just_muse_me | 26.2.4. Beggars can't be choosers
Co-written with kissmynuts | Backdated to 28th October 2009
Elliot didn't know much about Princeton, but driving into the town, it seemed nice enough. Maybe a bit on the posh side, with every second person looking like they were a student or a doctor. Or maybe student doctors. He wasn't here for the scenery, though. He had an address written messily on the inside of his forearm and at some point during the drive from New York, he got overenthusiastic singing along to a rock marathon on the radio and headbanging when he stopped at traffic lights. His arm got all sweaty and the ink had run. He couldn't tell whether it was a six or an eight. Sixty eight or eighty six or maybe eighty eight or sixty six. Didn't matter, though. He could be sweet when he needed to be and had a tendency of being able to charm himself out of any situation.
Well, most situations. He really was lucky to escape with his life after the run-in with his boss/landlord. Lucky to escape with his balls. Actually, it wasn't so much as a confrontation as a horrified silence followed by some extremely clever expletives and verbal abuse when the dude caught Elliot pounding his wife into the mattress of their marital apartment. Elliot never liked the mattress anyway, and he was glad the fling was over with. He would roll with it. He might not have a job or a place to live, but he had his balls and that's all that mattered. He now pulled up in front of house number 68, all his belongings squished to the brim of his old-style bright green VW beetle car. It spluttered a little and blew some smoke as he shut the engine off and stepped out onto the drive, brushing the Twinkie crumbs off his kilt as he looked up at the large house. He whistled, impressed, though he still wondered if he had the right place. He knew Tab lived with the Ri-ster and had done for awhile now. Also knew she was hitched, which was a damn shame. Still, did Riley earn enough to pay for a place like this? And that porch swing just looked awesome for shagging.
Elliot shrugged and walked up the drive to the front door, his work boots making heavy footfalls on the path. He bounded up the stairs and started pressing the buzzer in the tune of his favourite Jimi Hendrix song, automatically starting to sing along with the tune.
Tab had been upstairs, trying to find her favourite t-shirt in amongst the clean laundry pile on the floor of the bedroom she shared with Luke. She wasn't exactly the neatest person going, and never had been. Luke put up with it until he got sick of tripping over the clothing, and made her put it away. Then she rode him hard for ordering her around, and a good time was had by all. She was still enjoying most of the benefits of wedded bliss. In fact, she didn't exactly have many complaints.
Luke was now out having drinks with Leila, Riley was at work, and Evie was out shopping with her sister. Tab rarely had the place to herself, the music usually blaring when she did. Only she'd hit something on the stereo, and now it was maybe not working at all. She'd have to break the news to Luke later. Or just go buy a new stereo and hope he didn't notice. The sound of the bell ringing echoed through the house, and at first she was ready to ignore it.
Until she realised it was Hendrix.
Tab went sprinting out of the bedroom, nearly tripping down the stairs in her haste to get to the door. She still had on only a bra, and her jeans, and she didn't care. There was only one mad that pressed the buzzer to tune of Hendrix. She ripped the door open and squealed loudly as she launched herself at Elliot, the petite redhead wrapping arms and legs around him.
Elliot nearly flopped backwards from the force, but managed to grab himself before he did and prevent sending them both in a sprawling mess on the porch. He spun her around and planted a large, wet sloppy kiss on her cheek, then tried to extract himself from her vice-like grip. "Thank fuck you aren't a crazy cat lady with her boobs hanging out the bottom of her skirt. I thought I fucked up the address and are you serious that this is Ri's place? No fucking way, dude! It's a freaking palace! What did he do, join the Mafia? Am I gonna wake up with a horse's head in my bed?"
Tab laid a similar kiss on his cheek, giggling a little at the feel of the stubble. She'd almost forgotten what it felt like. Luke was usually pretty good at keeping himself clean-shaven. "That would require me having boobs in the first place. The bra's pretty much defunct, but I don't want to be arrested for indecent exposure if I lose my top somehow. And yeah, I'm serious! He's a doctor. And he also maybe got a settlement because of some shit, but it's his place. He bought it for him and Evie, and he's letting us stay. We'll probably get our own place, but right now I'm soaking up the twin time. He's going to be a dad!" Tab's feet her back on the ground, and she was grinning up at Elliot, reaching out to touch his face to make sure he was real. "Holy shit, EMO. I can't believe you're really here. Feels like a dream. Only last time I had this dream it was in a threesome with you, me, and smexy."
Elliot gave a snort of a laugh. "What the fuck is a smexy? Doesn't sound like anything I want my dick near. It might bite it off," he decided, still looking the house over keenly. "Weird as all fuck. Riley that had his nose superglued to a book all through school, but still managed to get easy fucks ends up here. Should have known he'd go and knock some chick up. He has, like, mutant radar cock. The chicks just flock to it like a magnet. So not NYC, though. How are you handling the culture shock? Does this place even have a fucking nightlife or does everyone go to bed with their hot milk and nightlights by eight pm?"
"My husband!" Tad said as she nudged Elliot in the arm. "And your dick is definitely not going anywhere near him. They were both near me," she revealed with a look of utter glee. It really had been a fantastic dream. She pulled him inside and shut the door behind them. "Want the grand tour? And he didn't... the knocking up was a lengthy process. Involved a lot of sperm washing. Riley's been able to afford the house because some fucker of a patient stabbed him with a needle, and he got infected with HIV. It was just after the stabbing that he met Evie. She stuck with him through it all, even after he got diagnosed. There's still a chance their babies might be infected. They won't know for sure until they're born." Tab's expression had sobered up while she'd tried to summarise everything that had happened to Riley. "Hey! Me and Luke opened a bar here. The London. We're making sure there's a fucking nightlife. Actually, the culture shock hasn't been so bad. I think it's probably because I'm more focused on just having time with my brother than anything. And the bar. We built it up from scratch, so a lot of work went into that. I miss the City, but she's not home anymore... Not like she used to be."
Elliot just followed. He was always one to just roll with shit, especially with Tab. He used to just go along with whatever she wanted, unphased. It was how they ended up in bed together one day, and it wasn't a single event, either. They got it on when they had the chance. He wasn't sure Riley ever knew, but the other twin never wanted to slice his balls off, so he either had no idea or he was okay with Elliot bonking his sister. Strange, though, because Riley usually got shitty with Tab's lays. Like Elliot, Riley rarely liked any guy she let bonk her. But he stopped walking, his mouth hanging open as he listened to Tab talk. "Fuck. Well, fucking fuck. That's just... fuck." It said about everything his mind could process. "Is he alright? Like, he's not sick, is he? See, I'm gonna get all the naive asshole shit out of the way now with you, so I don't piss him off. Is he even allowed to still be a doctor with that? Not that there is anything wrong with that. I'd rather have the Ri-ster my doc anyday than some fuckweed with cold hands and wandering finger up my asshole."
His eyebrows shot up. "The London? You fucking own a bar and you didn't tell me, you bitchface! I'm offended. I should divorce you as my friend. All these years and I get swept aside in favour of the husband with the weird nickname. I'm hurt." He pretended to wipe a fake tear from his eye, pressing his other hand to his mouth in a feigned upset.
Tab took his hand in hers, and led him through all the rooms. She was a pretty slack tour guide. Mostly because she figured the room's function spoke for itself. What else was a room with an oven, and a fridge besides a kitchen? She stopped though, and leaned against the counter as she folded her arms under her chest. She still hadn't really clicked to the fact she was standing talking to him in her bra. She and Elliot had shared a lot, and it wasn't like he hadn't seen it before. "I know, right? It was... insane. I could barely think straight most of the time it was happening. Arsehole gave him gastro to boot. Like HIV wasn't enough. He's fine. He has to stick to a strict thing of medication, and it's like he's pretty much him. Riley had no spleen because of the car accident so he was kind of fucked to begin with. He couldn't fight any infections like normal people. He's just HIV. He hasn't got full blown AIDS. That's different. And yeah, he is. It's his choice to tell people if he wants to. He just wears double the gloves, and has to be extra careful with his blood."
Tab smirked as she air-kissed in his direction. "I love you long time, E. And you were the one that went AWOL. I tried your cell, and it wasn't on, or some shit. You change your number and forget to tell me? Or you just get distracted by pussy?" She smiled as she slipped her arms around his waist in a less vice-like grip. "I'd kiss it better, but I don't think that's allowed anymore."
Elliot nodded, feeling stupid. "And he's got that spleen thing. I remember him telling me about that after the accident. Stupid bastard. I told him not to fucking get in that car, but he just laughed at me and flipped me off. Then I just remember him catching every weird fucking bug around school. Told him he should have been a fucking bubble boy. So, some dude just stabbed him? What the fuck? I thought being a doctor was suppose to be all cool and awesome paychecks. That's not a fucking paycheck I'd want in on. Give me a draught keg and sax any day. So, he's... wait, how did he knock his chick up? What the hell is sperm washing? Does he just jizz in the bath and they hose it off? What do you do when he bleeds, just back right off?"
"Yeah, it got cut off. Some fuck about not paying a bill, but I spent the cash on a new massage chair," he explained with a shrug. "I thought you have psychic powers anyway. Are you even allowed to touch me, all married and shit? You got marriage cooties. I don't want it to rub off on me. Unless it's someone else's wife. You went and all got a conscience on me, how am I supposed to take that?"
"Like I said," Tab murmured. It was hard not to still feel angry about the accident and her brother's lack of a spleen. What if he'd had his spleen? Would he have been okay? "Yeah, some addict. It was random, and yet it's had repercussions for months. For the rest of Riley's life." Tab smirked a little bit. No, he jizzes in a cup, then they run it through a machine to take away the semen part. Or whatever the white shit around the sperm is. Then they inject Evie and she becomes knocked up. He's having twins! I'll be double the aunty. Apparently the HIV is in the gooey bit, and not the actual sperm." She nodded, the smirk fading as quickly as it had appeared. "Yeah, I do. If I'm going to try and help him, I need to wear gloves. There was one night he'd accidentally cut himself and he was freaking out. Then I was freaking out because he was freaking out and covered in blood. Luke had to step in and help."
"A massage chair? Well, I suppose it's more fun than a phone. No radiation for sticking it up places for the vibrations." Tab glared at him. "You would fuck someone else's wife? What the fuck is wrong with you?! I didn't really intentionally set out to get the marriage cooties, they just happened. He plays sax like you. How could I not fall for him? Help yourself to the fridge, I'll be back in a sec." Tab disappeared into the adjoining laundry, and fished out one of Luke's t-shirts from their washing basket. It wasn't completely covered in BO. In fact, Luke smelt yummy even after he'd worked a sweat up in the bar. She yanked it on before going back out to talk to Elliot, figuring that he was right to some degree. If Luke walked in to find her talking to a guy he'd never met in just her bra she could only imagine his reaction. And a part of her was getting horny at the idea of protective Luke. "So what brings you to Princeton? You really miss me that much?"
Elliot merely shrugged, not ashamed in his actions at all beyond the minor irritation that it lost him his job and his apartment. "She had a good rack!" he insisted, unphased. "Just because you want to be all boring and monogamous, doesn't mean I have to fucking be! I ain't the sort to settled, and married chicks really know how to fuck." He paused, raising his eyebrows suggestively at her. "What do you say, missus? Fancy a bonk in your marital bed?" He was joking, of course. He wouldn't do that to Tab. He respected her far too much and they had practically known each other forever. Besides the fact, Riley wouldn't probably kill him in a bloody, grizzly mess if he even tried it on now that Tab was married. He put on his most sweet, innocent puppy dog look and rested his head on her shoulder. "Got a spare room, best buddy in the whole wide world?" He batted his eyelashes for emphasis.
"Pfft, that's not going to cut it with me, mister. You fuck another married woman while I'm around, and I'll be the one ripping your balls out from under your kilt." Her dream wasn't infidelity. She wouldn't have ever acted on it. Tab and Luke always talked about anything like that, anyway. Just the dream with Elliot was the first time it had been someone she'd known. "It's not about you being fucking boring and monogamous! It's about you keeping your dick out of married women! They can go fuck other guys." Tab rolled her eyes and bumped him with her shoulder. "Yeah, but not with you. I'll just make you a copy of the tape." Tab turned her head to try and look at him, her eyebrow raised. "Yeah, of course. You sure you want to stay around the marriage cooties, though?"
Elliot straightened up again and stretched, his back a little stiff from the drive from New York. He wondered how much it would cost to get a massage chair installed in his car. He might never have to leave it again, not even for a satisfying orgasm. "Hey, I like fucking married chicks! It's not like I have the ring on my finger, is it? I'm not doing anything wrong, they are. And clearly their other halves are too, or they wouldn't need me, would they? Since when did you get all prudish and high and mighty? Please tell me marriage hasn't made you a boring sap. I came here expecting fun and all you're missing in the Nana stakes is slippers, purple hair and false teeth!" he snorted and moved further into the room, taking in all the photos on the wall. "Holy fuck, is this a fucking commune you dudes have running in Princeton? Are these all long lost brothers and sisters? Ooo, she's hot! Is she married?" he asked, pointing to a picture of a girl with long brown hair laughing at a guy in a kilt who was holding a blond baby. "Kilt. Love the dude already."
"Fuck you, EMO," Tab snorted as she flipped him off. "I'm not a fucking Nana. I just never did married guys while I was single, and I still think it's fucked up. Why are they married if they need to cheat? Having said that, one of the most beautiful babies you would ever see is the product of an affair. And affair the other woman deeply regrets FYI. But maybe that's why the baby won't suck my face off..." Tab followed him and leaned against him as she looked past Elliot at the photo. "Yep, and she'd totally rip your fucking balls off for trying to sleep with her. So would the Evil Scotsman. That's Lachlan, Tara, and baby Campbell. Well, RJ. Lachlan's my new partner in crime." She blinked as something occurred to her. "Hey, you still play, right?"
"I'm gonna call you Nana from now on," Elliot decided, rubbing more salt in the wound with a devious smirk. His eyes ran along the photos with interests. "She's still hot. So, she's married to the Evil Scotsman. What the fuck he do to earn that title? Belt someone with his bagpipes? You've got a point, though. They look happy, and I love babies, so that gets extra points. I'm talking about the married chicks who aren't happy. The ones whose husbands are fucking around on them or too far up themselves to remember where her clit is. Why should they be miserable? What kid has been sucking your face off? So, there is infidelity in the Brady Bunch. The plot thickens. Who's the leggy blond and the dude in the suit? These look like they were taken at some party." He nodded, turning back to her. "Fuck yes. When I can. I'm between projects right now. Partner in crime doing what?"
"Hey, I'm still better looking than you even as a fucking Nana. I'm never going to get wrinkly, you just watch." Tab stuck out her tongue at him before breaking out into giggles and wrapping her arms around his middle. She couldn't believe Elliot was really here. She couldn't wait to introduce him to Luke. "I'm not debating Tara's hotness. She's gorgeous. Just trust me, he will kill you. He's deviant as all fuck. More deviant than me, and more deviant than Riley's naughty side. He might look all innocent, but he's not. He's also one of the wisest guys you'll ever meet. Hence him also being known as Yodalan. Well, I guess I can understand the whole if they're depressed thing. They could probably do with a decent shag if they're all married to wankers." Tab smirked. "That's Harri and Aiden. Aiden's gay and married to... there, Pat Preston," Tab said as she pointed at a picture of Lachlan, Riley, and a very pink Pat when he had been feeling better. "Harri's now eight months pregnant if you can believe it. Hey, you dig pregnant sex? I hear she's gagging for it since the Baby Daddy left her high and dry for his ex. Partner in crime forming a band, and making a record. You in?"
Elliot continued to smirk at her. "Whatever you say, Nana," he told her and patted her head. He wrapped his arm around her to hug her back. "Hey, no groping my gorgeous bare ass now, or I'll have to tell your husband. I know I'm irresistible and a hard act to follow but if he wants to do the ball and chain thing, I'll respect that." He spotted some photos of the twin wedding, raising his eyebrows with interest at the evidence that the Browne Twins were finally off the market. Tab had always been on the promiscuous side, even when they were all in school together. Riley always had the serious, studious persona but a reputation for being a hot lay in the sack. So many girls had wanted to bed him in high school, but he was oblivious. Then, when he fucked a cheerleader and Tab subsequently ended up belting her up for hurting her twin, everyone was scared to try anything on with Riley then. It wasn't long after that when he was in that terrible car crash, missing a lot of school anyway. After that, he mostly stuck with Tab and didn't invite a lot of interaction, and then they were all turfed out into the big wide world... Riley and Elliot heading to college, while Tab went off to be discovered in the rock world.
He ran his fingers over the photos. "Looks like a tight bunch, and a hot bunch. I can't believe Mrs Kilt is a baby momma. She doesn't look like she has an ounce of fat on her, but the bub definitely looks like his daddy. Her eyes and nose, though." He shrugged. "If she's hot, I'll fuck her. Might have to Google positions. Eight months, though. She's not gonna shoot the sprog out in the middle of a bonk, is she? That would fuck with my head forever. I might need to turn gay. I like pussy, but I gotta draw the line at watching a human being come out of one. Band, huh? What's he like? Or did you just latch on to him because he wears a kilt and reminds you of me?" he joked.
It was awfully tempting for Tab to slip her hand up Elliot's kilt just like old times, but she managed to resist. She only needed to grope one arse these days. Tab gazed at the Twin Wedding photo, her eyes fixed on her husband's face. And to think she'd nearly lost him. Tab's expression saddened slightly at the thought. She had her brother to thank for knocking some sense into Luke. It was her fault, though. She'd pushed him to get married when Riley did... Luke hadn't said, or done anything lately to make her think he regretted it, though. "It didn't even click that you were both sax players until now... I think maybe I do have a type after all."
"Yeah, they're definitely both. It's like having a huge family on call twenty-four-seven. Me and Riley haven't ever had anything like this. It's amazing how they're all just there for you too when times are hard. Tab smirked a little. "I can't believe you're having a go at me for being married, and you're the one lusting after the wives and the baby mums. You can Google Harri, too. She's the owner of Razor. I don't think she would... I think that would turn me off, too. Evie's as big as a house and she's not eight months yet. She still kinda looks like she'd pop at any time. Hey, are you doing anything on Halloween? I could score you an invite to Ali and Andy's wedding. Andy's Luke's cousin. You'd get to meet everyone." Tab grinned. "We won a Karaoke comp together. He was supposed to have been signed to a record contract years ago, but didn't. He's amazing, E. Seriously. There's no instrument he can't play like a pro, and his voice is awesome. He gives me a run for my money."
Elliot quirked and eyebrow and looked down at her. "Your dude is a sax player? Interesting. So, why are you recruiting me and not him? What about the Scot, is he going to out-sax me too. I think I suddenly feel inadequate. Who else is in the band?" he asked. "What are you planning on doing? Wait, if he's uber talented, why isn't he famous? Baby Momma got him by the short and curlies? What about you? You quit the chance to tour, didn't you? Why was that?"
"I was going to go out and scare little kids by giving them cows eyeballs in their trick or treat sacks, but I guess I can change my plans if it's really important," he said with a feigned dramatic sigh. "Why are Andy and Mandy getting hitched on Halloween? Are they goths or something? You know what, they look like an awesome bunch, but I'm starting to wonder. How many of them have shady pasts?"
Tab nodded. "First time I met him he was busking on a street corner. He was... charming. And sexy, and everything a girl wanted. Only it wasn't long after, um, you know... The other dude left." Tab's nose crinkled. Some days it felt like that part of her history had never existed. Others it just felt like a knife was twisting in her gut. How she'd not gone completely crazy during that time she would never know. Elliot had been... well, if she were honest he had been far more stable, and a part of her wondered why they'd never tried it on in a more serious context. Then she remembered they'd both been huge sluts, neither ready to stop what they were doing. Tab had wanted to stop when she'd met Luke. Elliot clearly still wasn't ready. "Ah, there's Kei, he's the bassist..." Tab said as she pointed at a photo of Kei with Beth, then her finger moved to one with Riley, Evie, Josh, and Emma, "then there's Josh the drummer. Knew Riley in his Edinburgh days, and grew up with Lachlan. He's also a massive deviant, and apparently hasn't fucked his girlfriend yet. He was a massive slut like us, but Emma did get him by the short and curlies, and wanted him to prove he could be faithful or something. I'm amazed he hasn't exploded from lack of sex. Then there's me, and Lachlan. Luke didn't want in on the band because he's busy running our two bars. We play a few gigs between here and New York. We want to do an album. Me and Lachlan both have some songs to work on. He's got a record deal, but the deal was that his son would always come first. I told you, he didn't want fame. He became a doctor, still is one. His life kinda shot to shit - pardon the pun - when he got, ah... shot. He was saving Tara's life. Me? Because I didn't want to be away from Riley, or Luke. I just needed to stop for a little while. I was three years without Riley... I can't do it again. And things with Luke had still been kinda new. I was the one that proposed to him."
Tab laughed as she nudged him. "All of them. Trust me. The more you get to know them, the more you realise how fucking amazing they are for still being able to smile. Well, some of them. Josh is Josh. I don't think he could have shady past if he tried."
Elliot merely raised his eyebrows at the comment about 'the other dude', but didn't comment. He really didn't have much to say about 'the other dude' at all. He knew Riley would concur with him on that front. Brothers in arms and all that bollocks. He knew it was an issue when Riley got sick and if Elliot was honest, he felt if there was ever a time Tab needed to be with her twin, to the fuck of anyone else, it was when he was sick. It was only now that Elliot was actually hearing the enormity of how sick Riley was, so his opinion increased ten-fold. He had known at the time when Tab was still living in New York that Riley was ill and she had gone to him, but there had been a couple of phone calls with Elliot thrown in there where Tab had been really worried about her brother. The only thing that had kept him coming to her aid like Superman (only hotter) was 'the other dude'. "Hasn't fucked her? How long has she been keeping his dangler dangling? Because, dude, I want to say that's wrong but can't really judge either way if there are other factors involved. Probably why I'm not into the commitment thing. I like my short and curlies where they are. And everything surrounding them. Shot? Like with a gun shot? Seriously?" He looked at the photo again, trying to figure out if the guy looked familiar. He did, sort of, but Elliot was more a names person than faces. Always had been. He looked at her curiously. "How do you feel transitioning from solo artist to part of a duet? I know it's not everyone's cup of tea to share the limelight, but I have to admit, you look hot together. In a rock starry, non-romatic way."
He snorted a little in annoyance. "See, you can't wave a carrot in front of my face like that and not give me details. Now I'm just going to start trying to figure out which one is a cross-dresser and which one gets hot for kitchen utensils or fruit. Maybe throw in a murderer or car thief. I say Baby Momma is the car thief. Chuck the baby capsule in the back, and she'll be off like the wind. You gotta convince me Princeton ain't Jersey's answer to The Bronx. All the manicured lawns and garden gnomes are just a facade for the crack whores, aren't they?"
"You ask a lot more questions than I remember, E," Tab laughed as she squeezed him affectionately. It really was like Christmas having him back, and here in Princeton with her. All her favourite guys under one roof. She definitely couldn't ask for more than that. "It's been a few months for sure. I can't remember how many... He seems pretty determined to make a go of it. I think he's close to coming in his pants some days when he has to put up with her sitting in his lap in tight jeans." Tab nodded. It had been pretty serious. She hadn't been here, but she knew it was enough to affect Riley in Scotland. In fact, it had pretty much been the beginning of the end for him and Beth. Not that she was complaining. Tab was happy Riley had found his match in Evie, and Keiran had always seemed happy with Beth. Especially since she seemed to be ready to be a mother to Callum, his son. Tab broke out into a grin. "Fucking awesome! I wouldn't back out of this one bit. Me and Lachlan rock it, and with the band backing us we're even better. Just, you know, we could use your talents. If you're willing. I've got some demo tapes around the place, and Luke's recorded a couple shows."
"Oh, I'm the murderer, can't you tell? Well, Harri's ex was originally married to his FBI partner, or something. But then he was supposed to have died in Australia. But then he came back! He's best friends with Andy's wife-to-be. Luke's cousin, Andy," Tab clarified as she pointed to a picture of the paramedic with Ali nursing Jamie. "And his other cousin, Leila, she just married this dude after three weeks because he's military and got shipped out to Afghanistan."
Elliot was smirking at her again as his eyes turned from the photos to her face. "Does your husband know about me?" he couldn't help but asking. He really wouldn't blame her for not thinking to mention him. It wasn't like they lost contact, just more that months passed without them realising, but they always found their way back to each other. In the past, they found their way back and had a reunion bonk. Obviously that wasn't going to happen this time. He wasn't sure if the other dude would appreciate his wife's ex-lay and fellow sax player rocking up on his territory and believing it was innocent. In fact, Elliot was starting to think that staying with Tab might be kinda awkward now. Still, the thought of playing in another band again, and with Tab again, was really appealling. He had to admit, the two singers looked great together and he was intrigued about the Scot's supposed endless talents. And it would be way cool to hang out with someone who survived getting shot. He couldn't help but wonder how cool the scars looked.
"FBI? Fuck. I think I'm going to use an alias. I don't want my past catching up with me. Doctors, military, FBI, paramedics, rock stars. What else do all these people do for a living? I'm starting to feel awfully inadequate," he admitted, pulling a face.
Tab bit her lip, a clear look of guilt crossing her features as she glanced away at Luke's photo like he was going to wind up giving her The Look through that. She looked back up at Elliot, her red fringe covering her eyes. "Erm... maybe not so much. Just for so long you were just mine, you know? It was... I didn't want him to think... I don't really know what I wanted him to think. When I met him I kinda maybe made a couple mistakes comparing him to the other dude. Not on purpose! Just that I was used to how he treated me, and I kept waiting for Luke to do the same, but he didn't. And he could deal with Benny, you know? In fact Benny introduced us. Benny wasn't a threat. I wasn't sure if he'd see you as a threat. I've never exactly had to deal with any of his exes. He's had to deal with the ghost of one of mine, and a sort-of flesh one now in you. Not that we were ever together! But you know what I mean... don't you?" Tab clung to him a little harder like she could already sense his hesitation. "Don't go! Please. We've already established there's going to be no fucking, right? There's nothing to feel guilty about, or worried about. Besides, you'll get more than your fair share of Princeton pussy, and Luke won't give it a thought."
Tab patted his stomach. "It's alright, baby. You're more than enough man. You don't need to be fancy to be awesome. And I don't think even changing your name will help with the past thing. Remember that year you decided to go by Max Power just like Homer Simpson did?"
Elliot puffed his cheeks out as he looked down at her and let the breath out in a rush, his lips blowing a small rapsberry in the process. "I dunno, Bat. It all seems too complicated for me. I don't wanna wonder if I'm going to wake up alive in the mornings. And you seriously live here with a pregnant chick? Isn't that like walking on egghshells? I don't want to get in the way. What makes you so confident there is even available Princeton pussy? Sounds to me like everyone is knocked up, married, gay, or baby mommas." He looked back at the photos, wondering if he even had the stamina to remember who they all were. Not to mention how hot they all were, even the dudes he could appreciate and he was as straight as Bill Clinton's cigar.
The thing was, and although it didn't look like it on the face of it, Elliot was actually highly educated. He was close to the top of his class in high school and then decided college had to be a good choice for the parties and the babes. It just happened that he never had to try hard to be a good student. He graduated with Honours with a degree in Physiotherapy. He had just never planned to use it once he was done. By the time he finished, he was wishing he chose something more obcsure like Zoology instead, but figured college was an experience said and done for him. He wasn't going to do it over. He did it to say he could, not because he actually yearned to be a Physiotherapist. For Elliot, life was about experiencing things, not about how healthy your bank account was. "Are fivesomes an FBI crime, or is that only when children are present?" he asked, tilting his head in thought. "And that got me free drinks, so it was so worth it. When I tried Luke Skywalker, all it got me was bad Darth Vadar impressions. Did you know there are some really shit Vadar impersonators out there? There is so much more to it than heavy breathing."
Tab smiled a little at the familiar nickname, not having heard it in ages. She really had missed Elliot. She frowned a little a moment later and shook her head emphatically. "No, no, please stay. Luke will be okay with it, I swear. Where else are you going to crash? And we have some serious catching up to do, plus Beanpole will love seeing you, and he might need the extra male reinforcements. I'm telling you, Evie's carrying twins! That's like scarier amounts of hormones. You don't have to walk around eggshells, just carry chocolate in your pocket to give to her. You won't be in the way. Look at the size of this house, E!" Tab's frown faded a little. "Because I'm fucking awesome at setups, so you just sit back and watch me find the pussy. There are plenty of single ladies."
"Nope, definitely only when children and animals are present. You're safe as far as sexual escapades go." Tab made a face. "Blech, I can imagine. Oh, hey! I'm dressing up as Leia for Ali's reception. I've got it all figured, and I'm going to look fucking hot."
"I dunno, a brothel? Could maybe head back to the city. I didn't really give much though to the fact you're hitched now. Sounds like it's a well-full house. They aren't all gonna wanna a complete strange bastard hanging around. What if they want to walk around naked? Or sing bad Britney songs in private? Plus, the whole scary pregnant chick? You ain't making it sound so appealing, you know. At least in a hotel, I get a mint on my pillow. Here, I might get one shoved up my ass. And what if I don't want to share my chocolate? I didn't know her up so she's not my obligation, no offense. When I knock a chick up, I'll carry chocolate on me. My sperm is too awesome for pregnancy, though. It'll need a ritual with a green goat sacrificed on New Year's Eve for me to succeed in Oh Holy Conception. And a virgin chick in a blue toga on a horse in a manger," Elliot decided with a nod, clearly having giving it a lot of thought. "Awesome at set ups? Fuck off! The last chick you set me up with wanted to fuck me on a bouncy castle with Barbie dolls as an audience."
He snorted. "Leia? You should just go as your ego. It's big enough, would probably out-do the bride, though."
"You can't go back to New York! Elliot, you just got here. We just got back to each other. If you go back, who's to say we don't see each other again for another few months? Just hang around, even for a couple days before you decide to go back. Please?" She reached out to take his hand. "I'll get on my knees and beg if you really want." She tilted her head. "Fuck, I don't remember her at all. Clearly my game was off then."
Tab flipped him off. "Love you too, EMO."
Elliot tilted his head in consideration, still not entirely convinced he was going to fit in here. "Find me a hot chick to shag, and I'll consider it," he bargained.
Words: 6888 | All muses referred to with permission and from the princeton2nyc verse
Elliot didn't know much about Princeton, but driving into the town, it seemed nice enough. Maybe a bit on the posh side, with every second person looking like they were a student or a doctor. Or maybe student doctors. He wasn't here for the scenery, though. He had an address written messily on the inside of his forearm and at some point during the drive from New York, he got overenthusiastic singing along to a rock marathon on the radio and headbanging when he stopped at traffic lights. His arm got all sweaty and the ink had run. He couldn't tell whether it was a six or an eight. Sixty eight or eighty six or maybe eighty eight or sixty six. Didn't matter, though. He could be sweet when he needed to be and had a tendency of being able to charm himself out of any situation.
Well, most situations. He really was lucky to escape with his life after the run-in with his boss/landlord. Lucky to escape with his balls. Actually, it wasn't so much as a confrontation as a horrified silence followed by some extremely clever expletives and verbal abuse when the dude caught Elliot pounding his wife into the mattress of their marital apartment. Elliot never liked the mattress anyway, and he was glad the fling was over with. He would roll with it. He might not have a job or a place to live, but he had his balls and that's all that mattered. He now pulled up in front of house number 68, all his belongings squished to the brim of his old-style bright green VW beetle car. It spluttered a little and blew some smoke as he shut the engine off and stepped out onto the drive, brushing the Twinkie crumbs off his kilt as he looked up at the large house. He whistled, impressed, though he still wondered if he had the right place. He knew Tab lived with the Ri-ster and had done for awhile now. Also knew she was hitched, which was a damn shame. Still, did Riley earn enough to pay for a place like this? And that porch swing just looked awesome for shagging.
Elliot shrugged and walked up the drive to the front door, his work boots making heavy footfalls on the path. He bounded up the stairs and started pressing the buzzer in the tune of his favourite Jimi Hendrix song, automatically starting to sing along with the tune.
Tab had been upstairs, trying to find her favourite t-shirt in amongst the clean laundry pile on the floor of the bedroom she shared with Luke. She wasn't exactly the neatest person going, and never had been. Luke put up with it until he got sick of tripping over the clothing, and made her put it away. Then she rode him hard for ordering her around, and a good time was had by all. She was still enjoying most of the benefits of wedded bliss. In fact, she didn't exactly have many complaints.
Luke was now out having drinks with Leila, Riley was at work, and Evie was out shopping with her sister. Tab rarely had the place to herself, the music usually blaring when she did. Only she'd hit something on the stereo, and now it was maybe not working at all. She'd have to break the news to Luke later. Or just go buy a new stereo and hope he didn't notice. The sound of the bell ringing echoed through the house, and at first she was ready to ignore it.
Until she realised it was Hendrix.
Tab went sprinting out of the bedroom, nearly tripping down the stairs in her haste to get to the door. She still had on only a bra, and her jeans, and she didn't care. There was only one mad that pressed the buzzer to tune of Hendrix. She ripped the door open and squealed loudly as she launched herself at Elliot, the petite redhead wrapping arms and legs around him.
Elliot nearly flopped backwards from the force, but managed to grab himself before he did and prevent sending them both in a sprawling mess on the porch. He spun her around and planted a large, wet sloppy kiss on her cheek, then tried to extract himself from her vice-like grip. "Thank fuck you aren't a crazy cat lady with her boobs hanging out the bottom of her skirt. I thought I fucked up the address and are you serious that this is Ri's place? No fucking way, dude! It's a freaking palace! What did he do, join the Mafia? Am I gonna wake up with a horse's head in my bed?"
Tab laid a similar kiss on his cheek, giggling a little at the feel of the stubble. She'd almost forgotten what it felt like. Luke was usually pretty good at keeping himself clean-shaven. "That would require me having boobs in the first place. The bra's pretty much defunct, but I don't want to be arrested for indecent exposure if I lose my top somehow. And yeah, I'm serious! He's a doctor. And he also maybe got a settlement because of some shit, but it's his place. He bought it for him and Evie, and he's letting us stay. We'll probably get our own place, but right now I'm soaking up the twin time. He's going to be a dad!" Tab's feet her back on the ground, and she was grinning up at Elliot, reaching out to touch his face to make sure he was real. "Holy shit, EMO. I can't believe you're really here. Feels like a dream. Only last time I had this dream it was in a threesome with you, me, and smexy."
Elliot gave a snort of a laugh. "What the fuck is a smexy? Doesn't sound like anything I want my dick near. It might bite it off," he decided, still looking the house over keenly. "Weird as all fuck. Riley that had his nose superglued to a book all through school, but still managed to get easy fucks ends up here. Should have known he'd go and knock some chick up. He has, like, mutant radar cock. The chicks just flock to it like a magnet. So not NYC, though. How are you handling the culture shock? Does this place even have a fucking nightlife or does everyone go to bed with their hot milk and nightlights by eight pm?"
"My husband!" Tad said as she nudged Elliot in the arm. "And your dick is definitely not going anywhere near him. They were both near me," she revealed with a look of utter glee. It really had been a fantastic dream. She pulled him inside and shut the door behind them. "Want the grand tour? And he didn't... the knocking up was a lengthy process. Involved a lot of sperm washing. Riley's been able to afford the house because some fucker of a patient stabbed him with a needle, and he got infected with HIV. It was just after the stabbing that he met Evie. She stuck with him through it all, even after he got diagnosed. There's still a chance their babies might be infected. They won't know for sure until they're born." Tab's expression had sobered up while she'd tried to summarise everything that had happened to Riley. "Hey! Me and Luke opened a bar here. The London. We're making sure there's a fucking nightlife. Actually, the culture shock hasn't been so bad. I think it's probably because I'm more focused on just having time with my brother than anything. And the bar. We built it up from scratch, so a lot of work went into that. I miss the City, but she's not home anymore... Not like she used to be."
Elliot just followed. He was always one to just roll with shit, especially with Tab. He used to just go along with whatever she wanted, unphased. It was how they ended up in bed together one day, and it wasn't a single event, either. They got it on when they had the chance. He wasn't sure Riley ever knew, but the other twin never wanted to slice his balls off, so he either had no idea or he was okay with Elliot bonking his sister. Strange, though, because Riley usually got shitty with Tab's lays. Like Elliot, Riley rarely liked any guy she let bonk her. But he stopped walking, his mouth hanging open as he listened to Tab talk. "Fuck. Well, fucking fuck. That's just... fuck." It said about everything his mind could process. "Is he alright? Like, he's not sick, is he? See, I'm gonna get all the naive asshole shit out of the way now with you, so I don't piss him off. Is he even allowed to still be a doctor with that? Not that there is anything wrong with that. I'd rather have the Ri-ster my doc anyday than some fuckweed with cold hands and wandering finger up my asshole."
His eyebrows shot up. "The London? You fucking own a bar and you didn't tell me, you bitchface! I'm offended. I should divorce you as my friend. All these years and I get swept aside in favour of the husband with the weird nickname. I'm hurt." He pretended to wipe a fake tear from his eye, pressing his other hand to his mouth in a feigned upset.
Tab took his hand in hers, and led him through all the rooms. She was a pretty slack tour guide. Mostly because she figured the room's function spoke for itself. What else was a room with an oven, and a fridge besides a kitchen? She stopped though, and leaned against the counter as she folded her arms under her chest. She still hadn't really clicked to the fact she was standing talking to him in her bra. She and Elliot had shared a lot, and it wasn't like he hadn't seen it before. "I know, right? It was... insane. I could barely think straight most of the time it was happening. Arsehole gave him gastro to boot. Like HIV wasn't enough. He's fine. He has to stick to a strict thing of medication, and it's like he's pretty much him. Riley had no spleen because of the car accident so he was kind of fucked to begin with. He couldn't fight any infections like normal people. He's just HIV. He hasn't got full blown AIDS. That's different. And yeah, he is. It's his choice to tell people if he wants to. He just wears double the gloves, and has to be extra careful with his blood."
Tab smirked as she air-kissed in his direction. "I love you long time, E. And you were the one that went AWOL. I tried your cell, and it wasn't on, or some shit. You change your number and forget to tell me? Or you just get distracted by pussy?" She smiled as she slipped her arms around his waist in a less vice-like grip. "I'd kiss it better, but I don't think that's allowed anymore."
Elliot nodded, feeling stupid. "And he's got that spleen thing. I remember him telling me about that after the accident. Stupid bastard. I told him not to fucking get in that car, but he just laughed at me and flipped me off. Then I just remember him catching every weird fucking bug around school. Told him he should have been a fucking bubble boy. So, some dude just stabbed him? What the fuck? I thought being a doctor was suppose to be all cool and awesome paychecks. That's not a fucking paycheck I'd want in on. Give me a draught keg and sax any day. So, he's... wait, how did he knock his chick up? What the hell is sperm washing? Does he just jizz in the bath and they hose it off? What do you do when he bleeds, just back right off?"
"Yeah, it got cut off. Some fuck about not paying a bill, but I spent the cash on a new massage chair," he explained with a shrug. "I thought you have psychic powers anyway. Are you even allowed to touch me, all married and shit? You got marriage cooties. I don't want it to rub off on me. Unless it's someone else's wife. You went and all got a conscience on me, how am I supposed to take that?"
"Like I said," Tab murmured. It was hard not to still feel angry about the accident and her brother's lack of a spleen. What if he'd had his spleen? Would he have been okay? "Yeah, some addict. It was random, and yet it's had repercussions for months. For the rest of Riley's life." Tab smirked a little bit. No, he jizzes in a cup, then they run it through a machine to take away the semen part. Or whatever the white shit around the sperm is. Then they inject Evie and she becomes knocked up. He's having twins! I'll be double the aunty. Apparently the HIV is in the gooey bit, and not the actual sperm." She nodded, the smirk fading as quickly as it had appeared. "Yeah, I do. If I'm going to try and help him, I need to wear gloves. There was one night he'd accidentally cut himself and he was freaking out. Then I was freaking out because he was freaking out and covered in blood. Luke had to step in and help."
"A massage chair? Well, I suppose it's more fun than a phone. No radiation for sticking it up places for the vibrations." Tab glared at him. "You would fuck someone else's wife? What the fuck is wrong with you?! I didn't really intentionally set out to get the marriage cooties, they just happened. He plays sax like you. How could I not fall for him? Help yourself to the fridge, I'll be back in a sec." Tab disappeared into the adjoining laundry, and fished out one of Luke's t-shirts from their washing basket. It wasn't completely covered in BO. In fact, Luke smelt yummy even after he'd worked a sweat up in the bar. She yanked it on before going back out to talk to Elliot, figuring that he was right to some degree. If Luke walked in to find her talking to a guy he'd never met in just her bra she could only imagine his reaction. And a part of her was getting horny at the idea of protective Luke. "So what brings you to Princeton? You really miss me that much?"
Elliot merely shrugged, not ashamed in his actions at all beyond the minor irritation that it lost him his job and his apartment. "She had a good rack!" he insisted, unphased. "Just because you want to be all boring and monogamous, doesn't mean I have to fucking be! I ain't the sort to settled, and married chicks really know how to fuck." He paused, raising his eyebrows suggestively at her. "What do you say, missus? Fancy a bonk in your marital bed?" He was joking, of course. He wouldn't do that to Tab. He respected her far too much and they had practically known each other forever. Besides the fact, Riley wouldn't probably kill him in a bloody, grizzly mess if he even tried it on now that Tab was married. He put on his most sweet, innocent puppy dog look and rested his head on her shoulder. "Got a spare room, best buddy in the whole wide world?" He batted his eyelashes for emphasis.
"Pfft, that's not going to cut it with me, mister. You fuck another married woman while I'm around, and I'll be the one ripping your balls out from under your kilt." Her dream wasn't infidelity. She wouldn't have ever acted on it. Tab and Luke always talked about anything like that, anyway. Just the dream with Elliot was the first time it had been someone she'd known. "It's not about you being fucking boring and monogamous! It's about you keeping your dick out of married women! They can go fuck other guys." Tab rolled her eyes and bumped him with her shoulder. "Yeah, but not with you. I'll just make you a copy of the tape." Tab turned her head to try and look at him, her eyebrow raised. "Yeah, of course. You sure you want to stay around the marriage cooties, though?"
Elliot straightened up again and stretched, his back a little stiff from the drive from New York. He wondered how much it would cost to get a massage chair installed in his car. He might never have to leave it again, not even for a satisfying orgasm. "Hey, I like fucking married chicks! It's not like I have the ring on my finger, is it? I'm not doing anything wrong, they are. And clearly their other halves are too, or they wouldn't need me, would they? Since when did you get all prudish and high and mighty? Please tell me marriage hasn't made you a boring sap. I came here expecting fun and all you're missing in the Nana stakes is slippers, purple hair and false teeth!" he snorted and moved further into the room, taking in all the photos on the wall. "Holy fuck, is this a fucking commune you dudes have running in Princeton? Are these all long lost brothers and sisters? Ooo, she's hot! Is she married?" he asked, pointing to a picture of a girl with long brown hair laughing at a guy in a kilt who was holding a blond baby. "Kilt. Love the dude already."
"Fuck you, EMO," Tab snorted as she flipped him off. "I'm not a fucking Nana. I just never did married guys while I was single, and I still think it's fucked up. Why are they married if they need to cheat? Having said that, one of the most beautiful babies you would ever see is the product of an affair. And affair the other woman deeply regrets FYI. But maybe that's why the baby won't suck my face off..." Tab followed him and leaned against him as she looked past Elliot at the photo. "Yep, and she'd totally rip your fucking balls off for trying to sleep with her. So would the Evil Scotsman. That's Lachlan, Tara, and baby Campbell. Well, RJ. Lachlan's my new partner in crime." She blinked as something occurred to her. "Hey, you still play, right?"
"I'm gonna call you Nana from now on," Elliot decided, rubbing more salt in the wound with a devious smirk. His eyes ran along the photos with interests. "She's still hot. So, she's married to the Evil Scotsman. What the fuck he do to earn that title? Belt someone with his bagpipes? You've got a point, though. They look happy, and I love babies, so that gets extra points. I'm talking about the married chicks who aren't happy. The ones whose husbands are fucking around on them or too far up themselves to remember where her clit is. Why should they be miserable? What kid has been sucking your face off? So, there is infidelity in the Brady Bunch. The plot thickens. Who's the leggy blond and the dude in the suit? These look like they were taken at some party." He nodded, turning back to her. "Fuck yes. When I can. I'm between projects right now. Partner in crime doing what?"
"Hey, I'm still better looking than you even as a fucking Nana. I'm never going to get wrinkly, you just watch." Tab stuck out her tongue at him before breaking out into giggles and wrapping her arms around his middle. She couldn't believe Elliot was really here. She couldn't wait to introduce him to Luke. "I'm not debating Tara's hotness. She's gorgeous. Just trust me, he will kill you. He's deviant as all fuck. More deviant than me, and more deviant than Riley's naughty side. He might look all innocent, but he's not. He's also one of the wisest guys you'll ever meet. Hence him also being known as Yodalan. Well, I guess I can understand the whole if they're depressed thing. They could probably do with a decent shag if they're all married to wankers." Tab smirked. "That's Harri and Aiden. Aiden's gay and married to... there, Pat Preston," Tab said as she pointed at a picture of Lachlan, Riley, and a very pink Pat when he had been feeling better. "Harri's now eight months pregnant if you can believe it. Hey, you dig pregnant sex? I hear she's gagging for it since the Baby Daddy left her high and dry for his ex. Partner in crime forming a band, and making a record. You in?"
Elliot continued to smirk at her. "Whatever you say, Nana," he told her and patted her head. He wrapped his arm around her to hug her back. "Hey, no groping my gorgeous bare ass now, or I'll have to tell your husband. I know I'm irresistible and a hard act to follow but if he wants to do the ball and chain thing, I'll respect that." He spotted some photos of the twin wedding, raising his eyebrows with interest at the evidence that the Browne Twins were finally off the market. Tab had always been on the promiscuous side, even when they were all in school together. Riley always had the serious, studious persona but a reputation for being a hot lay in the sack. So many girls had wanted to bed him in high school, but he was oblivious. Then, when he fucked a cheerleader and Tab subsequently ended up belting her up for hurting her twin, everyone was scared to try anything on with Riley then. It wasn't long after that when he was in that terrible car crash, missing a lot of school anyway. After that, he mostly stuck with Tab and didn't invite a lot of interaction, and then they were all turfed out into the big wide world... Riley and Elliot heading to college, while Tab went off to be discovered in the rock world.
He ran his fingers over the photos. "Looks like a tight bunch, and a hot bunch. I can't believe Mrs Kilt is a baby momma. She doesn't look like she has an ounce of fat on her, but the bub definitely looks like his daddy. Her eyes and nose, though." He shrugged. "If she's hot, I'll fuck her. Might have to Google positions. Eight months, though. She's not gonna shoot the sprog out in the middle of a bonk, is she? That would fuck with my head forever. I might need to turn gay. I like pussy, but I gotta draw the line at watching a human being come out of one. Band, huh? What's he like? Or did you just latch on to him because he wears a kilt and reminds you of me?" he joked.
It was awfully tempting for Tab to slip her hand up Elliot's kilt just like old times, but she managed to resist. She only needed to grope one arse these days. Tab gazed at the Twin Wedding photo, her eyes fixed on her husband's face. And to think she'd nearly lost him. Tab's expression saddened slightly at the thought. She had her brother to thank for knocking some sense into Luke. It was her fault, though. She'd pushed him to get married when Riley did... Luke hadn't said, or done anything lately to make her think he regretted it, though. "It didn't even click that you were both sax players until now... I think maybe I do have a type after all."
"Yeah, they're definitely both. It's like having a huge family on call twenty-four-seven. Me and Riley haven't ever had anything like this. It's amazing how they're all just there for you too when times are hard. Tab smirked a little. "I can't believe you're having a go at me for being married, and you're the one lusting after the wives and the baby mums. You can Google Harri, too. She's the owner of Razor. I don't think she would... I think that would turn me off, too. Evie's as big as a house and she's not eight months yet. She still kinda looks like she'd pop at any time. Hey, are you doing anything on Halloween? I could score you an invite to Ali and Andy's wedding. Andy's Luke's cousin. You'd get to meet everyone." Tab grinned. "We won a Karaoke comp together. He was supposed to have been signed to a record contract years ago, but didn't. He's amazing, E. Seriously. There's no instrument he can't play like a pro, and his voice is awesome. He gives me a run for my money."
Elliot quirked and eyebrow and looked down at her. "Your dude is a sax player? Interesting. So, why are you recruiting me and not him? What about the Scot, is he going to out-sax me too. I think I suddenly feel inadequate. Who else is in the band?" he asked. "What are you planning on doing? Wait, if he's uber talented, why isn't he famous? Baby Momma got him by the short and curlies? What about you? You quit the chance to tour, didn't you? Why was that?"
"I was going to go out and scare little kids by giving them cows eyeballs in their trick or treat sacks, but I guess I can change my plans if it's really important," he said with a feigned dramatic sigh. "Why are Andy and Mandy getting hitched on Halloween? Are they goths or something? You know what, they look like an awesome bunch, but I'm starting to wonder. How many of them have shady pasts?"
Tab nodded. "First time I met him he was busking on a street corner. He was... charming. And sexy, and everything a girl wanted. Only it wasn't long after, um, you know... The other dude left." Tab's nose crinkled. Some days it felt like that part of her history had never existed. Others it just felt like a knife was twisting in her gut. How she'd not gone completely crazy during that time she would never know. Elliot had been... well, if she were honest he had been far more stable, and a part of her wondered why they'd never tried it on in a more serious context. Then she remembered they'd both been huge sluts, neither ready to stop what they were doing. Tab had wanted to stop when she'd met Luke. Elliot clearly still wasn't ready. "Ah, there's Kei, he's the bassist..." Tab said as she pointed at a photo of Kei with Beth, then her finger moved to one with Riley, Evie, Josh, and Emma, "then there's Josh the drummer. Knew Riley in his Edinburgh days, and grew up with Lachlan. He's also a massive deviant, and apparently hasn't fucked his girlfriend yet. He was a massive slut like us, but Emma did get him by the short and curlies, and wanted him to prove he could be faithful or something. I'm amazed he hasn't exploded from lack of sex. Then there's me, and Lachlan. Luke didn't want in on the band because he's busy running our two bars. We play a few gigs between here and New York. We want to do an album. Me and Lachlan both have some songs to work on. He's got a record deal, but the deal was that his son would always come first. I told you, he didn't want fame. He became a doctor, still is one. His life kinda shot to shit - pardon the pun - when he got, ah... shot. He was saving Tara's life. Me? Because I didn't want to be away from Riley, or Luke. I just needed to stop for a little while. I was three years without Riley... I can't do it again. And things with Luke had still been kinda new. I was the one that proposed to him."
Tab laughed as she nudged him. "All of them. Trust me. The more you get to know them, the more you realise how fucking amazing they are for still being able to smile. Well, some of them. Josh is Josh. I don't think he could have shady past if he tried."
Elliot merely raised his eyebrows at the comment about 'the other dude', but didn't comment. He really didn't have much to say about 'the other dude' at all. He knew Riley would concur with him on that front. Brothers in arms and all that bollocks. He knew it was an issue when Riley got sick and if Elliot was honest, he felt if there was ever a time Tab needed to be with her twin, to the fuck of anyone else, it was when he was sick. It was only now that Elliot was actually hearing the enormity of how sick Riley was, so his opinion increased ten-fold. He had known at the time when Tab was still living in New York that Riley was ill and she had gone to him, but there had been a couple of phone calls with Elliot thrown in there where Tab had been really worried about her brother. The only thing that had kept him coming to her aid like Superman (only hotter) was 'the other dude'. "Hasn't fucked her? How long has she been keeping his dangler dangling? Because, dude, I want to say that's wrong but can't really judge either way if there are other factors involved. Probably why I'm not into the commitment thing. I like my short and curlies where they are. And everything surrounding them. Shot? Like with a gun shot? Seriously?" He looked at the photo again, trying to figure out if the guy looked familiar. He did, sort of, but Elliot was more a names person than faces. Always had been. He looked at her curiously. "How do you feel transitioning from solo artist to part of a duet? I know it's not everyone's cup of tea to share the limelight, but I have to admit, you look hot together. In a rock starry, non-romatic way."
He snorted a little in annoyance. "See, you can't wave a carrot in front of my face like that and not give me details. Now I'm just going to start trying to figure out which one is a cross-dresser and which one gets hot for kitchen utensils or fruit. Maybe throw in a murderer or car thief. I say Baby Momma is the car thief. Chuck the baby capsule in the back, and she'll be off like the wind. You gotta convince me Princeton ain't Jersey's answer to The Bronx. All the manicured lawns and garden gnomes are just a facade for the crack whores, aren't they?"
"You ask a lot more questions than I remember, E," Tab laughed as she squeezed him affectionately. It really was like Christmas having him back, and here in Princeton with her. All her favourite guys under one roof. She definitely couldn't ask for more than that. "It's been a few months for sure. I can't remember how many... He seems pretty determined to make a go of it. I think he's close to coming in his pants some days when he has to put up with her sitting in his lap in tight jeans." Tab nodded. It had been pretty serious. She hadn't been here, but she knew it was enough to affect Riley in Scotland. In fact, it had pretty much been the beginning of the end for him and Beth. Not that she was complaining. Tab was happy Riley had found his match in Evie, and Keiran had always seemed happy with Beth. Especially since she seemed to be ready to be a mother to Callum, his son. Tab broke out into a grin. "Fucking awesome! I wouldn't back out of this one bit. Me and Lachlan rock it, and with the band backing us we're even better. Just, you know, we could use your talents. If you're willing. I've got some demo tapes around the place, and Luke's recorded a couple shows."
"Oh, I'm the murderer, can't you tell? Well, Harri's ex was originally married to his FBI partner, or something. But then he was supposed to have died in Australia. But then he came back! He's best friends with Andy's wife-to-be. Luke's cousin, Andy," Tab clarified as she pointed to a picture of the paramedic with Ali nursing Jamie. "And his other cousin, Leila, she just married this dude after three weeks because he's military and got shipped out to Afghanistan."
Elliot was smirking at her again as his eyes turned from the photos to her face. "Does your husband know about me?" he couldn't help but asking. He really wouldn't blame her for not thinking to mention him. It wasn't like they lost contact, just more that months passed without them realising, but they always found their way back to each other. In the past, they found their way back and had a reunion bonk. Obviously that wasn't going to happen this time. He wasn't sure if the other dude would appreciate his wife's ex-lay and fellow sax player rocking up on his territory and believing it was innocent. In fact, Elliot was starting to think that staying with Tab might be kinda awkward now. Still, the thought of playing in another band again, and with Tab again, was really appealling. He had to admit, the two singers looked great together and he was intrigued about the Scot's supposed endless talents. And it would be way cool to hang out with someone who survived getting shot. He couldn't help but wonder how cool the scars looked.
"FBI? Fuck. I think I'm going to use an alias. I don't want my past catching up with me. Doctors, military, FBI, paramedics, rock stars. What else do all these people do for a living? I'm starting to feel awfully inadequate," he admitted, pulling a face.
Tab bit her lip, a clear look of guilt crossing her features as she glanced away at Luke's photo like he was going to wind up giving her The Look through that. She looked back up at Elliot, her red fringe covering her eyes. "Erm... maybe not so much. Just for so long you were just mine, you know? It was... I didn't want him to think... I don't really know what I wanted him to think. When I met him I kinda maybe made a couple mistakes comparing him to the other dude. Not on purpose! Just that I was used to how he treated me, and I kept waiting for Luke to do the same, but he didn't. And he could deal with Benny, you know? In fact Benny introduced us. Benny wasn't a threat. I wasn't sure if he'd see you as a threat. I've never exactly had to deal with any of his exes. He's had to deal with the ghost of one of mine, and a sort-of flesh one now in you. Not that we were ever together! But you know what I mean... don't you?" Tab clung to him a little harder like she could already sense his hesitation. "Don't go! Please. We've already established there's going to be no fucking, right? There's nothing to feel guilty about, or worried about. Besides, you'll get more than your fair share of Princeton pussy, and Luke won't give it a thought."
Tab patted his stomach. "It's alright, baby. You're more than enough man. You don't need to be fancy to be awesome. And I don't think even changing your name will help with the past thing. Remember that year you decided to go by Max Power just like Homer Simpson did?"
Elliot puffed his cheeks out as he looked down at her and let the breath out in a rush, his lips blowing a small rapsberry in the process. "I dunno, Bat. It all seems too complicated for me. I don't wanna wonder if I'm going to wake up alive in the mornings. And you seriously live here with a pregnant chick? Isn't that like walking on egghshells? I don't want to get in the way. What makes you so confident there is even available Princeton pussy? Sounds to me like everyone is knocked up, married, gay, or baby mommas." He looked back at the photos, wondering if he even had the stamina to remember who they all were. Not to mention how hot they all were, even the dudes he could appreciate and he was as straight as Bill Clinton's cigar.
The thing was, and although it didn't look like it on the face of it, Elliot was actually highly educated. He was close to the top of his class in high school and then decided college had to be a good choice for the parties and the babes. It just happened that he never had to try hard to be a good student. He graduated with Honours with a degree in Physiotherapy. He had just never planned to use it once he was done. By the time he finished, he was wishing he chose something more obcsure like Zoology instead, but figured college was an experience said and done for him. He wasn't going to do it over. He did it to say he could, not because he actually yearned to be a Physiotherapist. For Elliot, life was about experiencing things, not about how healthy your bank account was. "Are fivesomes an FBI crime, or is that only when children are present?" he asked, tilting his head in thought. "And that got me free drinks, so it was so worth it. When I tried Luke Skywalker, all it got me was bad Darth Vadar impressions. Did you know there are some really shit Vadar impersonators out there? There is so much more to it than heavy breathing."
Tab smiled a little at the familiar nickname, not having heard it in ages. She really had missed Elliot. She frowned a little a moment later and shook her head emphatically. "No, no, please stay. Luke will be okay with it, I swear. Where else are you going to crash? And we have some serious catching up to do, plus Beanpole will love seeing you, and he might need the extra male reinforcements. I'm telling you, Evie's carrying twins! That's like scarier amounts of hormones. You don't have to walk around eggshells, just carry chocolate in your pocket to give to her. You won't be in the way. Look at the size of this house, E!" Tab's frown faded a little. "Because I'm fucking awesome at setups, so you just sit back and watch me find the pussy. There are plenty of single ladies."
"Nope, definitely only when children and animals are present. You're safe as far as sexual escapades go." Tab made a face. "Blech, I can imagine. Oh, hey! I'm dressing up as Leia for Ali's reception. I've got it all figured, and I'm going to look fucking hot."
"I dunno, a brothel? Could maybe head back to the city. I didn't really give much though to the fact you're hitched now. Sounds like it's a well-full house. They aren't all gonna wanna a complete strange bastard hanging around. What if they want to walk around naked? Or sing bad Britney songs in private? Plus, the whole scary pregnant chick? You ain't making it sound so appealing, you know. At least in a hotel, I get a mint on my pillow. Here, I might get one shoved up my ass. And what if I don't want to share my chocolate? I didn't know her up so she's not my obligation, no offense. When I knock a chick up, I'll carry chocolate on me. My sperm is too awesome for pregnancy, though. It'll need a ritual with a green goat sacrificed on New Year's Eve for me to succeed in Oh Holy Conception. And a virgin chick in a blue toga on a horse in a manger," Elliot decided with a nod, clearly having giving it a lot of thought. "Awesome at set ups? Fuck off! The last chick you set me up with wanted to fuck me on a bouncy castle with Barbie dolls as an audience."
He snorted. "Leia? You should just go as your ego. It's big enough, would probably out-do the bride, though."
"You can't go back to New York! Elliot, you just got here. We just got back to each other. If you go back, who's to say we don't see each other again for another few months? Just hang around, even for a couple days before you decide to go back. Please?" She reached out to take his hand. "I'll get on my knees and beg if you really want." She tilted her head. "Fuck, I don't remember her at all. Clearly my game was off then."
Tab flipped him off. "Love you too, EMO."
Elliot tilted his head in consideration, still not entirely convinced he was going to fit in here. "Find me a hot chick to shag, and I'll consider it," he bargained.
Words: 6888 | All muses referred to with permission and from the princeton2nyc verse