convo I had about my ex.... i'm gothiccomposer
RegalPlatypus (9:23:58 PM): Were you ever the dumpee, or were you always the dumper?
gothiccomposer (9:24:30 PM): oh god... you should ask such things... ummm..... well.....
gothiccomposer (9:24:56 PM): Most of the time.. it was a mutal aggreement.. but when it wasn't.. I was the one that dumped him...
RegalPlatypus (9:26:31 PM): I figured as much.
gothiccomposer (9:27:48 PM): why do you say that?????
RegalPlatypus (9:28:21 PM): Well, you said you've never really asked anybody out or made the first moves. It's always been the other way around.
RegalPlatypus (9:28:34 PM): So I kinnda figured the relationships would tend to end in a similar manner.
gothiccomposer (9:28:52 PM): ok
gothiccomposer (9:29:01 PM): yeah.. I never persue.. but I always end them.
gothiccomposer (9:30:18 PM): any reason on why you asked though?
RegalPlatypus (9:30:53 PM): Just wondered if you'd ever really had your heart broken.
gothiccomposer (9:31:28 PM): well I have never been in love.
RegalPlatypus (9:31:56 PM): Well, of course, and I don't mean to imply that I was.
gothiccomposer (9:31:57 PM): the hardest thing was probably leaving jason... in the last 6 years it was the closest I got to crying.
gothiccomposer (9:32:41 PM): at the time I felt like my heart was breaking... and he was the closest I have gotten to love?
RegalPlatypus (9:33:24 PM): How long were you with him?
gothiccomposer (9:34:27 PM): well. I started talking to him online.. in June of 2003
gothiccomposer (9:35:14 PM): we talked all summer and fall and.. things got real serious that winter.. I met him in person in feb for my b day... last year....
gothiccomposer (9:35:22 PM): and then it ended over spring break in april..
gothiccomposer (9:35:25 PM): so 2 months
gothiccomposer (9:36:07 PM): he spent a week with me in feb.. a week in march.. and then I spent 2 weeks with him in april.
gothiccomposer (9:36:41 PM): it just sucked cause he was so perfect.. in ALMOST everyway.....
RegalPlatypus (9:37:04 PM): Why did you leave him?
gothiccomposer (9:37:28 PM): well... to cover the good things.
gothiccomposer (9:39:56 PM): he was very attractive... he was very attracted to me.. I think he was more turned on by me than I was him... he was very very intelligent.. probably as smart maybe smarter than me.. he was very sensative.. he listen to a wider range of music than I do.. he read constantly... he had great taste for the finer things in life.. tobacco, foreign food, alcohol, etc... he was very sensative and very caring.. always concerned with how I felt or what I thought... he was quiet and shy but not afraid to state his opinions even when they were very very radical.
gothiccomposer (9:41:44 PM): he was very good in bed.. we use to make out for hours.. just get naked and roll around and touch and taste every fucking part of each others bodies... we would laugh and giggle the entire time.. I remember.. getting out of bed and taking a shower.. and going to class and even after 4 hours of being away from him.. i could still smell him and taste him in my mouth.
gothiccomposer (9:43:18 PM): but he suffered from mood swings and depression. He worried alot.. he would have fits of paranoia.. sometimes he would get aggrivated (not at me) in general about the smallest of things.. and he would even cry out of the blue for no reason.
gothiccomposer (9:47:27 PM): I was very protective of him.. and we never argued and I never got on his case about some of his issues... I was very patient with him... and I tried as damn hard as I could to endure his bad points cause the rest of him was so perfect. and I spent a lot of time thinking that I was selfish and inconsiderate for even thinking that I should leave him cause I'm just a fat kid in the middle of no where and he was more than I deserved and that I shouldn't be so fucking picky and be happy with what I got... I tried as long as I could... but in the end I knew that I could not build a life with him.. and that for his own good he needed to be alone so he could consintrate on his problems so he could get well...
gothiccomposer (9:48:32 PM): so before I got angry.. before I became abusive or started hating him for being so perfect and so fucked up at the same time... and because he needed to be alone and fix himself.. I ended it. It was probably the most painful thing I have ever done concerning another human being.
RegalPlatypus (9:48:32 PM): When was the last time you talked to him?
gothiccomposer (9:48:41 PM): couple of weeks ago...
RegalPlatypus (9:48:58 PM): Has he gotten any better?
gothiccomposer (9:49:01 PM): he is more stable now.. but he will never be well enough to be in the kind of relationship I want.
gothiccomposer (9:49:30 PM): he has been in and out of stress centers and medicated since he was 15.
gothiccomposer (9:49:50 PM): his mother was so awesome.
gothiccomposer (9:50:32 PM): Deb was a nurse practitioner and midwife.. I remember she use to go to work at 8 am and be home by 2... a hard day of work after delivering 4 babies..
gothiccomposer (9:51:22 PM): I use to be amazed by the fact that everyday she saw life spring from it's very origin.. that there are hundreds of people in this world that can say she was the very first person to see and touch them... She was so smart.
gothiccomposer (9:52:52 PM): I still have feelings for him in a small way.. I still feel the need to protect him. If I was to hear that somebody has been cruel to him even today I would probably feel a deep flush of anger and wrath.
gothiccomposer (9:56:44 PM): so yeah...
gothiccomposer (9:24:30 PM): oh god... you should ask such things... ummm..... well.....
gothiccomposer (9:24:56 PM): Most of the time.. it was a mutal aggreement.. but when it wasn't.. I was the one that dumped him...
RegalPlatypus (9:26:31 PM): I figured as much.
gothiccomposer (9:27:48 PM): why do you say that?????
RegalPlatypus (9:28:21 PM): Well, you said you've never really asked anybody out or made the first moves. It's always been the other way around.
RegalPlatypus (9:28:34 PM): So I kinnda figured the relationships would tend to end in a similar manner.
gothiccomposer (9:28:52 PM): ok
gothiccomposer (9:29:01 PM): yeah.. I never persue.. but I always end them.
gothiccomposer (9:30:18 PM): any reason on why you asked though?
RegalPlatypus (9:30:53 PM): Just wondered if you'd ever really had your heart broken.
gothiccomposer (9:31:28 PM): well I have never been in love.
RegalPlatypus (9:31:56 PM): Well, of course, and I don't mean to imply that I was.
gothiccomposer (9:31:57 PM): the hardest thing was probably leaving jason... in the last 6 years it was the closest I got to crying.
gothiccomposer (9:32:41 PM): at the time I felt like my heart was breaking... and he was the closest I have gotten to love?
RegalPlatypus (9:33:24 PM): How long were you with him?
gothiccomposer (9:34:27 PM): well. I started talking to him online.. in June of 2003
gothiccomposer (9:35:14 PM): we talked all summer and fall and.. things got real serious that winter.. I met him in person in feb for my b day... last year....
gothiccomposer (9:35:22 PM): and then it ended over spring break in april..
gothiccomposer (9:35:25 PM): so 2 months
gothiccomposer (9:36:07 PM): he spent a week with me in feb.. a week in march.. and then I spent 2 weeks with him in april.
gothiccomposer (9:36:41 PM): it just sucked cause he was so perfect.. in ALMOST everyway.....
RegalPlatypus (9:37:04 PM): Why did you leave him?
gothiccomposer (9:37:28 PM): well... to cover the good things.
gothiccomposer (9:39:56 PM): he was very attractive... he was very attracted to me.. I think he was more turned on by me than I was him... he was very very intelligent.. probably as smart maybe smarter than me.. he was very sensative.. he listen to a wider range of music than I do.. he read constantly... he had great taste for the finer things in life.. tobacco, foreign food, alcohol, etc... he was very sensative and very caring.. always concerned with how I felt or what I thought... he was quiet and shy but not afraid to state his opinions even when they were very very radical.
gothiccomposer (9:41:44 PM): he was very good in bed.. we use to make out for hours.. just get naked and roll around and touch and taste every fucking part of each others bodies... we would laugh and giggle the entire time.. I remember.. getting out of bed and taking a shower.. and going to class and even after 4 hours of being away from him.. i could still smell him and taste him in my mouth.
gothiccomposer (9:43:18 PM): but he suffered from mood swings and depression. He worried alot.. he would have fits of paranoia.. sometimes he would get aggrivated (not at me) in general about the smallest of things.. and he would even cry out of the blue for no reason.
gothiccomposer (9:47:27 PM): I was very protective of him.. and we never argued and I never got on his case about some of his issues... I was very patient with him... and I tried as damn hard as I could to endure his bad points cause the rest of him was so perfect. and I spent a lot of time thinking that I was selfish and inconsiderate for even thinking that I should leave him cause I'm just a fat kid in the middle of no where and he was more than I deserved and that I shouldn't be so fucking picky and be happy with what I got... I tried as long as I could... but in the end I knew that I could not build a life with him.. and that for his own good he needed to be alone so he could consintrate on his problems so he could get well...
gothiccomposer (9:48:32 PM): so before I got angry.. before I became abusive or started hating him for being so perfect and so fucked up at the same time... and because he needed to be alone and fix himself.. I ended it. It was probably the most painful thing I have ever done concerning another human being.
RegalPlatypus (9:48:32 PM): When was the last time you talked to him?
gothiccomposer (9:48:41 PM): couple of weeks ago...
RegalPlatypus (9:48:58 PM): Has he gotten any better?
gothiccomposer (9:49:01 PM): he is more stable now.. but he will never be well enough to be in the kind of relationship I want.
gothiccomposer (9:49:30 PM): he has been in and out of stress centers and medicated since he was 15.
gothiccomposer (9:49:50 PM): his mother was so awesome.
gothiccomposer (9:50:32 PM): Deb was a nurse practitioner and midwife.. I remember she use to go to work at 8 am and be home by 2... a hard day of work after delivering 4 babies..
gothiccomposer (9:51:22 PM): I use to be amazed by the fact that everyday she saw life spring from it's very origin.. that there are hundreds of people in this world that can say she was the very first person to see and touch them... She was so smart.
gothiccomposer (9:52:52 PM): I still have feelings for him in a small way.. I still feel the need to protect him. If I was to hear that somebody has been cruel to him even today I would probably feel a deep flush of anger and wrath.
gothiccomposer (9:56:44 PM): so yeah...