Happy Birthday Queen Elizabeth Please Don't Read This

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Bugger bugger bugger!

GWEN. RHYS. I need festive Welsh dishes and fairy cakes! Rhys, I know you can do amazing things with snacks. I'm on my knees and not in the fun way!

HART, drag yourself in and bathe. I will hose you down if I must and you won't enjoy it as much as it sounds like you will

Comments

[ask_arealdoctor]

I'm on it! We'll need lots of bunting and little flags and such. And flowers. She likes flowers. And I'll grab as many different types of tea as I can find in the shops.

I don't have to wear my UNIT uniform, do I? I hope not.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Shout TORCHWOOD if anyone bothers you!

I don't think you need to wear the uniform, you're seconded to Torchwood now. Though I'm sure you look jaunty in the beret --

No time for that! I have to prepare for the inevitability of John Hart.

[ask_arealdoctor]

No one expects the inevitability of John Hart! His chief weapon is surprise... and fear... and body odour!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Don't forget the guns, swords, and grenades!

[ask_arealdoctor]

Make sure he cleans his teeth. Heaven only knows what he has between his teeth.

[askfor_bananas]

Would now be a good time to mention that the TARDIS has a prison cell?

[ask_aboutcoffee]

She'll ask after him. You know she will. Maybe we can sedate him. I WILL ASK MARTHA. NO, SHE'S GETTING BUNTING AND TEA. I'll ask her when she comes back.

[ask_arealdoctor]

Already thought of that. He'll be sleeping off the "happy pills" and will probably awaken groggy. He reacts reasonably well to the Lorazepam -- we can put it in his drink.

By the way, OWEN KEPT MDMA IN A JAM JAR MARKED "HAPPY". I've tossed the whole thing in the incinerator. Who let that man practice medicine?

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Jack let him practice medicine, but mostly only on dead things.

You are a goddess among doctors, Martha.

[ask_arealdoctor]

Yes, I am! But you needn't worry about asking me to hang bunting, Ianto. I'm a doctor, not an ogre! :D

[ask_captainjack]

He was a great friend, he just wasn't a great doctor! I didn't mind. He was like a little brother. The kind that melts in a nuclear reactor. Not the kind that was frozen in our freezy box.

[gwen_e_cooper]

And a great lay. Bored easily though, but still.

RIP OWEN.

(Why does his headstone say "OEWN"? Did you get it in Dubai?)

[ask_captainjack]

I beta-ed it myself. I'm not good with details! They're beneath me. It's the thought that counts, Gewn.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Looked more Welsh that way.

[ask_arealdoctor]

I didn't mean to speak ill of him. I'm just a bit frantic at the moment. I'm sure he was a wonderful friend.

[gwen_e_cooper]

Thanks, Martha.

He was actually a sarky twat most of the time but we loved him.

(So did the weevils.)