Hello, My Name Is...Emo Comes in All Shapes and Sizes
So I've been emotional lately. In different ways. A few times I have seriously considered that maybe I'm becoming bipolar. I have weird moments of intense happiness over things as irrelevant as a song, and intense sadness over the fact that I'm still awkward here.
I'm in a very uncomfortable in between place here. Maybe I've already expressed this in another emo blog, but I'll go ahead and reiterate. I know that this is where God wants me to be right now. I believe He's placed me here. So I don't wish to go home. I don't want to go back to Niceville. I haven't moved on from the people, but I've moved on from having that life, and to wish to go back would be to wish to backtrack my life. On the other hand, my emotions don't tell me I'm home here. I just don't feel it. And I guess that's mainly just cause I haven't struck up a huge group of friends who I can be myself around.
I never thought I would have that. And it wasn't for a while until I realized that the group I had at home was a group where I really felt like I could be myself, and didn't feel unwanted or unappreciated, but truly felt that most everybody specifically wanted me around and appreciated the bond that we stuck up.
I didn't truly appreciate that until I come here. I am getting to know a few people. But I can't rely on just one or two friendships, because sooner or later I'll need to branch out. I feel a lot of spiritual support here, and a lot of christian brotherly love, like I've never known actually.
I just want people who consider me close. It just takes time. It really took years to develop the closeness I have with you guys at home. I just don't want to wait that long here!
I really hate all this emo-ness, cause I see myself as a rather optimistic person. In fact, since I've been here, I've constantly been assessing life as a whole. Instead of thinking about how my day is going, I think of what my life is.
That's why I've kept saying that life is huge. It's just so BIG that I can't hold it on my own. That's why I so gracious my Father runs the world, and is with me always.
For now I'm going to say Life is work. It takes a lot out of me to be alone to the length I'm alone. On the other hand, it takes a lot of work to try and function comfortably with in large groups of people that I'm trying to get to know.
Not that's it's all work. When I'm in certain groups, I certainly feel much lighter and happier and back to myself.
I think things are looking up. I mean, this is all God's plan, so I have faith that he will turn this all into something quite amazing.
I'm in a very uncomfortable in between place here. Maybe I've already expressed this in another emo blog, but I'll go ahead and reiterate. I know that this is where God wants me to be right now. I believe He's placed me here. So I don't wish to go home. I don't want to go back to Niceville. I haven't moved on from the people, but I've moved on from having that life, and to wish to go back would be to wish to backtrack my life. On the other hand, my emotions don't tell me I'm home here. I just don't feel it. And I guess that's mainly just cause I haven't struck up a huge group of friends who I can be myself around.
I never thought I would have that. And it wasn't for a while until I realized that the group I had at home was a group where I really felt like I could be myself, and didn't feel unwanted or unappreciated, but truly felt that most everybody specifically wanted me around and appreciated the bond that we stuck up.
I didn't truly appreciate that until I come here. I am getting to know a few people. But I can't rely on just one or two friendships, because sooner or later I'll need to branch out. I feel a lot of spiritual support here, and a lot of christian brotherly love, like I've never known actually.
I just want people who consider me close. It just takes time. It really took years to develop the closeness I have with you guys at home. I just don't want to wait that long here!
I really hate all this emo-ness, cause I see myself as a rather optimistic person. In fact, since I've been here, I've constantly been assessing life as a whole. Instead of thinking about how my day is going, I think of what my life is.
That's why I've kept saying that life is huge. It's just so BIG that I can't hold it on my own. That's why I so gracious my Father runs the world, and is with me always.
For now I'm going to say Life is work. It takes a lot out of me to be alone to the length I'm alone. On the other hand, it takes a lot of work to try and function comfortably with in large groups of people that I'm trying to get to know.
Not that's it's all work. When I'm in certain groups, I certainly feel much lighter and happier and back to myself.
I think things are looking up. I mean, this is all God's plan, so I have faith that he will turn this all into something quite amazing.