(no subject)
Wasn't I the fool to think I was through with you? Yet after all these years you still send your demons after me. I write this in anger for once, not in my usual self loathing. Fuck you. Fuck you. And fuck you especially. I'm tired of the memories of you ruining my life. I am sick of your voice, I am sick of your presence, I am sick of your control. Your voice sends these pangs.. these brutals pangs of anger down my body - which are hard to duplicate. The thought of you makes me hate myself. You are the essence of everything I don't want to be. Pathetic. Crawling. Oh God, How my hate clouds even what I write. It's surging. To only rid you, to throw you away, to tear every strand from your body over and over again would not even -begin!- to cover the pain you caused me. You liar. Liar. Liar.
I was a fool to trust you. A fool to believe. A fool to allow myself to fall in love with you.. and a fool to continue trying to have this morbid affair with you. How many prayers from countless lips have gone to rid you? How many days have I layed in wait for you to come and help me - and you never came, you loved to watch me suffer, you loved to watch my stomach convulse in hunger/fullness -- and you just left me there ( with the promise that you'd always be there. )
I can't believe I still search for you. ( I can't believe you even sent HIM after me. ) Oh.. you knew, you knew the moment I heard his voice I would regress.. regress to the three years ago where I held you, and kissed you, and needed you. Does it hurt you that I don't need you anymore ( butido ).
I write this in an anger that I cannot comprehend. Where every piece of me hurts.. and is pumped with blood.. and heat. Where I want to scream and cry and show you what you've done to me.
But.. you're not really real, are you?
I was a fool to trust you. A fool to believe. A fool to allow myself to fall in love with you.. and a fool to continue trying to have this morbid affair with you. How many prayers from countless lips have gone to rid you? How many days have I layed in wait for you to come and help me - and you never came, you loved to watch me suffer, you loved to watch my stomach convulse in hunger/fullness -- and you just left me there ( with the promise that you'd always be there. )
I can't believe I still search for you. ( I can't believe you even sent HIM after me. ) Oh.. you knew, you knew the moment I heard his voice I would regress.. regress to the three years ago where I held you, and kissed you, and needed you. Does it hurt you that I don't need you anymore ( butido ).
I write this in an anger that I cannot comprehend. Where every piece of me hurts.. and is pumped with blood.. and heat. Where I want to scream and cry and show you what you've done to me.
But.. you're not really real, are you?