Apr 02, 2005 08:39
I think I've finally figured out what's wrong with me. I'm relaxed and calm when, by all rights, I should be running around in either a fury, a fluster or with a general sense of being the maelstrom as opposed to standing in the centre of it and watching the sparks fly around me while I'm there with good practised nonchalence and a tinge of amusement, and when by all rights I should be calm and relaxed, I'm focused and pushing myself harder than is necessary to get the job done. Which means I'm either categorically insane, completely unbalanced, or with an incorrect sense of my surrounding environment to latch onto what other people think is appropriate behaviour for me. Just a thought, really.
So, being 0840hrs in the morning, or thereabouts, I am amazed to find myself awake and feeling physically awful, for reasons I've yet to pin down, and yet mentally feeling calm, relaxed and actually very much optimistic. And, even stranger yet, why I would be feeling completely relaxed after having not been able to sleep whatsoever, feeling a little off my usual good state of health and, above all, with a 9 hour shift ahead of me. I sometimes think I feel better when my day is challenging. But then, it's always true to say that I really abhor boring days with nothing to drive my fighting instincts. So I'm a paradox in writing as well as in reality.
This is going to be a really good day.