Where I Am

[asittler]

I've been moved out of Arthur's house for a full 18 days now, and I've been evaluating my future during most of those days. Well, at least the past 7, during which I've been sick with the creeping golly-who's-it. I've been contemplating where I'm going to be in 1 year from now, and truth be told, I don't like the prospect. I've got the electric bill coming up, and my phone bill, which have the potential to own my $300-dollar paycheck (I was sick and missed all but 10 hours of work last week) between the two of them. Aside from that, I need more food than I've been eating, and I've been really depressed lately. I've lowered my sights for where I want to be in a year TWICE in the past 2 weeks, mainly because I have to live on my own now. First, I targeted UNM rather than NMT, now I'm more realistically targetting TVI, the local community college, on a part-time basis. My life is really not going extraordinarily well right now. I can't see myself making much more than 35 hours a week at Target, and I'm really scared to consider leaving there, it being a steady job and all. They just really don't pay enough to live on. Most apartment complexes I was looking at want you to make 3 times monthly rent gross income. I *was* making that much when I was backroom. They lowered my pay $.75 an hour when I moved out to sales floor, and that was enough to drop me below 1200 gross a month. Fortunately, the apartment complex was kind enough to give me a bit of slack in that, and I got in. Unfortunately, I'm still quite poor. I'm scared to get another job and flat-out leave Target, and at the same time, I'm scared to get a second job and try to juggle 2 at a time. I'm not going to try to do anything for a while though, as my voice is shot, and my ears are still plugged from that 3AM close a couple saturdays ago. I really want to get a job that doesn't involve retail, but that's really all I'm qualified for right now

I need to sit down and sort out my life, figure out what I'm good for, and capitalize on it.