Urgency
Anytime in your life, things happen to you that are incredibly significant to you, and completely meaningless to others. Yesterday was one of those incredibly significant times to me. Call it a crappy memory, call it needless worry, call it whatever you will...but I'll stick to my story...
Wednesday night I prayed in bed (and writing this for some reason is reminding me of a dream I had a while ago..which doesn't make sense because it doesn't have anything to do with this...but whatever) and I was genuinely excited about God. I tried to sleep, but had some trouble and then i was ridiculously thirsty so i went up to get a drink and when i came back i was wide awake and so i decided to read the bible a little (i was nearing the end of Luke) so i figured I'd read a chapter and then sleep but for some reason i just kept on and read all the things about the hours leading to the betrayal, the betrayal itself, pilate, the beating, the crucifixion, and the ascension. "Wow," i thought. (this was wake up call number 1...subtle and unnoticed by me until Thursday) I set my alarms for 8, 8:15, and 8:30am to get up in time to read because I knew I have to leave by 10:30ish Thursday morning. Then i went to sleep.
Yesterday morning I woke up to my 8am alarm and, awakened from a dream, I figured I could get another hour of sleep, "...and then I'll read," i thought. Immediately after that, not even seconds after and as if by instinct, I remembered my English homework; "Crap! I didn't do my homework and I have class at 11!!" I leaped out of bed...frantic to find out what the assignment was...remembering the attendance policy was "nonnegotiable" (because I thought about just not going). So the assignment was to read three short stories and a chapter of the text, and write a one-page response to one of the readings, and to find an article I disagreed with. "Slow down," i thought, "two hours? As long as I get to it now, I'll get it done; but if I panic, it won't work." So I grabbed my book and got back under my warm covers (as my room is always freezing...I even wore a long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants to bed! still cold!) so i started reading, finished the first little story, and then started on the next, I decided though, looking at the clock that i better eat breakfast while i read since it was nearing an hour since I'd woken up (and one should eat breakfast within an hour of waking up). I took my book and my papers (thinking I'd start the response as soon as I read) and my bible caught my eye and I got an impulse to grab it, but I left it and walked downstairs. I set the book and papers in the computer room, "I'll get to the breakfast first," I thought. I started walking toward the kitchen and thought about the show..."No, is that tonight?" Then altogether it hit me; it was Thursday, not Friday....I didn't have English; I had work! And in a loud voice I said, "No!" like Sven did when we told him about the "little black book." Then a thought crossed my mind, "So quick to spring for what you have to read for school, but you'd sleep another hour before you read the Word." Ha, didn't have to tell me twice, I went upstairs and got my bible and studies and came back down for breakfast, all the while pondering these things. What a kick in the head. And yet, my sense of urgency was gone; I had no deadlines right then...or did I?
There's a wake up call! The way that I saw it was that God revealed to me my quickness with other things and my willingness to put Him off. I felt ashamed. I made breakfast and got on my knees and prayed...thanksgiving for this revelations and the food, contrition for my lack of urgency toward Him, and supplication for guidance and motivation and urgency for Him...praise was all mixed in.
When you know God, your whole world changes, and you can say that I was just looking for meaning in a random thing, but I know what happened. God shows things to you and little ways and in big ways. You have to open the eyes of your heart to see them.
Wednesday night I prayed in bed (and writing this for some reason is reminding me of a dream I had a while ago..which doesn't make sense because it doesn't have anything to do with this...but whatever) and I was genuinely excited about God. I tried to sleep, but had some trouble and then i was ridiculously thirsty so i went up to get a drink and when i came back i was wide awake and so i decided to read the bible a little (i was nearing the end of Luke) so i figured I'd read a chapter and then sleep but for some reason i just kept on and read all the things about the hours leading to the betrayal, the betrayal itself, pilate, the beating, the crucifixion, and the ascension. "Wow," i thought. (this was wake up call number 1...subtle and unnoticed by me until Thursday) I set my alarms for 8, 8:15, and 8:30am to get up in time to read because I knew I have to leave by 10:30ish Thursday morning. Then i went to sleep.
Yesterday morning I woke up to my 8am alarm and, awakened from a dream, I figured I could get another hour of sleep, "...and then I'll read," i thought. Immediately after that, not even seconds after and as if by instinct, I remembered my English homework; "Crap! I didn't do my homework and I have class at 11!!" I leaped out of bed...frantic to find out what the assignment was...remembering the attendance policy was "nonnegotiable" (because I thought about just not going). So the assignment was to read three short stories and a chapter of the text, and write a one-page response to one of the readings, and to find an article I disagreed with. "Slow down," i thought, "two hours? As long as I get to it now, I'll get it done; but if I panic, it won't work." So I grabbed my book and got back under my warm covers (as my room is always freezing...I even wore a long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants to bed! still cold!) so i started reading, finished the first little story, and then started on the next, I decided though, looking at the clock that i better eat breakfast while i read since it was nearing an hour since I'd woken up (and one should eat breakfast within an hour of waking up). I took my book and my papers (thinking I'd start the response as soon as I read) and my bible caught my eye and I got an impulse to grab it, but I left it and walked downstairs. I set the book and papers in the computer room, "I'll get to the breakfast first," I thought. I started walking toward the kitchen and thought about the show..."No, is that tonight?" Then altogether it hit me; it was Thursday, not Friday....I didn't have English; I had work! And in a loud voice I said, "No!" like Sven did when we told him about the "little black book." Then a thought crossed my mind, "So quick to spring for what you have to read for school, but you'd sleep another hour before you read the Word." Ha, didn't have to tell me twice, I went upstairs and got my bible and studies and came back down for breakfast, all the while pondering these things. What a kick in the head. And yet, my sense of urgency was gone; I had no deadlines right then...or did I?
There's a wake up call! The way that I saw it was that God revealed to me my quickness with other things and my willingness to put Him off. I felt ashamed. I made breakfast and got on my knees and prayed...thanksgiving for this revelations and the food, contrition for my lack of urgency toward Him, and supplication for guidance and motivation and urgency for Him...praise was all mixed in.
When you know God, your whole world changes, and you can say that I was just looking for meaning in a random thing, but I know what happened. God shows things to you and little ways and in big ways. You have to open the eyes of your heart to see them.