Vist to the ER and Talks with God
So Wednesday I went to the ER with severe stomach pain. They thought I had apendicitis. (If that's spelled wrong, sorry... but I really don't care. lol) Turns out that I have gastrointeritis. In other words, I have the beginnings of an ulcer. Really no surprise there as I suffer from severe acid reflux. I'm going to a specialist (for a second time) for them to do an endoscopy. I already knew that I had the beginnings of gastrointeritis, but I was put on meds. Apparently my semi-adherence to my diet and loyal schedule of meds wasn't good enough. Now I feel pain in my stomach almost all the time, especially when I wake up. :-/
In case you're wondering- yes... I have been a little stressed. I'm going through a tremendous spiritual growth- by leaps and bounds actually- and all of us familiar with the Bible know it's Biblical for spiritual matters to tire us out. I feel like Elijah some days, depressed and exhuasted... even if I've never called fire down from the sky. LOL To add to matters, two friends are going through very similar problems and whenever I think about their families I get SICK to my stomach. Like, I seriously wanna puke, because I get so angry! I have no problems with this anger, either, because it's righteous indignation. Not to mention the Deceiver has me constantly worried about things I shouldn't worry about. If God is with me, who can be against me? If people hate me for doing His work, then they were never my friends to begin with.
So, I've been asking God what my real name is. I feel hesitant to put this up here, because it's sounds so high-and-mighty of myself, but twice now during prayerful moments I had the idea of Warrior. Yes, I'm Warrior. Not a warrior. It brings tears to my eyes whenever I think that God finds me a warrior. It's comforting and scary because I don't see myself as that and I want to know that it's from God and not me wanting that to be my name (because I do). Especially when I think about the second time that came to my head. I was deep in prayer and this random idea of me telling the BSU leaders that I'm a Warrior for God and meant to awaken the Church to true Christianity popped into my head. OMGosh...! That's so scary! To think that God even might have in store for me work of that sort puts me in a category with people like Ewan McManus. SO scary! Could I even do that? I know that I've got to try. If it's not what God wants, he won't be mad at me for being willing. I hate even talking about this because I seem so self-centered and all "look how great I am." Guys... I'm nobody! These thoughts scare me and humble me! I see myself so far from any kind of warrior it's not even funny. If you remember in your prayer times, just pray for me. I'd really appreciate it.