and 2 years later...
here i am. i abandoned you LJ, and i'm sorry. Myspace was the new thing and i got caught up. but i'm back. It used to discourage me to think that nobody read what i had to say. i was wrong then, but now i'm fairly positive nobody still checks my shit after nearly 2 years of inactivity and i think it's a good thing. This is my place again to put down thoughts, whether they're heard or not. i gotta get some shit out and although i dont want to really talk to somebody about it, i would mind if someone heard it.
first, vicki.
going on 5 years. 5 YEARS!
i never knew what i was doing when i broke your heart until you broke mine. i was sorry before, but i had no idea, the pain. I hate what's going on right now and i really wish i could just hate you and move on. I cant tho. I'm in love with you and there's nothing i can do about it. You've got me trapped. i broke up with you (stupid), then found out you cheated on me... i still wanted you back, but you want me to sit on the back burner for a while. The conditions of you taking me back are that i have to sit back and watch you run around dating other guys for several weeks. And i must say, i severely disapprove of robert. big brother, my ass. I told you from the start...
you haven't even started dating yet and i'm pulling my hair out just thinking about what's to come.
that's not even the worst part. This whole thing is the worst timed incident i've ever experienced. over our relationship, i couldn't do the grown up relationship thing. i wanted to have you as my girlfriend and just that. i see you when i'm not busy with other things. That was wrong.
when i finally reach the point i can see that... i make the decision to dedicate my life to you, to be all about you, to wrap myself in vicki, the woman i love and want to marry... as soon as i make this decision, i come home and you dont want me.
this is what i want for the rest of my life........
i've been trying to get you to change your mind but all i'm doing is making you want more time away from me... more time with OTHER PEOPLE L:SNKDLSGKNDFIOUGNXOCKJGNL:JKDGN:LG. i fucking hate it. I dont agree with it. I wish i could just forget about you but you're the only person in the world to me. You tell me you dont expect me to wait... but i dont want anybody else.
you say you'll come back to me when you're good and ready and i guess i believe you. It just turns my insides out when i picture you with somebody else.
i've just got to let you go and hope you're back soon.
Yours in agony,
Ray
first, vicki.
going on 5 years. 5 YEARS!
i never knew what i was doing when i broke your heart until you broke mine. i was sorry before, but i had no idea, the pain. I hate what's going on right now and i really wish i could just hate you and move on. I cant tho. I'm in love with you and there's nothing i can do about it. You've got me trapped. i broke up with you (stupid), then found out you cheated on me... i still wanted you back, but you want me to sit on the back burner for a while. The conditions of you taking me back are that i have to sit back and watch you run around dating other guys for several weeks. And i must say, i severely disapprove of robert. big brother, my ass. I told you from the start...
you haven't even started dating yet and i'm pulling my hair out just thinking about what's to come.
that's not even the worst part. This whole thing is the worst timed incident i've ever experienced. over our relationship, i couldn't do the grown up relationship thing. i wanted to have you as my girlfriend and just that. i see you when i'm not busy with other things. That was wrong.
when i finally reach the point i can see that... i make the decision to dedicate my life to you, to be all about you, to wrap myself in vicki, the woman i love and want to marry... as soon as i make this decision, i come home and you dont want me.
this is what i want for the rest of my life........
i've been trying to get you to change your mind but all i'm doing is making you want more time away from me... more time with OTHER PEOPLE L:SNKDLSGKNDFIOUGNXOCKJGNL:JKDGN:LG. i fucking hate it. I dont agree with it. I wish i could just forget about you but you're the only person in the world to me. You tell me you dont expect me to wait... but i dont want anybody else.
you say you'll come back to me when you're good and ready and i guess i believe you. It just turns my insides out when i picture you with somebody else.
i've just got to let you go and hope you're back soon.
Yours in agony,
Ray