What Not To Wear: Torchwood Edition
I must say I am not entirely pleased with the design houses lately. The 2009 collections show a definite lack of couture male businesswear capable of withstanding multiple bulletholes without becoming passe.
For example: Gaetano Navarra shoes.
Good for kicking things, bad for running.
I've often considered adding small spikes to the toes of my shoes for increased kickability in desperate straits, but the first test of the device involved bleeding (not mine) and a turned ankle (mine).
Incorporating that much lethality into the design of the shoe itself seems to be going downright overboard.
And that's just the pointy tip of the iceberg.
Burberry: making the flak-jacket look fashionable again. They are, however, still Burberry, and chavs need not apply to Torchwood.
This would be an ideal winter coat for Cardiff were it not slightly too close in appearance to Jack's, thus making us appear to be a very well-dressed militia of two (plus dominatrix, if you count what Gwen's been wearing lately) and also it's still Burberry.
On the positive side: Moschino. I do wish someone would revive the bowler hat. I think I have the proper sort of head to wear one extremely well. A few razors in the brim, a secret compartment of retcon in the crown, and it could be an excellent addition to nearly any suit in my wardrobe.
I'm fairly sure Juun hides the necks of all his models because they're alien clones. Note to self: more thorough investigation required. Purchasing any sort of turtleneck whatsoever: not required. I like the layers, though.
Antony Price is so very shiny. I can never quite bear how shiny he is. Absolutely inappropriate for night-time special operations or any kind of sneaking about at all. On the other hand, employer has been known to be attracted to shiny things...eh. Not worth it. Cheaper just to buy glitter.
Hats that do not need revival: this one. John Galliano, honestly.
Honestly.
I'm not pleased by how much I like those boots, but it's irrelevant because nobody could run after Karfs from Teuter Prime in trousers like that. I've no idea how those tight-inseam'd Victorians managed. Pro tip, Tom Ford: top secret alien hunters need generous-cut, flat-front trousers. (Some alteration for the proper showing-off of rear assets allowed).
So where do we turn in this bewildering world of pointy shoes, concealed necks, and counterproductive shine?
James Bond, naturally.
Although he tends to look rather rumpled by the end of the film. I pride myself that after a mission I am always rather more spruce than Mr. Bond. On the other hand, I rarely get to shoot Russian spies or blow up anything larger than a breadbox. So I suppose it all evens out.
Remember: the twenty-first century is when everything changes, and you must be fashion forward.
For example: Gaetano Navarra shoes.
Good for kicking things, bad for running.
I've often considered adding small spikes to the toes of my shoes for increased kickability in desperate straits, but the first test of the device involved bleeding (not mine) and a turned ankle (mine).
Incorporating that much lethality into the design of the shoe itself seems to be going downright overboard.
And that's just the pointy tip of the iceberg.
Burberry: making the flak-jacket look fashionable again. They are, however, still Burberry, and chavs need not apply to Torchwood.
This would be an ideal winter coat for Cardiff were it not slightly too close in appearance to Jack's, thus making us appear to be a very well-dressed militia of two (plus dominatrix, if you count what Gwen's been wearing lately) and also it's still Burberry.
On the positive side: Moschino. I do wish someone would revive the bowler hat. I think I have the proper sort of head to wear one extremely well. A few razors in the brim, a secret compartment of retcon in the crown, and it could be an excellent addition to nearly any suit in my wardrobe.
I'm fairly sure Juun hides the necks of all his models because they're alien clones. Note to self: more thorough investigation required. Purchasing any sort of turtleneck whatsoever: not required. I like the layers, though.
Antony Price is so very shiny. I can never quite bear how shiny he is. Absolutely inappropriate for night-time special operations or any kind of sneaking about at all. On the other hand, employer has been known to be attracted to shiny things...eh. Not worth it. Cheaper just to buy glitter.
Hats that do not need revival: this one. John Galliano, honestly.
Honestly.
I'm not pleased by how much I like those boots, but it's irrelevant because nobody could run after Karfs from Teuter Prime in trousers like that. I've no idea how those tight-inseam'd Victorians managed. Pro tip, Tom Ford: top secret alien hunters need generous-cut, flat-front trousers. (Some alteration for the proper showing-off of rear assets allowed).
So where do we turn in this bewildering world of pointy shoes, concealed necks, and counterproductive shine?
James Bond, naturally.
Although he tends to look rather rumpled by the end of the film. I pride myself that after a mission I am always rather more spruce than Mr. Bond. On the other hand, I rarely get to shoot Russian spies or blow up anything larger than a breadbox. So I suppose it all evens out.
Remember: the twenty-first century is when everything changes, and you must be fashion forward.