Hello, My Name Is...Because You're Fascinated by my Inner Workings
I suppose enough life events have transpired for me to give an update.
This weekend has been filled with fun when it should have been filled with diligent studying. I have three finals coming up: Event Industry on Tuesday, and Into to Hospitality and History of Motion Pictures on Thursday. And then I will be done.
Last Thursday I went with Patrick and a couple others to see the Singing Christmas Trees, the Christmas production at my church. It was pretty spectacular. As per Baptist tradition, there were two large lit up christmas trees with the choir members acting as ornaments. The music was amazing, the scene writing not so much ("Your father always said you were the spice in his hot apple cider.")
Friday was an extreme lazy day where I pretty much played video games. Then in the evening I got some take out with Patrick and John, then went over to Lindsay's place and watched Bridge to Terebithia with a group of people.
Saturday I went to Ikea. It's the furniture place like in 500 Days of Summer. It was AMAZING. I wanted to turn on the Doves song and find a girl to run through the store with. But instead of a girl, John joined me and I found myself a dresser, bed frame, and mattress to fit in my new apartment. Then Patrick joined us and we went to Beejay's. The rest of the day was spent constructing my new furniture and placing it in John's (and soon to be mine also) room. Then Lindsay joined us and we watched Cloverfield.
Today actually featured studying! Went to church of course and took a Disney CP friend Ashley home. Then I tried to spend the afternoon studying (with plenty of distractions.) Tonight I actually joined my roommate Jeff with some friends Lisa and Amelia and we went to a little Rosen party with inflatable obstacle courses, and then went to the lady's apartment for some Mario Party 4. And now I am in my room typing this.
Ok, now for the disjointed ranting. I'm ready for more changes. I think I'm getting the hang of this. I made the change. I'm in Orlando, on my own. I am Christian, son of nobody, sibling of nobody. I am me living a life. It was extremely hard. Especially with my weird mentality that I can't seem to shake. I feel like my initial stance with everybody is that they are not going to like me and that they will hurt me somehow, either through judgement or gossip. I just feel scared about it. I have subconsciously positioned myself as the prey, and everybody I don't know as the predators. And it takes a long time to push that feeling away. And it was hard here. But I'm starting to shake it off, at least with a few people. But I've digressed; this was not my point.
My point is that these few months have been tough, but I've gotten through them successfully. I feel sad for people who I can tell haven't found a good reason to be happy in life yet. And of course the only good reason is Jesus. And I am happy! Not all the time of course. I allow sin and strange priorities to fill my life up with hollowness. But in the end of things I know why I'm here and what I have to live for and what I have to look forward to. And for some reason I never share it with people. It hit me hanging out with my Rosen friends today, and talking with the college friends I know who drink. It's just an empty, sad life that sustains itself through distractions. I just want to share with people, and I never do. Never.
A lot of people tune out to sermons and lessons they feel like they've heard before. But once, or twice, or thirty seven times will never be enough until with retain the message and act it out in our lives. I know I'm supposed to share. I know it's a major task God has handed out to all believers. And yet I let time slowly deflate, and I do nothing about it.
I also don't want to hold the anger and guilt and pride and insecurity that I have. Most of these problems come from two major things: Looking for people's approval and comparing myself to other people. But people aren't the point. If I lose the respect of a person by sharing the Gospel, then what am I losing? Why do I bog down meeting people and getting to know people with my constant over analysis of what they think of me? When I compare myself with other people, I can often find reasons to be proud of myself and reasons to not want to improve. But comparing myself with Christ is the only way I can continually grow in true love, humility, and confidence. I want to possess those qualities.
My head's been swirling. I don't know how to explain it. My brain desperately wants a creative outlet but I have no real ideas right now. I have the desire for inspiration more than actual inspiration. I want to be writing again, and taking photos, and making movies. But it's hard to do on my own with no outside motivation.
Thankfully I find it easy to update these. I'm considering tweaking Asklater a little bit, just to have a little more structure. I usually write anything on my mind, and I enjoy that, but I'm considering giving my blog more of a point, or a reason to be read. I'm not sure what I'll do. I want to open this up, but I also don't want to give up the sort of emotional openness I write into it. It's just that with my emotional openness comes the most insecure side of me, and I'm not sure I want to display that to the world.
I'm considering doing a side project YouTube. I don't want to give up Mulletland of course, but I just want a channel so that if I get randomly inspired to do a song or a vlog I can post them without hesitation.
Can I give you guys a challenge? You won't listen to me but I just want to give a challenge. If you actually do it, I think you'll be glad that you did. My challenge is to read one of Paul's letters all the way through, on a daily basis. Just read it through, the way a letter is meant to be read. Just do it once a day. It's just cool how it will open your eyes after a while; you'll see connections and insights you didn't recognize before. My suggestion would be to read James. Will you please do it? Please?
LAST MINUTE ADDITION (Yes, I know this is a long one)
John, Patrick, and I are considering getting a Colonial themed portrait of us, looking regal and serious, to hang in the living room. It will be beautiful.
This weekend has been filled with fun when it should have been filled with diligent studying. I have three finals coming up: Event Industry on Tuesday, and Into to Hospitality and History of Motion Pictures on Thursday. And then I will be done.
Last Thursday I went with Patrick and a couple others to see the Singing Christmas Trees, the Christmas production at my church. It was pretty spectacular. As per Baptist tradition, there were two large lit up christmas trees with the choir members acting as ornaments. The music was amazing, the scene writing not so much ("Your father always said you were the spice in his hot apple cider.")
Friday was an extreme lazy day where I pretty much played video games. Then in the evening I got some take out with Patrick and John, then went over to Lindsay's place and watched Bridge to Terebithia with a group of people.
Saturday I went to Ikea. It's the furniture place like in 500 Days of Summer. It was AMAZING. I wanted to turn on the Doves song and find a girl to run through the store with. But instead of a girl, John joined me and I found myself a dresser, bed frame, and mattress to fit in my new apartment. Then Patrick joined us and we went to Beejay's. The rest of the day was spent constructing my new furniture and placing it in John's (and soon to be mine also) room. Then Lindsay joined us and we watched Cloverfield.
Today actually featured studying! Went to church of course and took a Disney CP friend Ashley home. Then I tried to spend the afternoon studying (with plenty of distractions.) Tonight I actually joined my roommate Jeff with some friends Lisa and Amelia and we went to a little Rosen party with inflatable obstacle courses, and then went to the lady's apartment for some Mario Party 4. And now I am in my room typing this.
Ok, now for the disjointed ranting. I'm ready for more changes. I think I'm getting the hang of this. I made the change. I'm in Orlando, on my own. I am Christian, son of nobody, sibling of nobody. I am me living a life. It was extremely hard. Especially with my weird mentality that I can't seem to shake. I feel like my initial stance with everybody is that they are not going to like me and that they will hurt me somehow, either through judgement or gossip. I just feel scared about it. I have subconsciously positioned myself as the prey, and everybody I don't know as the predators. And it takes a long time to push that feeling away. And it was hard here. But I'm starting to shake it off, at least with a few people. But I've digressed; this was not my point.
My point is that these few months have been tough, but I've gotten through them successfully. I feel sad for people who I can tell haven't found a good reason to be happy in life yet. And of course the only good reason is Jesus. And I am happy! Not all the time of course. I allow sin and strange priorities to fill my life up with hollowness. But in the end of things I know why I'm here and what I have to live for and what I have to look forward to. And for some reason I never share it with people. It hit me hanging out with my Rosen friends today, and talking with the college friends I know who drink. It's just an empty, sad life that sustains itself through distractions. I just want to share with people, and I never do. Never.
A lot of people tune out to sermons and lessons they feel like they've heard before. But once, or twice, or thirty seven times will never be enough until with retain the message and act it out in our lives. I know I'm supposed to share. I know it's a major task God has handed out to all believers. And yet I let time slowly deflate, and I do nothing about it.
I also don't want to hold the anger and guilt and pride and insecurity that I have. Most of these problems come from two major things: Looking for people's approval and comparing myself to other people. But people aren't the point. If I lose the respect of a person by sharing the Gospel, then what am I losing? Why do I bog down meeting people and getting to know people with my constant over analysis of what they think of me? When I compare myself with other people, I can often find reasons to be proud of myself and reasons to not want to improve. But comparing myself with Christ is the only way I can continually grow in true love, humility, and confidence. I want to possess those qualities.
My head's been swirling. I don't know how to explain it. My brain desperately wants a creative outlet but I have no real ideas right now. I have the desire for inspiration more than actual inspiration. I want to be writing again, and taking photos, and making movies. But it's hard to do on my own with no outside motivation.
Thankfully I find it easy to update these. I'm considering tweaking Asklater a little bit, just to have a little more structure. I usually write anything on my mind, and I enjoy that, but I'm considering giving my blog more of a point, or a reason to be read. I'm not sure what I'll do. I want to open this up, but I also don't want to give up the sort of emotional openness I write into it. It's just that with my emotional openness comes the most insecure side of me, and I'm not sure I want to display that to the world.
I'm considering doing a side project YouTube. I don't want to give up Mulletland of course, but I just want a channel so that if I get randomly inspired to do a song or a vlog I can post them without hesitation.
Can I give you guys a challenge? You won't listen to me but I just want to give a challenge. If you actually do it, I think you'll be glad that you did. My challenge is to read one of Paul's letters all the way through, on a daily basis. Just read it through, the way a letter is meant to be read. Just do it once a day. It's just cool how it will open your eyes after a while; you'll see connections and insights you didn't recognize before. My suggestion would be to read James. Will you please do it? Please?
LAST MINUTE ADDITION (Yes, I know this is a long one)
John, Patrick, and I are considering getting a Colonial themed portrait of us, looking regal and serious, to hang in the living room. It will be beautiful.