So lets get alittle closer now.
Umm yeah soo i had a very shitty night. Chris is being a reallllyy big jack ass and its not cool. I honestly dont do anything wrong to him but somedays he just leaves me feeling like absolute shit. & yeah, i know your thinking "forget him" but its not that easy. I really like him. & its not just a like where i "think" i like him. I KNOW i like him. If i didnt, i wouldnt want to constantly be by his side when im with him. Or get butterflies just thinking about him. Or get the "sick to your stomach" feelings if i have a feeling something is wrong. Or try with everything i got to make him happy when hes sad. Or always be wondering if he feels the same way for me, the way i do for him. Or get soooo happy whenever i see him. Soo therefore, its not that easy to just let him go. Yeah, he has his bad days where he doesnt really talk to anyone including me, but for some reason, i actually think hes worth going through those days with him. & being nice to him every step of the way even if he is being kinda jerkish. But tonight, he kinda just took it to far. Like not saying anything to me except for "goodbye" and a hug. I dont deserve that. & i dont know why hes acting like it. Maybe its because hes afraid of commitment? Or maybe its because he likes another girl? Or maybe its becasue school is starting back up? Or maybe becasue he feels forced to go out with me or something? Or maybe he is afraid of hurting me? Or maybe its becasue of multiple of those reasons? Who knows whats going on in that boys head. But tomorrow is the time i guess i find out where this relationship is going & if its even gonna go anywhere. Or what hes thinking. But honestly, im really scared to find out. What if he doesnt want to be with me anymore? Than yeah- im gonna have to face it but its gonna be hard. I hate complaining about stupid boy problems when i know people who are going through soooo much more harder shit than i am. So therefore, i give them ALOT of credit. I honestly dont know how this girl is doing it all. [if you read this, you know who you are]. It seems like more and more stuff keeps pileing on but you somehow are finding the strength to keep moving on. & for that, you are simply amazing. I wish i was as brave as you and i wish i could take some of that away from you & make it my own pain. I love you.
Yeahh, soo wish me luck?
Im super nervous.
I hope he really likes me.
But what am i thinking? Its highly unlikely & im sick of giving myself false hope.
Soo this song seems to fit my mood quiet well;
I've been here before a few times
And I'm quite aware we're dying
And your hands they shake with goodbyes
so here I am I'm trying
So here I am, are you ready?
Come on let me hold you, touch you, feel you,
always
Kiss you, taste you all night,
always
And I'll miss your laugh, your smile.
I'll admit I'm wrong if you'd tell me
I'm so sick of fights, i hate them.
Lets start this again for real.