For muse_shuffle September Disc One
08. You won’t see me tribal raving baby // Coz I wont ever look that good // I’d rather dance in ugly pants // In the comfort of a lounge room in suburbia
(Regurgitator - ‘! [Song formerly known as]’)
[Co-written with pullymysteth]
"So... after I didn't pick up the fifth time you still didn't get the clue that I wasn't planning on answering my phone, huh, beanpole?"
"I slept with boobs."
"Whoa, are you okay? Do you need to lie down?"
"Maybe. I... didn't really get much out of it. I don't think its just Beth's boobs."
"Are you sure, because my theory was pretty fucking solid? I was proud of myself for all of that deep thought and analysis. Bugger. Did you like what was attached to the boobs? Maybe it was a personality thing."
"Um, I don't know. Maybe? I mean, it wasn't like she was a rock fungus or anything. I was just... well, I was bored. I was doing times-tables in my head while I was doing it and then I left before she woke up. I never do that. Two times one equals two... two times two equals four. Seriously. I'm broken, squirt."
"Times-tables? Fuck, Riley who were you shagging? No girl worth her salt should have a guy doing that in his head? Fuck-a-duck. I'm almost ashamed to be the same sex as the ironing board you just bonked. You can't be broken, Big Bro. I refuse to give up on you."
"But she was hot! She offered, sort of. It just happened. It just didn't happen, you know? Maybe I should just give up looking?"
"Hot doesn't automatically mean a good lay, Big Bro. You just got to get out there and keep trying to get fucked properly. I mean, have the gay sex too if that's what's doing it for you, but boobs can't suck that badly!"
"She didn't care. It was easy. No one else will really be that easy. Ah fuck, I don't mean she was easy... shit."
"Nice one, beanpole. How do you know the next one won't care about your half a testicle?"
"This one had issues too. Not half a testicle, mind. Fuck. There'd be a problem if she did, but she had issues that made her not really give a shit about the risks."
"Look, I'm glad you found someone who gets what you're going through and you can share a group hug and stuff, but again... doesn't mean she's a good lay. I say just get back on the horse and go out and find some decent boobs. Honestly, between the fake tits and this ironing board I'm really starting to wonder if it's you with the problem. Maybe your taste in boobs is broken, not the boobs themselves."
"I'm not gay. I just like guys that are."
"Hey, did I say you were? I just said maybe your boob radar is broken. You've been freaking out for ages about condoms breaking and hurting boobs that maybe you're picking the lame ones because you figure you won't care as much?"
"... but I didn't pick anything, she picked me."
"Riley... do me a favour?"
"Yeah, okay, but you said to have casual sex! It was casual. I nearly fell asleep."
"Casual sex shouldn't be boring. It's kind of the entire point of casual sex. Anyway, my favour is this: go out and choose your own set of boobs and see what happens."
"I dunno. I think I'm done looking. It's too tiring. I have to take someone out for a drink tonight but after that, I'm sticking to my right hand."
"Yeah, well... if you can't wank yourself to satisfaction then I'm really going to be concerned."
"It's not like I can infect myself, is it?"
"Nope, but you might go blind and get a hairy palm."
"I've been wanking since I was twelve. Do I look like a yeti so far?"
"I think you're kind of hair-challenged, beanpole. I can't remember you ever growing a beard, or any kind of decent facial hair."
"Urgh, why would I want to? I'm considerate of my partners, you know. Even if I don't have any. You've clearly never been given head by a guy with a beard. And anyway, it fucking grows red when I don't shave."
"I'm not in the habit of getting blown by hairy gay guys. So you get red facial hair, seriously? Guess we do coordinate after all."
"Fucking bright red. It looks weird when I don't have red hair. Besides, it’s itchy. Why anyone wouldn't shave is beyond me."
"That really is weird. Okay, so just go have a drink with whoever it is tonight and then enjoy your right hand. This sucks, though. I still say I'm right, and you're just fucking the wrong boobs so that I don't get to say I told you so."
"What more can I do? This chick was as far from Beth as anyone could be."
"I don't know, Big Bro. Just try and have fun tonight, and do a tequila shot for me."
"It's an apology drink, not a rave."
"You're just going to jump straight to the apology and skip the dud sex? Guess it'll save some time."
"I'm not going to sleep with her! It's just a drink. I told you. I've sworn off dating. I'm going to learn to knit."
"Make me a scarf, okay? I could use an extra one."
"Do booties have toes?"
"Nope. Hey look, I have to go. Mick's having a stress about this one track. Thinks there's something wrong with it, but can't put his finger on it so we have to do it all over again. I think I'll be drinking my own tequila shots tonight."
"Alright, I'll see you later, then."
"Later, beanpole. Try and have fun, and call me later if you need to. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you."
Tabitha London Browne
Original Character
Words: 947
phtgrphcscot, imnodoctor referenced with mun permission. Not binding on any Thirteens, Mick is my own NPC.
(Regurgitator - ‘! [Song formerly known as]’)
[Co-written with pullymysteth]
"So... after I didn't pick up the fifth time you still didn't get the clue that I wasn't planning on answering my phone, huh, beanpole?"
"I slept with boobs."
"Whoa, are you okay? Do you need to lie down?"
"Maybe. I... didn't really get much out of it. I don't think its just Beth's boobs."
"Are you sure, because my theory was pretty fucking solid? I was proud of myself for all of that deep thought and analysis. Bugger. Did you like what was attached to the boobs? Maybe it was a personality thing."
"Um, I don't know. Maybe? I mean, it wasn't like she was a rock fungus or anything. I was just... well, I was bored. I was doing times-tables in my head while I was doing it and then I left before she woke up. I never do that. Two times one equals two... two times two equals four. Seriously. I'm broken, squirt."
"Times-tables? Fuck, Riley who were you shagging? No girl worth her salt should have a guy doing that in his head? Fuck-a-duck. I'm almost ashamed to be the same sex as the ironing board you just bonked. You can't be broken, Big Bro. I refuse to give up on you."
"But she was hot! She offered, sort of. It just happened. It just didn't happen, you know? Maybe I should just give up looking?"
"Hot doesn't automatically mean a good lay, Big Bro. You just got to get out there and keep trying to get fucked properly. I mean, have the gay sex too if that's what's doing it for you, but boobs can't suck that badly!"
"She didn't care. It was easy. No one else will really be that easy. Ah fuck, I don't mean she was easy... shit."
"Nice one, beanpole. How do you know the next one won't care about your half a testicle?"
"This one had issues too. Not half a testicle, mind. Fuck. There'd be a problem if she did, but she had issues that made her not really give a shit about the risks."
"Look, I'm glad you found someone who gets what you're going through and you can share a group hug and stuff, but again... doesn't mean she's a good lay. I say just get back on the horse and go out and find some decent boobs. Honestly, between the fake tits and this ironing board I'm really starting to wonder if it's you with the problem. Maybe your taste in boobs is broken, not the boobs themselves."
"I'm not gay. I just like guys that are."
"Hey, did I say you were? I just said maybe your boob radar is broken. You've been freaking out for ages about condoms breaking and hurting boobs that maybe you're picking the lame ones because you figure you won't care as much?"
"... but I didn't pick anything, she picked me."
"Riley... do me a favour?"
"Yeah, okay, but you said to have casual sex! It was casual. I nearly fell asleep."
"Casual sex shouldn't be boring. It's kind of the entire point of casual sex. Anyway, my favour is this: go out and choose your own set of boobs and see what happens."
"I dunno. I think I'm done looking. It's too tiring. I have to take someone out for a drink tonight but after that, I'm sticking to my right hand."
"Yeah, well... if you can't wank yourself to satisfaction then I'm really going to be concerned."
"It's not like I can infect myself, is it?"
"Nope, but you might go blind and get a hairy palm."
"I've been wanking since I was twelve. Do I look like a yeti so far?"
"I think you're kind of hair-challenged, beanpole. I can't remember you ever growing a beard, or any kind of decent facial hair."
"Urgh, why would I want to? I'm considerate of my partners, you know. Even if I don't have any. You've clearly never been given head by a guy with a beard. And anyway, it fucking grows red when I don't shave."
"I'm not in the habit of getting blown by hairy gay guys. So you get red facial hair, seriously? Guess we do coordinate after all."
"Fucking bright red. It looks weird when I don't have red hair. Besides, it’s itchy. Why anyone wouldn't shave is beyond me."
"That really is weird. Okay, so just go have a drink with whoever it is tonight and then enjoy your right hand. This sucks, though. I still say I'm right, and you're just fucking the wrong boobs so that I don't get to say I told you so."
"What more can I do? This chick was as far from Beth as anyone could be."
"I don't know, Big Bro. Just try and have fun tonight, and do a tequila shot for me."
"It's an apology drink, not a rave."
"You're just going to jump straight to the apology and skip the dud sex? Guess it'll save some time."
"I'm not going to sleep with her! It's just a drink. I told you. I've sworn off dating. I'm going to learn to knit."
"Make me a scarf, okay? I could use an extra one."
"Do booties have toes?"
"Nope. Hey look, I have to go. Mick's having a stress about this one track. Thinks there's something wrong with it, but can't put his finger on it so we have to do it all over again. I think I'll be drinking my own tequila shots tonight."
"Alright, I'll see you later, then."
"Later, beanpole. Try and have fun, and call me later if you need to. I'll be keeping my fingers crossed for you."
Tabitha London Browne
Original Character
Words: 947
phtgrphcscot, imnodoctor referenced with mun permission. Not binding on any Thirteens, Mick is my own NPC.