(no subject)
Had a fairly good night, after a pretty crappy week or so.. Friday before last my character in D&D died, at 10th lvl, but she got resurrected so I guess things are ok there. I still feel a bit ignored and useless in game, and in well every aspect of my life, but fuck 'em. I'm sick of wasting my energy, even when my heart tells me to keep trying. My mom's getting sicker... I practically have to carry around if we go anywhere. But she's finally getting enough material evidence to prove my ex stepdad an unfit parent to my brother, so I guess that's good. Hearing some hilarious news randomly about exes is always fun too. I fixed up my hair... trimmed my undercut a bit so it's neat and not all shaggy, took about a half inch of the ends of my long hair and did more red dye - it's going to take a while to get my hair all one colour. ALMOST got a car today for $200, a decent one too, but the guy had to go back on the deal b/c he ended up not being able to get his new car. No idea now when Victoria is coming back, again, b/c her mother took all her cash away. Fun. But again, fuck it. I have several job interviews lined up tomorrow morning and I'm pretty sure I'll do great. Sam and Bridget have been wonderful friends lately, Eric (Bridget's bf and my friend as well) too. Otherwise I can't say I have much faith in anyone else. Like I said I'm not wasting any of my energy on people who act like they could give two shits about me. I'm going through too much right now to worry about them too. It's actually kind of refreshing writing in here, b/c no one ever reads it. I think what would really help lift my spirits is finding a.. person. Loneliness isn't something I'd like to deal with while going through all these family crises. There's just no one I'm interested in that could ever possibly want me back, and I'm through with casual "dating". I always care too much and they care far too little. Hanging out with my ex Tim was fun, but he didn't even make a move on me, plus he's a frat boy and that's just a dumb idea to get involved with him. But I wish I had someone, and I think that's the first time I've said that in years. BUT, like I said above, feeling ignored and useless might be contributing to that, or hindering it, one of the two... Because of past experiences I can't trust people, and on top of it all there is still love in my heart for someone else, but I hate myself for that. With all of that bullshit drama I should probably stay alone, as usual. I think I'm going to just stick to my cats and books, and occasionally chilling with Sam or Bridget, and game, which I could sleep through and no one would notice.... But blah. I'm done babbling. No one reads this, so it's not like any of this is important anyway.