(no subject)
I had a very vivid dream that concerned my advisor (who happens to be the professor I am closest to, and whom I adore), in which we were friends like I would be friends with my closer friends. It was complicated, naturally, by the fact that he was my professor, and you just don't do friendship in the same way with your professors, especially when it comes to touch, and I definitely hug my friends, and lean on them and whatnot. There was nothing sexual about it, it was just one of those dreams that felt good, but also very real in that nothing was simplified, and our friendship was complicated by the fact that he was my professor.
Then this morning, I met with another professor, and she slipped up and told me that my advisor was on a visiting track at bard, and therefore would not be coming back to bard after the following semester. I was SO upset. I'm still so upset. All I wanted to do was run in to my advisor's office and let him know how upset I was, and really let him know that i would hate it if he left, and that he has been a huge influence in my life, and has helped me thru college immensely, and has played a huge role in shaping who I am in college and in life in general, and would he like to come over for dinner, because it would be silly to just keep on in this bizarre role of professor/student when we could just be friends, because I enjoy his company, and really think that I would learn more from him if we were on a more equal footing, and I would hate to lose touch. But my other prof asked me not to, because she thought she shouldn't have told me, so I didn't.
Now I think that listening to her was a mistake. I'll probably talk to him after class tomorrow. It's crazy and stupid how we confine ourselves to these roles that limit how much we can truly get out of being in each other's company.
Then this morning, I met with another professor, and she slipped up and told me that my advisor was on a visiting track at bard, and therefore would not be coming back to bard after the following semester. I was SO upset. I'm still so upset. All I wanted to do was run in to my advisor's office and let him know how upset I was, and really let him know that i would hate it if he left, and that he has been a huge influence in my life, and has helped me thru college immensely, and has played a huge role in shaping who I am in college and in life in general, and would he like to come over for dinner, because it would be silly to just keep on in this bizarre role of professor/student when we could just be friends, because I enjoy his company, and really think that I would learn more from him if we were on a more equal footing, and I would hate to lose touch. But my other prof asked me not to, because she thought she shouldn't have told me, so I didn't.
Now I think that listening to her was a mistake. I'll probably talk to him after class tomorrow. It's crazy and stupid how we confine ourselves to these roles that limit how much we can truly get out of being in each other's company.