the-wife-of-the-guy-whose-sperm-is-about-to-become-the-infant-of-a-lesbian

[ask_captainjack]

Dear Captain Jack,

Here I was, living in the first few years of the twenty-first century, and feeling really good about how all-inclusive we were all being. I mean, men and women, men and men, women and women, dogs and cats, it all seemed so wonderful and idyllic.

But now I find I'm in a Miss Manners Etiquette Quandary from Hell. Only Captain Jack

Comments

[pure_morning_8]

Woah. How and where do I put a Y in 'Lorna'?

[ask_captainjack]

OK

Let me think about this one.

I fucking love challenges!

yLorna

The "y" is silent. Tell everyone it's Welsh!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

LOL Jack, your inability to grasp Welsh amuses me!

If you call her yLorna you have to call her _yLorna. The _ means the letter after it is silent!

[pure_morning_8]

Pfft. You come up with something better, YanYan.

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Important to note: even if you do name your child Yantoe, it is still not okay to call him Yan.

Also, Swedish women, if Jack is not available please feel free to contact me for an extensive appointment-scheduling session.

(Or Swedish men!)

[ask_captainjack]

I'm a BIG FAN of the Swedish tourists.

I like to do whatever I can to help them out.

Ianto finds them wandering the Plass, being all blonde and big titted, eating meatballs on sticks, playing ice hockey and such...

[ask_aboutcoffee]

Sometimes they look so lost until I hand them a hex key from a flatpack furniture assembly kit!

[ask_captainjack]

I lol when the volleyball players come up to me and all they know in English is "Flat-Pack? Flat? Pack?"

I think it's Torchwood's duty to help these Swedes out.

[gwen_e_cooper]

Okay Jack, you can't put random y's in to make Welsh baby names.

Here are some lovely ones:

Angharad

Rhiannon (like the song)

Gwen

Ianto

[ask_captainjack]

LOL PULL THE OTHER ONE.

Where are all the Ggg and FFF and LLL and yyys?

Welsh names have to sound like you're speaking around marbles or they're not actually Welsh.

Fygrfy!

[gwen_e_cooper]

You can add ffs of lls, yes.

Not y's!

Come off it. You've lived here for ages, Boe. You're just being silly!

[ask_captainjack]

I'm not being silly, I'm being obstinate!

Obstinate is handsome on me.

[oh_doask]

Home Pod Co-Occupant, Third Best Mom, Dad's Contractual Bond-Mate, The Fifth Wheel, Loan Officer

No need to rub it in.

I LIKED "WOODEN"! IT'S LIKE JAYDEN! ONLY COOL!

IT'S LIKE STICK!

IT'S A TREASURE!

SHE WOULD HAVE BEEN HAPPY WITH IT! I ASKED HER! SHE MADE A DOUBLE BLIP!

[ask_aboutcoffee]

In Welsh, it's Woden.

[ask_captainjack]

Oh not you Welsh too with this name. WOODEN is over-used!

WILL BE over-used. I blame the HoloSoaps!

[timeagency]

Oh, he's not referring to Odin or Wotan or Woden. He's actually referring to wood. Reference the stick raids back on the outer planets.

[paragraphs]

Jack, you are so great at explaining things. You always make a lot of sense.

So maybe you can explain this. What ARE those Swedish girls holding? I'm at a serious loss here.

[ask_captainjack]

They look like foam victory fingers, P!

Swedes love to win. When they lose at shit I see their sad faces and offer to comfort them. I comfort them with my charming grin and great adventure tales. I tell them how I saw the Sign. It opened up my eyes, I saw the Sign.

[paragraphs]

Ahhhh I *suppose* those are victory fingers... Watch out though, I betcha they lose on purpose just so they can squeeze you. Think?

[ask_captainjack]

Oooh! TRICKSY SWEDES. That makes them even hotter now, knowing they might be trying to con me.