weight in his hands that seemed heavier with each lift, with each day that passed. And now the days were gone, after these months of preparation. Just one night left before everything started over. A new beginning for the world.
Suzaku lowered the mask back onto the cloak and suit folded neatly on the edge of the bed, deep blue and black mirroring the evening sky. Gold trim caught the light of the candles on the dresser, their small flames flickering dimly in the otherwise dark room. This place was hidden and safe and theirs. Calloused fingers smoothed over the soft fabric of the suit, wondering what all of it would feel like against his bare skin--if he would feel as Lelouch did once, donning the mask for the first time and creating a new hero for the world.
Right now, he didn't feel like a hero. For all of his determination--for every time they had discussed their promise, just this once Suzaku wanted to give in for a moment. Let the burden of the world pass on to someone else.
At least he could lift that burden from Lelouch's shoulders.
There was nothing they couldn't do together.
Suzaku can feel the eyes of the world on him.
The silence is deafening. The world is holding its breath, frozen, hearts stopped and all Suzaku sees is him.
Lelouch is all he wants to see. But not like this. Violet eyes are meeting his even through the mask, calm despite the sword between them. Suzaku's fingers are just barely trembling around the hilt, some small, stupid part of him knowing that he holds all of the cards in his hand right now. He could drop the sword. He and Lelouch could still run away from all of this.
But that look says that they can't, and he knows. This has been decided and it's over. They can't go back now, and even before this...they never could.
Suzaku's arms don't feel like his own as he thrusts them forward, cold steel striking true, far too easily past fabric and flesh. He can't look up. Watches the deep crimson blossoming on stark white, feels the body slump forward against his shoulder, but he can't bring himself to meet that gaze.
I'll be your sword.
Lelouch's eyes seemed oddly bright, impossible to read as always. Suzaku could never decide on a color for them when they were this close. It depended on the light, on his mood--maybe on Lelouch's whims. Violet, indigo, royal. Sometimes all three.
And then they were closed, soft lashes fluttering against Suzaku's cheek as Lelouch leaned in, pressing a kiss to his jaw and then to his lips. Suzaku returned it easily, arms tightening around Lelouch, a hand moving to thread through dark hair, bodies flush against each other.
In this place, they weren't an emperor and his knight. They weren't school boys, they weren't Zero and Officer Kururugi. They just--were. Two bodies entwined, opposite sides of the same coin, desperately seeking what only the other could give.
"Suzaku."
Warm breath against parted lips and Suzaku kissed him again, not wanting to hear it and not wanting to say it, not when they were so close to the end. Not when he thought his heart would burst or break if they said any more. He felt desperate now, hands roaming over Lelouch's bare skin even as Lelouch deepened their kiss, fingers resting at the base of Suzaku's neck.
The ache in his chest felt as if it were spreading through his entire body, fire creeping along his senses and crushing everything resembling hope along the way. Only a few more hours until dawn and he didn't know if he could make it until then without every fiber of himself being torn in two.
He never wanted Lelouch to see this, not when they had gotten this far without doubt and without fear. Everything they had to do was so clear and certain.
Maybe Lelouch could feel Suzaku's heart pounding in his chest, could feel the slight tremor in his body or the goosebumps along his flesh, but that hand was moving, fingertips caressing Suzaku's cheek, that simple touch steadying and soothing him.
You'll give everything for the world...
Suzaku can't feel him.
He can see the fingers smooth across his mask, slowly, leaving dark trails in their wake, but he can't feel anything. Just that searing pain in his chest, growing stronger until he doesn't think he'll ever feel anything else. Suzaku wants nothing more than to rip the mask off, to bring Lelouch's fingers to his skin again, even if they're growing cold. He wants to press a kiss to the palm of Lelouch's hand, wants to hold him and tell him one last time, just once more--
But Suzaku can't do any of that. He has to let go.
Somehow it's harder to pull the sword towards himself again, fingers clenched around the hilt, gaze forward as he hears the world finally exhale, followed by anguished screams. Nunnally.
Suzaku can't see, the pain in his chest finally unraveling as tears blur his vision.
They were the only ones who could put the pieces of the world back together. Even if it meant breaking themselves in the process.
Author: kittyling
Series: Code Geass R2
Rating: PG-13/R-ish
Pairing/Characters: Suzaku x Lelouch
Warnings: Spoilers for the series finale. Angst, violence, implied sex.
Notes: The finale broke my heart in the best way possible, and I've been meaning to write something for it for weeks now. I haven't written a proper Geass fic since May, so it felt really good to do this again. I hope you all enjoy it. ♥
So this was how it would end.
The mask was cold against Suzaku's bare fingertips, a solid weight in his hands that seemed heavier with each lift, with each day that passed. And now the days were gone, after these months of preparation. Just one night left before everything started over. A new beginning for the world.
Suzaku lowered the mask back onto the cloak and suit folded neatly on the edge of the bed, deep blue and black mirroring the evening sky. Gold trim caught the light of the candles on the dresser, their small flames flickering dimly in the otherwise dark room. This place was hidden and safe and theirs. Calloused fingers smoothed over the soft fabric of the suit, wondering what all of it would feel like against his bare skin--if he would feel as Lelouch did once, donning the mask for the first time and creating a new hero for the world.
Right now, he didn't feel like a hero. For all of his determination--for every time they had discussed their promise, just this once Suzaku wanted to give in for a moment. Let the burden of the world pass on to someone else.
At least he could lift that burden from Lelouch's shoulders.
There was nothing they couldn't do together.
Suzaku can feel the eyes of the world on him.
The silence is deafening. The world is holding its breath, frozen, hearts stopped and all Suzaku sees is him.
Lelouch is all he wants to see. But not like this. Violet eyes are meeting his even through the mask, calm despite the sword between them. Suzaku's fingers are just barely trembling around the hilt, some small, stupid part of him knowing that he holds all of the cards in his hand right now. He could drop the sword. He and Lelouch could still run away from all of this.
But that look says that they can't, and he knows. This has been decided and it's over. They can't go back now, and even before this...they never could.
Suzaku's arms don't feel like his own as he thrusts them forward, cold steel striking true, far too easily past fabric and flesh. He can't look up. Watches the deep crimson blossoming on stark white, feels the body slump forward against his shoulder, but he can't bring himself to meet that gaze.
I'll be your sword.
Lelouch's eyes seemed oddly bright, impossible to read as always. Suzaku could never decide on a color for them when they were this close. It depended on the light, on his mood--maybe on Lelouch's whims. Violet, indigo, royal. Sometimes all three.
And then they were closed, soft lashes fluttering against Suzaku's cheek as Lelouch leaned in, pressing a kiss to his jaw and then to his lips. Suzaku returned it easily, arms tightening around Lelouch, a hand moving to thread through dark hair, bodies flush against each other.
In this place, they weren't an emperor and his knight. They weren't school boys, they weren't Zero and Officer Kururugi. They just--were. Two bodies entwined, opposite sides of the same coin, desperately seeking what only the other could give.
"Suzaku."
Warm breath against parted lips and Suzaku kissed him again, not wanting to hear it and not wanting to say it, not when they were so close to the end. Not when he thought his heart would burst or break if they said any more. He felt desperate now, hands roaming over Lelouch's bare skin even as Lelouch deepened their kiss, fingers resting at the base of Suzaku's neck.
The ache in his chest felt as if it were spreading through his entire body, fire creeping along his senses and crushing everything resembling hope along the way. Only a few more hours until dawn and he didn't know if he could make it until then without every fiber of himself being torn in two.
He never wanted Lelouch to see this, not when they had gotten this far without doubt and without fear. Everything they had to do was so clear and certain.
Maybe Lelouch could feel Suzaku's heart pounding in his chest, could feel the slight tremor in his body or the goosebumps along his flesh, but that hand was moving, fingertips caressing Suzaku's cheek, that simple touch steadying and soothing him.
You'll give everything for the world...
Suzaku can't feel him.
He can see the fingers smooth across his mask, slowly, leaving dark trails in their wake, but he can't feel anything. Just that searing pain in his chest, growing stronger until he doesn't think he'll ever feel anything else. Suzaku wants nothing more than to rip the mask off, to bring Lelouch's fingers to his skin again, even if they're growing cold. He wants to press a kiss to the palm of Lelouch's hand, wants to hold him and tell him one last time, just once more--
But Suzaku can't do any of that. He has to let go.
Somehow it's harder to pull the sword towards himself again, fingers clenched around the hilt, gaze forward as he hears the world finally exhale, followed by anguished screams. Nunnally.
Suzaku can't see, the pain in his chest finally unraveling as tears blur his vision.
They were the only ones who could put the pieces of the world back together. Even if it meant breaking themselves in the process.