overthinking

[asland32]

Went to a fantastic campout. Went to a ritual every single night. The Labyrinth ritual was exceptionally moving. I met someone and got very close to her very fast. The first night was beyond amazing. We danced, our energies were blended extremely well, and we both were satisfied thoroughly despite not actually going all the way. It really was, for lack of a better word, perfect. I didn't sleep much that night because I was too busy watching her sleep (and fighting for the covers). The next day started out well. We talked and parted ways for some individual time. At this point I noticed that I had messed up my knee to the point that I had a limp for the rest of the campout. That put a damper on things as far as I was concerned, but I tried to compensate for the rest of the day anyway. Eventually this fantastic woman, this person that's hitting all of my happy buttons, makes it known that she wants to have some private fun away from everything. We go to a secluded spot and start to have sex, but get interrupted by meddling teenagers. Its a brief interruption, and we get back to having fun, but the moment was significantly altered (for me at least). I was no longer "lost in the moment" and this is where the overthinking comes in. My damned virgo brain starts getting involved and I want to show off. While showing off I say something as a compliment, but go too far and start a dissertation. She reins me in quickly, but already I realize I've screwed up. And then I start thinking about the things we had been talking about and while we share a lot in common... I can't see us in a "normal" mode. Add to that she's in Austin and I'm in Houston. So what do I do? rather than cultivate a new/good friendship, I start pushing her away. I wasn't doing it consciously mind you, but now that time has passed and I'm thinking I can see the pattern that I'm following. I may have started it early on due to the whole Austin thing. She still gave me her phone number at the end of everything, but I don't know what I'm doing. Part of me wants to pursue her and find out more, but the rest of me is already slamming the gate in my face.
Sometimes I hate my brain.