Bad Timing Leaves a Bad Taste
I have bad taste, or should i say, bad timing? I'm falling for the best friend of my most recent ex, my ex knew that I liked him before we hooked up, in fact at one point he tried to hook us up.
I am attracted to trouble. I get invovled with people i shouldn't or end up not dating the people I really want to date for the sake of friendships and integrity.
Should I pursue something with this one? or as usual bite my tongue and wait for better timing.
Dear Trouble,
Is it bad taste or bad timing? Are you in love with trouble and drama, or is this about the person? How can you tell?
Were you interested in this person before dating them was interrrrrrelationship-ally complicated? You liked him before you dated your ex, right? So the feelings pre-date the relationship with your ex? That seems cool.
How would your ex feel about you dating this person? He tried to hook you up once, but would things be different now that your ex has dated you?
How recent was the breakup, and would it be hurtful for your ex if you got together with anyone, let alone his best friend, right around now? And what is your relationship like with your ex?
Yes, this is all very complicated. Human relationships are fraught with peril. Rather than looking for a mate with the best genes and breeding potential and the ability to fight by your side, you often seem to seek out the partners with the most drama potential and cause for fighting within the relationship.
It's normal, don't ask me why, for a human to be attracted to the complications and trouble. Is it healthy? I think the health and growth comes from knowing when to chuck convention in the name of love, and when to maintain friendships and integrity rather than hook up with a partner of dubious lasting-ness. And you recognize this as a pattern - this might be something to think about in the longer term.
The simple kaiju answer would be to fight your ex to the death and whoever wins gets the friend, but in the interest of humanity, I would say: Figure out what dating the friend would do to your relationship with your ex, and whether you can live with that. (This may involve talking to your ex about it.) Then go from there.
Best of luck,
monstrosity