TFYC: morning after, part deux - John POV
Awake at Night sequel, second part of that old ficlet about John waking up the morning after and also pancakes.
Warning for John-levels of sensitive discussion of issues that cropped up in awake at night.
---
The stairs are just as easy to take on autopilot on the way up as on the way down. That means he can afford not to think or even look as he climbs, a hand trailing the wall. He knows this house by heart, every single angle and crevice, it's been his since farther than he can remember.
Hosting guests in it was awesome; having to give up part of his claim to it feels weird.
Don't say yes or no straight away, son, take the time to think about it, Dad told him, and he will... eventually. For now he's just going to turn his computer on and find some braincell-killing browser game and rack up a crapton of pixel points.
If it's a joke it's the biggest one Dad's ever played on him, but it's not funny. It's not bad-unfunny either, it's just... not joke material he guesses, and argh, he wasn't thinking about it.
Only as he passes by his dad's corridor he sees a flash of purple, and when he stops Gamzee is there, emerging from that door John himself hadn't dared to cross for the first thirteen years of his life.
His long arms are full of clothes. Huh.
"Yo, motherfucker."
John laughs back because he can't get enough of Gamzee's casual swearing. He wonders who will wear down first, Dad or him. "Yo."
"You uh, got your talk on with Hatdad all clear and proper, then?"
Hatdad. Funny nickname, only there's a touch of something that's almost nervousness in Gamzee's usually beyond-zero chill that makes John feel weird. He takes a step back in preparation for spectacular absconding.
"Yeah, I, uh. Gotta think about stuff, so talk to you laGamzee why are you holding underpants."
The troll blinks at him, then blinks down to his armful. "Whoa, hi there, Karkat's tiny pants."
John closes his mouth.
Turns on one heel.
"You know what. See you later. Yep. Byebye."
His own bedroom is only ten steps and up a small flight of stairs away and he knows it by heart. He bounces against the corners of the walls anyway.
--
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is idle! --
EB: VANTAS GET YOUR BUTT ONLINE!!
CG: WHAT THE BILGEGUZZLING FUCK ARE YOU DOING APPROPRIATING MY QUIRK, FUCKNUGGET.
CG: IS, UH
CG: SOMETHNG WRONG?
EB: you bet your ass something is wrong!!!
CG: OH.
CG: I
CG: OKAY. THAT'S COOL. I DIDN'T WANT TO STEP ON YOUR TOES OR ANYTHING. IT WAS JUST A THOUGHT. IT'S FINE.
EB: what were your underthings *doing* in my dad's room!?
CG: WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS ANYWAY. RIGHT?
CG: %$^PNik&[@RSLF
EB: well?
CG: OH FUCK ME WITH A RUSTY FORK. I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T GO IN YOUR LUSUS' ROOM. YOU NEVER DID ON THE VIEWPORTS.
EB: i don't.
EB: but apparently gamzee does!! :D
EB: to pick up mr vantas' lacy lingerie??? :D :D :D
EB: what the *hell*, karkat.
CG: THAT
CG: I'D RATHER NOT
EB: you'd rather not what.
CG: NOTHING HAPPENED, JOHN.
EB: sjluozaj NOTHING HAPPENED AS OPPOSED TO WHAT IS WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW!!!!!
EB: there is NO REASON why your man panties should be in my dad's room seriously what the heck?????
EB: i can only think of one thing and i really don't want to think it because it doesn't make sense and it's fake and stupid and would never happen in a million years haha
EB: BUT I'M THINKING IT ANYWAY oh gog I feel sick
CG: WE THOUGHT HE'D WANT TO. A TROLL WOULD HAVE.
EB: MY FRIEND WOULD NEVER TRY TO SEDUCE **MY DAD** RIGHT????
CG: JOHN.
EB: YOU ARE NOT BECOMING MY NEW STEPMOM, KARKAT, ESPECIALLY AFTER
EB: oh jegus he wants to *adopt you* you sick fuck what the hell???
EB: this is starting to sound like the plot of one of those creepnasty incest and abuse things about new stepdads and their tender young fresh adopted daughters augh augh augh no my brain!
EB: it can't be that but it's all i can think about, so just tell me what the heck happened, it can't be worse!
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is idle! --
EB: oh no you don't, mister! if i have to come find you i will!
CG: JOHN. SHUT YOUR FUCKING WORD VOMIT FOUNTAIN.
CG: YOUR DAD DIDN'T TOUCH US.
CG: HE WAS ENTIRELY HORRIFIED AT THE THOUGHT, IN FACT. IT WAS A GRAND LESSON IN HUMAN MORES. THE XENOSOCIOLOGICAL FIELD IS MADE RICHER FOR IT.
EB: i am hyperventilating in real life, i'll have you know.
EB: why how WHY did that question even come up????? you weren't REALLY getting naked in my dad's room, were you???
CG: CAN WE JUST CHALK IT UP AS AN EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING CULTURAL MISHAP AND BURY IT ALREADY?
CG: THE EQUINE IS DECEASED, LET US NOT ALLOW ITS CARCASS TO STINK UP THE PLACE. I PRESENT YOU, THE SHOVEL OF NASAL SALVATION.
CG: SO HOW 'BOUT THAT HUMAN NIKLAS CAYIDJ.
CG: HE SURE IS DOING MOVIES, HUH.
CG: OR AT LEAST HE THINKS SO, BUT I FEEL A NEW TROLL TODAY. GENEROSITY AND THE BENEFIT OF DOUBT SHALL BE GRANTED FOR ALL.
EB: karkat shut up.
EB: you got naked in my dad's room.
EB: when he was there?
EB: did you have a weird rash and you wanted a second opinion? whew sorry for flying of the handle hehehe, i feel silly now.
CG: I THOUGHT HE WANTED TO FUCK ME.
EB: ...
EB: i don't even know what to say.
EB: but if i still had the breeze there'd probably be a hole in the roof by now.
EB: just saying.
EB: casual-like.
CG: I THOUGHT IT WAS THE PRICE FOR LETTING US LIVE HERE.
CG: BECAUSE ON ALTERNIA IT WOULD HAVE BEEN.
CG: BECAUSE A LUSUS WOULD ONLY CARE ABOUT *THEIR CHARGE'S* SURVIVAL
CG: AND ANYONE ELSE COULD DIE FOR ALL IT CARED
CG: AND AN ADULT WOULD HAVE ONLY TWO MOTIVES FOR GETTING CLOSE TO A WIGGLER AND THE SECOND ONE IS THEY MAKE A PORTABLE IF SQUIRMY FOOD SOURCE.
CG: I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING *REALLY NICE* IN WAITING FOR US TO COME TO HIM
CG: INSTEAD OF BEATING US UP AND BENDING US OVER THE DIMINUTIVE MAGAZINE-HOLDING TABLE.
CG: DO YOU WANT A FEW MORE SORDID DETAILS, JOHN HUMAN.
CG: DO YOU?
CG: FUCK YOU, I WON'T TELL YOU. I'D RATHER DIE
CG: I'M SO FUCKING GLAD YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT, LIKE YOU *COULDN'T*.
CG: I SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TOLD YOU THAT MUCH. JUST FORGET IT, OKAY? ALTERNIA SUCKED IN SOME PRETTY MAJOR WAYS IF YOU RAN OUT OF LUCK, FOR THE REST OF US IT WAS HORROR STORIES TO LAUGH ABOUT AT SUN-GAUNT DAY'S EVE, WE'RE NOT THERE ANYMORE, BAM! IRRELEVANT NOW, LET'S JUST DUMP THE DATA.
CG: I DON'T WANT THAT FILTH IN YOUR HEAD.
CG: SORRY I DUMPED THIS ON YOU. ONCE AGAIN KARKAT VANTAS MISSES A GOLDEN OCCASION TO KEEP HIS BLATHERHOLE SHUT, NO ONE IN PARADOX SPACE IS SURPRISED.
CG: SORRY.
CG: JOHN?
CG: john please
CG: i'm sortsjklffffffffffffffff%%
--
Karkat is crying clear pink all over his superman shirt. John tackles him at a run. They topple on the other side of the pile, asses up, heads down, in an avalanche of pillows and shoes and telephone books. Karkat's crabtop lands on John's head. John plans to blame it for the way his own eyes might be a tiny little bit misted over.
"Dibs on elder brother," he says, "because I totally deserve the right to boss you two around."
Also the right to beat up anyone who goes after his little bros.
(Even if one of them is probably ten times as dangerous as John will ever be.)
(Maybe Gamzee needs to be protected from ever needing to protect himself again.)
Maybe Gamzee needs to stop lurking in the doorway holy crap John almost had a heart attack. Only not, because he's still sorta pinning Karkat down, who's flushed in either offense or too many feelings and rubbing at his eyes.
"What's the haps in this here fine pile, dudes?"
He looks a little wary, a little unsure, in his vague Gamzee way. John grins up at him. "I'm showing Karkat how to have a feelings jam, brother-style!"
And then of course he plants his hand between Karkat's little horns and he noogies the shit out of him.
Karkat flails and kicks ineffectually, spluttering in outrage. "EGBERT!" John laughs, giddy.
"Which one? Hehehehehe. Gamzee Egbert. Gamzee Makara Egbert? Gamzee Egbert-Makara."
He could keep that up for hours, but then he hears Gamzee's honking laugh, and he sees Karkat's face relax from teary-eyed confusion to a sort of (oh god so embarrassing) dawning wonder. John just has to noogie him again, sorry he does, the state of his manhood is at stake.
"HeheheHEY!"
Gamzee has just flopped like a bag of potatoes and coat hangers across the both of them. And now his hand is in John's hair. Is he going to... He wouldn't dare!
He does.
--
"Boys! Any of you mind explaining why I am finding bits and pieces of your pile showered all over the living room?"
"Umm I'm sure I don't know, Dad! Freak tornado?"
"Hahaha I guess they up and felt like getting their flying on."
"Er. Yeah. Absolutely no idea either, none at all, but we'll fix it anyway, that's what good sons do, right? Move your asses, you two."
"Hey! I'm the elder bro, I boss you around."
"I'm usurping your title, nubslurp. Move."
"But best bro, I got my recollection on that I got me that wicked wriggling day partytimes like ages before yours?"
"Hm, hm! And John and his friends came in last on his birthday, isn't it? Hehe. Looks to me like Gamzee is eldest!"
"Noooooooooooo!" "Oh no." "Oh noooo." "No."
"Hahahahaha."
Warning for John-levels of sensitive discussion of issues that cropped up in awake at night.
---
The stairs are just as easy to take on autopilot on the way up as on the way down. That means he can afford not to think or even look as he climbs, a hand trailing the wall. He knows this house by heart, every single angle and crevice, it's been his since farther than he can remember.
Hosting guests in it was awesome; having to give up part of his claim to it feels weird.
Don't say yes or no straight away, son, take the time to think about it, Dad told him, and he will... eventually. For now he's just going to turn his computer on and find some braincell-killing browser game and rack up a crapton of pixel points.
If it's a joke it's the biggest one Dad's ever played on him, but it's not funny. It's not bad-unfunny either, it's just... not joke material he guesses, and argh, he wasn't thinking about it.
Only as he passes by his dad's corridor he sees a flash of purple, and when he stops Gamzee is there, emerging from that door John himself hadn't dared to cross for the first thirteen years of his life.
His long arms are full of clothes. Huh.
"Yo, motherfucker."
John laughs back because he can't get enough of Gamzee's casual swearing. He wonders who will wear down first, Dad or him. "Yo."
"You uh, got your talk on with Hatdad all clear and proper, then?"
Hatdad. Funny nickname, only there's a touch of something that's almost nervousness in Gamzee's usually beyond-zero chill that makes John feel weird. He takes a step back in preparation for spectacular absconding.
"Yeah, I, uh. Gotta think about stuff, so talk to you laGamzee why are you holding underpants."
The troll blinks at him, then blinks down to his armful. "Whoa, hi there, Karkat's tiny pants."
John closes his mouth.
Turns on one heel.
"You know what. See you later. Yep. Byebye."
His own bedroom is only ten steps and up a small flight of stairs away and he knows it by heart. He bounces against the corners of the walls anyway.
--
-- ectoBiologist [EB] started pestering carcinoGeneticist [CG] --
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is idle! --
EB: VANTAS GET YOUR BUTT ONLINE!!
CG: WHAT THE BILGEGUZZLING FUCK ARE YOU DOING APPROPRIATING MY QUIRK, FUCKNUGGET.
CG: IS, UH
CG: SOMETHNG WRONG?
EB: you bet your ass something is wrong!!!
CG: OH.
CG: I
CG: OKAY. THAT'S COOL. I DIDN'T WANT TO STEP ON YOUR TOES OR ANYTHING. IT WAS JUST A THOUGHT. IT'S FINE.
EB: what were your underthings *doing* in my dad's room!?
CG: WE CAN STILL BE FRIENDS ANYWAY. RIGHT?
CG: %$^PNik&[@RSLF
EB: well?
CG: OH FUCK ME WITH A RUSTY FORK. I THOUGHT YOU DIDN'T GO IN YOUR LUSUS' ROOM. YOU NEVER DID ON THE VIEWPORTS.
EB: i don't.
EB: but apparently gamzee does!! :D
EB: to pick up mr vantas' lacy lingerie??? :D :D :D
EB: what the *hell*, karkat.
CG: THAT
CG: I'D RATHER NOT
EB: you'd rather not what.
CG: NOTHING HAPPENED, JOHN.
EB: sjluozaj NOTHING HAPPENED AS OPPOSED TO WHAT IS WHAT I'D LIKE TO KNOW!!!!!
EB: there is NO REASON why your man panties should be in my dad's room seriously what the heck?????
EB: i can only think of one thing and i really don't want to think it because it doesn't make sense and it's fake and stupid and would never happen in a million years haha
EB: BUT I'M THINKING IT ANYWAY oh gog I feel sick
CG: WE THOUGHT HE'D WANT TO. A TROLL WOULD HAVE.
EB: MY FRIEND WOULD NEVER TRY TO SEDUCE **MY DAD** RIGHT????
CG: JOHN.
EB: YOU ARE NOT BECOMING MY NEW STEPMOM, KARKAT, ESPECIALLY AFTER
EB: oh jegus he wants to *adopt you* you sick fuck what the hell???
EB: this is starting to sound like the plot of one of those creepnasty incest and abuse things about new stepdads and their tender young fresh adopted daughters augh augh augh no my brain!
EB: it can't be that but it's all i can think about, so just tell me what the heck happened, it can't be worse!
-- carcinoGeneticist [CG] is idle! --
EB: oh no you don't, mister! if i have to come find you i will!
CG: JOHN. SHUT YOUR FUCKING WORD VOMIT FOUNTAIN.
CG: YOUR DAD DIDN'T TOUCH US.
CG: HE WAS ENTIRELY HORRIFIED AT THE THOUGHT, IN FACT. IT WAS A GRAND LESSON IN HUMAN MORES. THE XENOSOCIOLOGICAL FIELD IS MADE RICHER FOR IT.
EB: i am hyperventilating in real life, i'll have you know.
EB: why how WHY did that question even come up????? you weren't REALLY getting naked in my dad's room, were you???
CG: CAN WE JUST CHALK IT UP AS AN EXTREMELY EMBARRASSING CULTURAL MISHAP AND BURY IT ALREADY?
CG: THE EQUINE IS DECEASED, LET US NOT ALLOW ITS CARCASS TO STINK UP THE PLACE. I PRESENT YOU, THE SHOVEL OF NASAL SALVATION.
CG: SO HOW 'BOUT THAT HUMAN NIKLAS CAYIDJ.
CG: HE SURE IS DOING MOVIES, HUH.
CG: OR AT LEAST HE THINKS SO, BUT I FEEL A NEW TROLL TODAY. GENEROSITY AND THE BENEFIT OF DOUBT SHALL BE GRANTED FOR ALL.
EB: karkat shut up.
EB: you got naked in my dad's room.
EB: when he was there?
EB: did you have a weird rash and you wanted a second opinion? whew sorry for flying of the handle hehehe, i feel silly now.
CG: I THOUGHT HE WANTED TO FUCK ME.
EB: ...
EB: i don't even know what to say.
EB: but if i still had the breeze there'd probably be a hole in the roof by now.
EB: just saying.
EB: casual-like.
CG: I THOUGHT IT WAS THE PRICE FOR LETTING US LIVE HERE.
CG: BECAUSE ON ALTERNIA IT WOULD HAVE BEEN.
CG: BECAUSE A LUSUS WOULD ONLY CARE ABOUT *THEIR CHARGE'S* SURVIVAL
CG: AND ANYONE ELSE COULD DIE FOR ALL IT CARED
CG: AND AN ADULT WOULD HAVE ONLY TWO MOTIVES FOR GETTING CLOSE TO A WIGGLER AND THE SECOND ONE IS THEY MAKE A PORTABLE IF SQUIRMY FOOD SOURCE.
CG: I THOUGHT HE WAS BEING *REALLY NICE* IN WAITING FOR US TO COME TO HIM
CG: INSTEAD OF BEATING US UP AND BENDING US OVER THE DIMINUTIVE MAGAZINE-HOLDING TABLE.
CG: DO YOU WANT A FEW MORE SORDID DETAILS, JOHN HUMAN.
CG: DO YOU?
CG: FUCK YOU, I WON'T TELL YOU. I'D RATHER DIE
CG: I'M SO FUCKING GLAD YOU DIDN'T EVEN THINK OF THAT, LIKE YOU *COULDN'T*.
CG: I SHOULDN'T EVEN HAVE TOLD YOU THAT MUCH. JUST FORGET IT, OKAY? ALTERNIA SUCKED IN SOME PRETTY MAJOR WAYS IF YOU RAN OUT OF LUCK, FOR THE REST OF US IT WAS HORROR STORIES TO LAUGH ABOUT AT SUN-GAUNT DAY'S EVE, WE'RE NOT THERE ANYMORE, BAM! IRRELEVANT NOW, LET'S JUST DUMP THE DATA.
CG: I DON'T WANT THAT FILTH IN YOUR HEAD.
CG: SORRY I DUMPED THIS ON YOU. ONCE AGAIN KARKAT VANTAS MISSES A GOLDEN OCCASION TO KEEP HIS BLATHERHOLE SHUT, NO ONE IN PARADOX SPACE IS SURPRISED.
CG: SORRY.
CG: JOHN?
CG: john please
CG: i'm sortsjklffffffffffffffff%%
--
Karkat is crying clear pink all over his superman shirt. John tackles him at a run. They topple on the other side of the pile, asses up, heads down, in an avalanche of pillows and shoes and telephone books. Karkat's crabtop lands on John's head. John plans to blame it for the way his own eyes might be a tiny little bit misted over.
"Dibs on elder brother," he says, "because I totally deserve the right to boss you two around."
Also the right to beat up anyone who goes after his little bros.
(Even if one of them is probably ten times as dangerous as John will ever be.)
(Maybe Gamzee needs to be protected from ever needing to protect himself again.)
Maybe Gamzee needs to stop lurking in the doorway holy crap John almost had a heart attack. Only not, because he's still sorta pinning Karkat down, who's flushed in either offense or too many feelings and rubbing at his eyes.
"What's the haps in this here fine pile, dudes?"
He looks a little wary, a little unsure, in his vague Gamzee way. John grins up at him. "I'm showing Karkat how to have a feelings jam, brother-style!"
And then of course he plants his hand between Karkat's little horns and he noogies the shit out of him.
Karkat flails and kicks ineffectually, spluttering in outrage. "EGBERT!" John laughs, giddy.
"Which one? Hehehehehe. Gamzee Egbert. Gamzee Makara Egbert? Gamzee Egbert-Makara."
He could keep that up for hours, but then he hears Gamzee's honking laugh, and he sees Karkat's face relax from teary-eyed confusion to a sort of (oh god so embarrassing) dawning wonder. John just has to noogie him again, sorry he does, the state of his manhood is at stake.
"HeheheHEY!"
Gamzee has just flopped like a bag of potatoes and coat hangers across the both of them. And now his hand is in John's hair. Is he going to... He wouldn't dare!
He does.
--
"Boys! Any of you mind explaining why I am finding bits and pieces of your pile showered all over the living room?"
"Umm I'm sure I don't know, Dad! Freak tornado?"
"Hahaha I guess they up and felt like getting their flying on."
"Er. Yeah. Absolutely no idea either, none at all, but we'll fix it anyway, that's what good sons do, right? Move your asses, you two."
"Hey! I'm the elder bro, I boss you around."
"I'm usurping your title, nubslurp. Move."
"But best bro, I got my recollection on that I got me that wicked wriggling day partytimes like ages before yours?"
"Hm, hm! And John and his friends came in last on his birthday, isn't it? Hehe. Looks to me like Gamzee is eldest!"
"Noooooooooooo!" "Oh no." "Oh noooo." "No."
"Hahahahaha."