fic: Brothers, for liska_rediska
Recipient: liska_rediska
Title: Brothers
Author: lodessa
Rating: G
Character or Pairing: Tyrion & Jaime
Word Count: 1391
Summary: Throughout the years, there has been one person who always treated Tyrion like he mattered.
Warning: (if applicable) None really.
Tyrion is pretty sure that everyone at Casterly Rock thinks his brother's becoming part of the Kingsguard is hardest on them personally. He is no exception. While Tywin may have lost an heir, and Cersei may have lost a plaything, Tyrion has lost the only person who can even bring himself to look at him. Father is strong and healthy and he doesn't need a strong heir for the moment. Even when he does, Tyrion is sure he will have his deformed younger son step aside for Cersei's future husband or maybe one of his nephews. Though he toys with the idea of saying no, Tyrion has no desire to be the Laughingstock Lord. Cersei is more upset that she is not going to the Red Keep than that Jaime must. Tyrion has a hard time feeling sorry for either of them. Much as he hates pity, neither of them have ever bothered to bestow it on him.
Days, weeks even, go by without anyone talking to him. Tyrion has spent all of his young life feeling lonely, he has his books and his exercises, but always before there was Jaime to remember him, to make him feel like someone wold notice if he disappeared one day, like someone was glad he was alive. He keeps expecting Jaime to appear in the library and pull him away looking for apples, which were out of season, or some other frivolous joy. They couldn't have been more different, but Tyrion soon comes to realize how much more alien he feels without his golden brother.
It might not have been so bad, if he could entertain the notion of making his own escape from the Rock. Indeed, prior to Jaime's elevation to the Kingsguard, it had been his not so secret hope to go and study at the Citadel, somewhere his brains would matter enough for him to be taken seriously as having some worth. Their father certainly would have been glad of the chance to rid himself of Tyrion's presence, and Maester Kyrin would most certainly have recommended him even if his birth hadn't gotten him in. However, now that he is technically the heir to this place, there will be no escape to go study. His condition has kept him from being fostered out and now he is doomed to remain here, the imp in the attic.
He writes to Jaime with no real expectation that his brother will write back. Jaime has never been much of one for writing or reading, and Tyrion is sure he has far more exciting things to do with his time at King's Landing. Tyrion doesn't have much better to do though, so he writes to his brother, as if they are talking face to face and there is no uncrossable distance between them. Most of it will probably bore Jaime to death, like always, but it is comforting to talk to someone, even if the conversation is mostly make believe. He imagines how Jaime would yawn at just this bit, or mock a scholar's antiquated name. Even the idea of his brother's graceful disdain is comforting.
Jaime does write back. He tells Tyrion about his day to day, about things that remind him of home, things he that make him think of Tyrion or home. He sounds homesick. He sounds lonely. Tyrion is pretty sure Jaime has never been lonely before in his life. How could he? He's always had a twin. He doesn't write to her though, at least not that Tyrion can tell.
In some ways it makes Jaime's absence harder. Every letter reminds Tyrion that once upon a time there was someone here to whom he was not just an embarrassment and inconvenience. Cersei is more hostile than ever. He is not sure who he is being punished for, but it doesn't really much matter. Tyrion wishes more than anything that things had gone differently and she had been the one going to the Red Keep.
War springs up around them. Tyrion thinks to himself that Jaime's beloved Rhaegar (of whom he has heard such adoration) seems almost more of a fool than his crazed father. Then again, Jaime always did see the best in everyone, even him, even Cersei. Tyrion often wonders what it would take to change that. He isn't prepared for the answer though.
No one is.
It seems a lifetime later, when they meet once more. In truth it has been a short span of time, but it might as well have been an age. The brother who returns is not the carefree boy who left Casterly Rock. He is harder, brittle and strange. To be sure, he laughs more bravely, but under each word is venom and instability. His faith has been crippled.
Tyrion is glad to have him back at all. Perhaps, he thinks, perhaps they will understand each other better now. Tyrion has always known that the world is ugly; Jaime has not. Now things will be different. They are different, but not in the ways Tyrion hoped. Jaime clings to Cersei more than ever before, if anything he is more blind to the truth of her shallow and vicious nature. Tyrion expects to mind, but finds it matters little. Jaime is desperate for things in their family to be as they were before. Tyrion is glad to have his brother back on any terms that leave him less alone.
Jaime still has little patience for books, but Tyrion is willing to ride the countryside with him. Jaime was ever his shield from mockery. Not just because people do not dare to sneer when he is around, but because Jaime himself never pities or looks down on Tyrion. They are brothers, and no matter how different they are it is as important to Jaime as it is to Tyrion. Tyrion is never sure how that works, how relevance can be divided among so many more people without losing potency. Tyrion has only ever had Jaime to care for.
Perhaps that is why he is the only one who seems to notice the changes, the little cracks in his brother's demeanor that don't add up right. Over time they become fused together so seamlessly that you wouldn't know they were there, but his brother's personality doesn't add up anymore, and Tyrion wonders if one day it will tear open and become something fearful.
He never predicts that it will be something better, something stronger.
But that is what has happened when they are reunited again. Jaime has shed his old skin and become someone new. This new brother is once again a knight in the truest sense of the word, but he is not the youth that left for King's Landing all those years before. He is not even the man that Jaime might have become if not for the Mad King. Jaime is someone new, someone strong and weathered and remorselessly facing the truth.
For a moment, Tyrion wonders what this new brother will think of the Imp. Will his brother's new eyes see what everyone else always has? Or is it possible that he will still love him, unlikely as that seems for this new stranger, who has cast off his worst side, his rotten twin? As much as Tyrion is in awe of this new hero, broken and cleansed, he is afraid to meet his eyes. After all, he is a murderer, a patricide. What will this new champion think of that, now that he's cast off his darker deeds.
Then he looks next to Jaime, at the rider sitting beside him. What Tyrion sees there is not beautiful. What he sees is awkwardly heroic and it gives him the courage to face his brother. What he sees is not zealotry or piety, it's integrity. Jaime's face is filled with joy and relief when Tyrion finally meets his gaze. He is still Tyrion's brother. He still loves him. Looking harder, Tyrion realizes that Jaime has no disowned his own patched history at all; he has embraced it. After almost twenty years of avoiding himself, Jaime has faced his demons and conquered them. Despite his maimed state, he is whole.
What Tyrion comes to learn later, is almost better that all this. After all these years, Jaime has finally learned to appreciate books.
Title: Brothers
Author: lodessa
Rating: G
Character or Pairing: Tyrion & Jaime
Word Count: 1391
Summary: Throughout the years, there has been one person who always treated Tyrion like he mattered.
Warning: (if applicable) None really.
Tyrion is pretty sure that everyone at Casterly Rock thinks his brother's becoming part of the Kingsguard is hardest on them personally. He is no exception. While Tywin may have lost an heir, and Cersei may have lost a plaything, Tyrion has lost the only person who can even bring himself to look at him. Father is strong and healthy and he doesn't need a strong heir for the moment. Even when he does, Tyrion is sure he will have his deformed younger son step aside for Cersei's future husband or maybe one of his nephews. Though he toys with the idea of saying no, Tyrion has no desire to be the Laughingstock Lord. Cersei is more upset that she is not going to the Red Keep than that Jaime must. Tyrion has a hard time feeling sorry for either of them. Much as he hates pity, neither of them have ever bothered to bestow it on him.
Days, weeks even, go by without anyone talking to him. Tyrion has spent all of his young life feeling lonely, he has his books and his exercises, but always before there was Jaime to remember him, to make him feel like someone wold notice if he disappeared one day, like someone was glad he was alive. He keeps expecting Jaime to appear in the library and pull him away looking for apples, which were out of season, or some other frivolous joy. They couldn't have been more different, but Tyrion soon comes to realize how much more alien he feels without his golden brother.
It might not have been so bad, if he could entertain the notion of making his own escape from the Rock. Indeed, prior to Jaime's elevation to the Kingsguard, it had been his not so secret hope to go and study at the Citadel, somewhere his brains would matter enough for him to be taken seriously as having some worth. Their father certainly would have been glad of the chance to rid himself of Tyrion's presence, and Maester Kyrin would most certainly have recommended him even if his birth hadn't gotten him in. However, now that he is technically the heir to this place, there will be no escape to go study. His condition has kept him from being fostered out and now he is doomed to remain here, the imp in the attic.
He writes to Jaime with no real expectation that his brother will write back. Jaime has never been much of one for writing or reading, and Tyrion is sure he has far more exciting things to do with his time at King's Landing. Tyrion doesn't have much better to do though, so he writes to his brother, as if they are talking face to face and there is no uncrossable distance between them. Most of it will probably bore Jaime to death, like always, but it is comforting to talk to someone, even if the conversation is mostly make believe. He imagines how Jaime would yawn at just this bit, or mock a scholar's antiquated name. Even the idea of his brother's graceful disdain is comforting.
Jaime does write back. He tells Tyrion about his day to day, about things that remind him of home, things he that make him think of Tyrion or home. He sounds homesick. He sounds lonely. Tyrion is pretty sure Jaime has never been lonely before in his life. How could he? He's always had a twin. He doesn't write to her though, at least not that Tyrion can tell.
In some ways it makes Jaime's absence harder. Every letter reminds Tyrion that once upon a time there was someone here to whom he was not just an embarrassment and inconvenience. Cersei is more hostile than ever. He is not sure who he is being punished for, but it doesn't really much matter. Tyrion wishes more than anything that things had gone differently and she had been the one going to the Red Keep.
War springs up around them. Tyrion thinks to himself that Jaime's beloved Rhaegar (of whom he has heard such adoration) seems almost more of a fool than his crazed father. Then again, Jaime always did see the best in everyone, even him, even Cersei. Tyrion often wonders what it would take to change that. He isn't prepared for the answer though.
No one is.
It seems a lifetime later, when they meet once more. In truth it has been a short span of time, but it might as well have been an age. The brother who returns is not the carefree boy who left Casterly Rock. He is harder, brittle and strange. To be sure, he laughs more bravely, but under each word is venom and instability. His faith has been crippled.
Tyrion is glad to have him back at all. Perhaps, he thinks, perhaps they will understand each other better now. Tyrion has always known that the world is ugly; Jaime has not. Now things will be different. They are different, but not in the ways Tyrion hoped. Jaime clings to Cersei more than ever before, if anything he is more blind to the truth of her shallow and vicious nature. Tyrion expects to mind, but finds it matters little. Jaime is desperate for things in their family to be as they were before. Tyrion is glad to have his brother back on any terms that leave him less alone.
Jaime still has little patience for books, but Tyrion is willing to ride the countryside with him. Jaime was ever his shield from mockery. Not just because people do not dare to sneer when he is around, but because Jaime himself never pities or looks down on Tyrion. They are brothers, and no matter how different they are it is as important to Jaime as it is to Tyrion. Tyrion is never sure how that works, how relevance can be divided among so many more people without losing potency. Tyrion has only ever had Jaime to care for.
Perhaps that is why he is the only one who seems to notice the changes, the little cracks in his brother's demeanor that don't add up right. Over time they become fused together so seamlessly that you wouldn't know they were there, but his brother's personality doesn't add up anymore, and Tyrion wonders if one day it will tear open and become something fearful.
He never predicts that it will be something better, something stronger.
But that is what has happened when they are reunited again. Jaime has shed his old skin and become someone new. This new brother is once again a knight in the truest sense of the word, but he is not the youth that left for King's Landing all those years before. He is not even the man that Jaime might have become if not for the Mad King. Jaime is someone new, someone strong and weathered and remorselessly facing the truth.
For a moment, Tyrion wonders what this new brother will think of the Imp. Will his brother's new eyes see what everyone else always has? Or is it possible that he will still love him, unlikely as that seems for this new stranger, who has cast off his worst side, his rotten twin? As much as Tyrion is in awe of this new hero, broken and cleansed, he is afraid to meet his eyes. After all, he is a murderer, a patricide. What will this new champion think of that, now that he's cast off his darker deeds.
Then he looks next to Jaime, at the rider sitting beside him. What Tyrion sees there is not beautiful. What he sees is awkwardly heroic and it gives him the courage to face his brother. What he sees is not zealotry or piety, it's integrity. Jaime's face is filled with joy and relief when Tyrion finally meets his gaze. He is still Tyrion's brother. He still loves him. Looking harder, Tyrion realizes that Jaime has no disowned his own patched history at all; he has embraced it. After almost twenty years of avoiding himself, Jaime has faced his demons and conquered them. Despite his maimed state, he is whole.
What Tyrion comes to learn later, is almost better that all this. After all these years, Jaime has finally learned to appreciate books.