oh boy
I slept for almost 24 hours, woke up at 3 am, and it's now only going on 5. It was not a comfortable sleep.
I'm not sure if I'm going to get to see Tim again before he goes back to school, but I know I have to go check out this cemetary by there so it all works out. How can I pass up the gates to hell? For all you folks out there, its the Aux Sable cemetary in Morris County, IL. Look it up on Shadowlands.com or something. Anyways, yeah I'm going to miss Tim a lot. His quaint normalcy, his good nature, his playfulness, his amazingness in the sack...
So... uhm.. yeah... Speaking of gates to hell, Brad and I went to go see Exorcist: The Beginning on Monday afternoon. I thought it was really great except for all the really obvious cgi. That and how they made the possessed person (I won't give shit away) look almost exactly like Reagan from the first film. The voice too. But I love that voice, gives me chills.
The past couple days I've been thinking a lot about Eryk. Course I worry about him and all, but I really do miss him like a limb and wish we could at least be friends or something. But he won't even talk to me, except for that one post recently on this journal, and indirectly the messages about/to me on his journal. I think those are going to stop now though. I really felt like everything was getting so much better in my life, then wham.... isolated again as usual.. only this time I can feel the part in me where something's missing. I guess I'll get over it, maybe even enough to be able to get back with Brad someday. Brad would take a bullet for me if he had to, and I've treated him so sorely. But I can't find my way back to him until I get through this whole Eryk thing, and now Tim... I think I need some time away, it's been ages since I've gone on a trip. Don't know where I'd go, though... I have to miss the prison tour in WV with Chris now b/c it's too late for me to order my ticket to Charleston (the 7 day advance purchase with greyhound is the only way I can afford to go), and get there by the 28th. Maybe we can take a later one. -shrug-
I guess the point of all this is, I'm very tired of all this futility in my life, and I feel wasted and empty. I know some of it is my fault, but I also know what isn't and what I should just cope with. The coping process is always very difficult for me, and that's probably why this journal is here today, because I don't want to directly burden the people I care about with all this angst-ridden soddy drivel.
At the moment I think I'll just cope with the cat box and leave the rest up to itself.
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I'm not sure if I'm going to get to see Tim again before he goes back to school, but I know I have to go check out this cemetary by there so it all works out. How can I pass up the gates to hell? For all you folks out there, its the Aux Sable cemetary in Morris County, IL. Look it up on Shadowlands.com or something. Anyways, yeah I'm going to miss Tim a lot. His quaint normalcy, his good nature, his playfulness, his amazingness in the sack...
So... uhm.. yeah... Speaking of gates to hell, Brad and I went to go see Exorcist: The Beginning on Monday afternoon. I thought it was really great except for all the really obvious cgi. That and how they made the possessed person (I won't give shit away) look almost exactly like Reagan from the first film. The voice too. But I love that voice, gives me chills.
The past couple days I've been thinking a lot about Eryk. Course I worry about him and all, but I really do miss him like a limb and wish we could at least be friends or something. But he won't even talk to me, except for that one post recently on this journal, and indirectly the messages about/to me on his journal. I think those are going to stop now though. I really felt like everything was getting so much better in my life, then wham.... isolated again as usual.. only this time I can feel the part in me where something's missing. I guess I'll get over it, maybe even enough to be able to get back with Brad someday. Brad would take a bullet for me if he had to, and I've treated him so sorely. But I can't find my way back to him until I get through this whole Eryk thing, and now Tim... I think I need some time away, it's been ages since I've gone on a trip. Don't know where I'd go, though... I have to miss the prison tour in WV with Chris now b/c it's too late for me to order my ticket to Charleston (the 7 day advance purchase with greyhound is the only way I can afford to go), and get there by the 28th. Maybe we can take a later one. -shrug-
I guess the point of all this is, I'm very tired of all this futility in my life, and I feel wasted and empty. I know some of it is my fault, but I also know what isn't and what I should just cope with. The coping process is always very difficult for me, and that's probably why this journal is here today, because I don't want to directly burden the people I care about with all this angst-ridden soddy drivel.
At the moment I think I'll just cope with the cat box and leave the rest up to itself.
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