soooooo tired...trying to make sense, NOW PLAYING: Studying Politics
I should be sleeping, I'm tired... I'm actually pretty freaking tired... but my mind is racing like normal. I'm listening to "Bleeding Through" right now, the song "the Truth", and I do have to say...it's a pretty good listen, especially when writing.
What to write about, what to say...
I've been reading a ton lately, it's as if I can't stop, I just want more and more knowledge...I couldn't stop if I wanted to. I've been reading alot about Christian Transhumanism, and hyper evolution...both which go hand in hand together, and represents alot of what the early church once taught... pretty awesome stuff. I'm so excited about the opportunities ahead for me, whether there apparent or still to be revealed...I just know that God has some great plans for those that embrace him. I honestly can't wait for my moment of transcendance... yet I still have so much left to do. I'm so far from where I'm suppose to be, I still do so many things that I know of which are wrong. I probably put more stress on myself and the choices that I make... than most young men do. Simply... I have to take this serious, because this is everything to me.
To Tina:
You are the most beautiful person I've ever known, I can't wait for a life where you and I stand hand in hand...and share everything with each other. A connection so profound that one might call it "true love". I want you to be there for me every second, and I want to walk hand in hand in Christ with you. It's so incredibly important for every relationship to have God in the center...besides he's in your relationship anyway...he's in everything, but to make him the center, well that's something we have to work towards. I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else, honestly your beauty is something that still amazes me. We will be together even in heaven, don't ever be afraid of that... because if you weren't there with me, then I simply couldn't think of it as paradise. I love you, what an awesome year we have ahead of us. Thank you for all the support, in knowing that your ready and have been ready to support me in anything I ever do... what was once baby steps, have turned into jog and soon I'll be running. Thank you again and I love you more than you'll ever know.
To Joe:
Decisions, decisions my friend... what shall you do? You know where my heart lies in this, I've prayed for you many times my brother... I know if you put your trust in prayer and know that God has but only great plans for you, well your answer will be there. It's not as full of grey as you think it is Joe, it simply is black and white, yes and no. Sure everything happens for a reason, but maybe when it all comes down to it... you moved away, only to relize you needed to move back. You moved away from what you loved, to relize just how much you loved it. I know you'll make the right choice dude, besides you have to be back in October! Trust God, God will never let you down, I will let you down, but he never will.
To Casey:
I know times are rough, but believe me that things will look up for you. Although we've been playing tag for quite sometime, I have an idea of what's been going on with you in the past 2 weeks. It's A, B and perhaps even C... What's so difficult about wanting love or being loved? It's not, and no it's not that some people don't want to be loved. We all take love differently, and it's never really about what we want anyway. Have you ever truly taken your love for someone to God, and really asked him if it's what he wants for you? It's amazing how as people we have trouble understanding that in just about every problem we're at the center. When it's really stripped down, and in it's bare...almost every problem comes from our direct interference or lack of effort. We cause just about every problem we have, because we're faulty. But here's the awesome part dude, we can change that... we can make things right, but you need to have God with you when you go about doing it. It's the only way we really can know what's right, and with music... it's what you do...it's your passion, again another love in your life. Bring it to God, through prayer, and the Holy Spirit you'll find your way. It's unfailing dude, Your an incredibly strong person, God smiles in knowing that your on his side of the war, smile back.
To Jessica:
I don't write to you very much, but please take the time to read. I know about your search, I know about your worries... but we all lead different lives. So similar and yet so different, what is meant for one person, may not be for another. But don't worry, things always work out for the best, honestly God really does have the best plan...but we have to go hand in hand with him. Quit running after things, people, love... be content with the love that God has in store for all of us, in reality we'll never know true love until we walk with him. Relationships are designed to give us a taste of what's to come with God, friendships, family, marriage etc... quit chasing what only God can give you, God will have someone for you in due time, but it will be on his time. A Prince seeks a Princess, not the other away around...use this time to become closer to your family, friends and God. Pray for God's will in your life, we all could do better with that...Tina and I are praying for you.
To Jordan:
I know we haven't talked too much, it's nothing personal...just it's easier being inpersonal... I guess I'm not as close to being who I want to be. I can't just be friends with you again, I can't be hurt like that again dude. I put alot into our friendship, our brotherhood, I left myself on the noose when it really came down to it...and you let me hang. Understand whereas you want things to be normal again... or atleast for us to talk again... Like anything that's been attacked, self defense takes a stand. I'm sorry but the shields are still up, and you'll have to be okay with knowing that it'll be a very long process.... a process that you have to work with, if we're ever to be anything more than associates... you'll have to work harder, and I'd suggest praying for it as well. Take a major step in the right direction, it's just finding what that major step is. Seriously...pray.
To my band:
Micah, Jessie, and Shawn. It's going to be something quite special this time around, I honestly can't wait to hear what we create, and to know what we're doing this for. When we can all stand together in a circle, arms over each other and just pray to our father...dude that's awesome, and it's what's needed in todays youth. To know that nothings a secret and every pain we have as individuals finds it's way into prayer... wow... it's beyond anything I ever could have imagined. With music it's as if I've always been running in the dark, but this time around the road is nice and lit... and I can't turn back now. Many great things to come...
I love all of you.
What if we knew of life as one epic story, with a great good and a terrible evil, we knew of black and white...and what was shades of grey were really only our attempts at making light of our situation. So take in consideration that life has it's destination, that we have a beginning and an end. For so long we had been locked in war with ourselves, that if for just one moment we had the opportunity to lock ourselves in our own epic, make the choice that matters, to come to terms with where we want to end up.
Enter the Elevator
So what happens in the last few seconds before we die, whether it be from a terrible accident, old age or even a heart attack? Would you ever consider that at that moment we council with God, that we must come to terms with our choices we've made. Perhaps we just sit down and have conversation, we're given the choice and then we must choose either him or selfishness. As it's been written, all will know of Christ Jesus, he'll make himself apparent. Whether your a buddhist, an atheist, a seeker, a 3rd world nation, it won't matter. Jesus will make himself apparent. It's often asked, what about those that die at an early age, say a tribal boy who accidently impals himself while on his first hunt. What about people like him, how can they know of Jesus without being able to read, or better yet without knowing of the civilized world. How can we put limits on God? Within the second it takes for your life to be taken away, I ask... how do we not know that Jesus hasn't had conversation with that child. That within our time a second is a second, but within that time from God's perspective he has all the time in the world. As it is, God doesn't work with time, by the mere fact that he's the one that spun time into existance, so like us, time was created by God. Unlike us, time isn't objective and doesn't have free will, would it be so out there to suggest that God manipulates time the way we manipulate a tooth brush against our teeth? For the atheist, just because you omit yourself from knowing God, doesn't mean that God omits you. You can't quiet God. It's often hilarious to think of someone who thinks he has that kind of control. Just because I put the idea of oxygen not existing doesn't mean that oxygen doesn't exist, for without it I would die. If you were to lock yourself in a basement during times of war, just because war didn't exist in front of your eyes, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. War does exist, both on the landscapes of man and on the straits of the spirit, we are at war and we all have been chosen to participate. Take up your sword...
So a young man becomes aware of his life (elevator) he doesn't know where he's going, but he does know of it's birth... although he didn't create the elevator, the elevator was there prior to his conception, always standing, always waiting for it's passenger. This boy represents the conflict of being born from society, for the time he will be known as "the broken". Although he lays broken, beaten and withstanding the aggression of life's oppressors, he remains faithful. He may not yet know of God, but God knows of him, God knows of this child's undying hope for something greater. What remains broken can be fixed, if not just for the right tools and materials, but by an excellent craftsman, a troubleshooter, a carpenter.
So "the broken" stands in the elevator and watches as other's appear around him, this elevator has an ultimate destination, but has many opening from which to get on, just once your on, you must choose a final destination. To the boys right is a female, just shy of 30, she appears to have been incredibly beautiful at one time, perhaps even the most beautiful that he's ever seen. Although her beauty is still there, it's merely what one can see from what was, and not so much what is. It's important that we know she was once beautiful, and that she can become beautiful again. For she never thought she was beautiful, she was only connected to what others thought, she never knew of love, but only lust. She needed someone to tell her she was beautiful, but again people only see the shell of humanity, and if we're to reach a destination...I must ask our you going up or down?
The Broken came to terms with what he would call this once beautiful woman, she would be known as "the whore" to him, for she still was lusted after, and we are what we portray ourselves as. Standing next to "the whore" is a tall man, dashing really, he has the dominor of a business tycoon, with a full head of hair that lays to his head as if it were wet, the suit stands out the most, for it's black appearance appears to connect to his hair. From the back of his head to the collor of the suit coat, he's one with this suit. This suit is who he is, he weighs his entire life on this suit, if you were to ask him who he was...he may just say his profession, and not even his name. For dress-up to him is when he takes this suit off, money is his God, and he manipulates it like we manipulate a comb through our hair.
Through hazy sight, the broken finds another person standing next to him, she is creepily quiet, similar to the quiet that's found in library of 2 people, she seems to be searching, for what he don't know. She hides her face behind large glasses and bangs that cave into her face. She slumps in a way that reminds him of the mythic gargoyles that he read about in English class last year, she remains attentive, eyes fixed towards the front, her trenchcoat covers a sweater, and if I didn't know any better, she could have an arsenal of weapons in that jacket, and the world would never know. She remains wanting to be loved, but maybe she had been at one point, only to be hurt, in which the scar tissue only resulted in a hard heart and building anger. For the time she can be known as the hopeless, but she will take another name in due time, as will all the occupants.
Silence is readily available to the occupants, like water is to the ocean, the occupants take it up without looking back. But the Broken does look back, he looks back to see a man and woman, and between them a child. The man is something of what comes from fairy tales, a dashing prince with hair that sparkles white and a smile that could melt a fanbase of teen girls at a pop concert. He is the symbol of the perfect husband, intelligent, humble, a communicator, a warrior, a bestfriend, and most importantly a father.
The woman who appears to be just as beautiful as "the whore", if not for her age, she comes across as very young, but she is much older than the other two women in the elevator. Her Auburn hair flows like wet paint across a canvas, her green eyes flash like fire against glass, her soul is vibrant, although she seems somewhat disheveled. Almost at unrest with the situation at hand, she could be the beautiful wife, or even the princess of fairy tales, she has history of boring a child, but never mothering that child. I'm unsure of her, and in a scary way I see myself, I feel drawn to the man who I've come to know as "the brave" and the woman for the time being becomes "the beauty". The conscience of the broken screams that the brave and the beauty once knew of each other, and perhaps were intimate, but something happened. What became love, became arguing, which became silence, which became pain and strife. But love never dies, and like fire seeking oxygen, if given the right push, love which is fire can become an inferno upon recieving the push which is oxygen.
Now if you remember I spoke of a child, a child that remains quiet, yet maybe she's quiet because she can't talk? Is she mute, and if not, then why so quiet, for a child should be of boistrous energy, and I wouldn't expect anything less. She has a book, and like an author over her greatest endeavor, she writes feverishly. Just listening, just waiting, and nobody notices that as a collective group they sit in silence and the numbers atop the elevator door still stay at it's place of origin. We haven't moved, not a single inch, yet we must get off somewhere, at our destination point, The broken becomes more aware of this situation, and his attention turns to his inner thoughts, we're not leaving til we finish this. It's one way or the other, black and white, eternal life or death. We're not going anywhere til we finish this.
This is our epic, fight, love and fight... we're at war, luckily we know the enemy, take a look in the mirror and then get back to me.
Your brother and bestfriend, Lance
What to write about, what to say...
I've been reading a ton lately, it's as if I can't stop, I just want more and more knowledge...I couldn't stop if I wanted to. I've been reading alot about Christian Transhumanism, and hyper evolution...both which go hand in hand together, and represents alot of what the early church once taught... pretty awesome stuff. I'm so excited about the opportunities ahead for me, whether there apparent or still to be revealed...I just know that God has some great plans for those that embrace him. I honestly can't wait for my moment of transcendance... yet I still have so much left to do. I'm so far from where I'm suppose to be, I still do so many things that I know of which are wrong. I probably put more stress on myself and the choices that I make... than most young men do. Simply... I have to take this serious, because this is everything to me.
To Tina:
You are the most beautiful person I've ever known, I can't wait for a life where you and I stand hand in hand...and share everything with each other. A connection so profound that one might call it "true love". I want you to be there for me every second, and I want to walk hand in hand in Christ with you. It's so incredibly important for every relationship to have God in the center...besides he's in your relationship anyway...he's in everything, but to make him the center, well that's something we have to work towards. I couldn't imagine my life with anyone else, honestly your beauty is something that still amazes me. We will be together even in heaven, don't ever be afraid of that... because if you weren't there with me, then I simply couldn't think of it as paradise. I love you, what an awesome year we have ahead of us. Thank you for all the support, in knowing that your ready and have been ready to support me in anything I ever do... what was once baby steps, have turned into jog and soon I'll be running. Thank you again and I love you more than you'll ever know.
To Joe:
Decisions, decisions my friend... what shall you do? You know where my heart lies in this, I've prayed for you many times my brother... I know if you put your trust in prayer and know that God has but only great plans for you, well your answer will be there. It's not as full of grey as you think it is Joe, it simply is black and white, yes and no. Sure everything happens for a reason, but maybe when it all comes down to it... you moved away, only to relize you needed to move back. You moved away from what you loved, to relize just how much you loved it. I know you'll make the right choice dude, besides you have to be back in October! Trust God, God will never let you down, I will let you down, but he never will.
To Casey:
I know times are rough, but believe me that things will look up for you. Although we've been playing tag for quite sometime, I have an idea of what's been going on with you in the past 2 weeks. It's A, B and perhaps even C... What's so difficult about wanting love or being loved? It's not, and no it's not that some people don't want to be loved. We all take love differently, and it's never really about what we want anyway. Have you ever truly taken your love for someone to God, and really asked him if it's what he wants for you? It's amazing how as people we have trouble understanding that in just about every problem we're at the center. When it's really stripped down, and in it's bare...almost every problem comes from our direct interference or lack of effort. We cause just about every problem we have, because we're faulty. But here's the awesome part dude, we can change that... we can make things right, but you need to have God with you when you go about doing it. It's the only way we really can know what's right, and with music... it's what you do...it's your passion, again another love in your life. Bring it to God, through prayer, and the Holy Spirit you'll find your way. It's unfailing dude, Your an incredibly strong person, God smiles in knowing that your on his side of the war, smile back.
To Jessica:
I don't write to you very much, but please take the time to read. I know about your search, I know about your worries... but we all lead different lives. So similar and yet so different, what is meant for one person, may not be for another. But don't worry, things always work out for the best, honestly God really does have the best plan...but we have to go hand in hand with him. Quit running after things, people, love... be content with the love that God has in store for all of us, in reality we'll never know true love until we walk with him. Relationships are designed to give us a taste of what's to come with God, friendships, family, marriage etc... quit chasing what only God can give you, God will have someone for you in due time, but it will be on his time. A Prince seeks a Princess, not the other away around...use this time to become closer to your family, friends and God. Pray for God's will in your life, we all could do better with that...Tina and I are praying for you.
To Jordan:
I know we haven't talked too much, it's nothing personal...just it's easier being inpersonal... I guess I'm not as close to being who I want to be. I can't just be friends with you again, I can't be hurt like that again dude. I put alot into our friendship, our brotherhood, I left myself on the noose when it really came down to it...and you let me hang. Understand whereas you want things to be normal again... or atleast for us to talk again... Like anything that's been attacked, self defense takes a stand. I'm sorry but the shields are still up, and you'll have to be okay with knowing that it'll be a very long process.... a process that you have to work with, if we're ever to be anything more than associates... you'll have to work harder, and I'd suggest praying for it as well. Take a major step in the right direction, it's just finding what that major step is. Seriously...pray.
To my band:
Micah, Jessie, and Shawn. It's going to be something quite special this time around, I honestly can't wait to hear what we create, and to know what we're doing this for. When we can all stand together in a circle, arms over each other and just pray to our father...dude that's awesome, and it's what's needed in todays youth. To know that nothings a secret and every pain we have as individuals finds it's way into prayer... wow... it's beyond anything I ever could have imagined. With music it's as if I've always been running in the dark, but this time around the road is nice and lit... and I can't turn back now. Many great things to come...
I love all of you.
What if we knew of life as one epic story, with a great good and a terrible evil, we knew of black and white...and what was shades of grey were really only our attempts at making light of our situation. So take in consideration that life has it's destination, that we have a beginning and an end. For so long we had been locked in war with ourselves, that if for just one moment we had the opportunity to lock ourselves in our own epic, make the choice that matters, to come to terms with where we want to end up.
Enter the Elevator
So what happens in the last few seconds before we die, whether it be from a terrible accident, old age or even a heart attack? Would you ever consider that at that moment we council with God, that we must come to terms with our choices we've made. Perhaps we just sit down and have conversation, we're given the choice and then we must choose either him or selfishness. As it's been written, all will know of Christ Jesus, he'll make himself apparent. Whether your a buddhist, an atheist, a seeker, a 3rd world nation, it won't matter. Jesus will make himself apparent. It's often asked, what about those that die at an early age, say a tribal boy who accidently impals himself while on his first hunt. What about people like him, how can they know of Jesus without being able to read, or better yet without knowing of the civilized world. How can we put limits on God? Within the second it takes for your life to be taken away, I ask... how do we not know that Jesus hasn't had conversation with that child. That within our time a second is a second, but within that time from God's perspective he has all the time in the world. As it is, God doesn't work with time, by the mere fact that he's the one that spun time into existance, so like us, time was created by God. Unlike us, time isn't objective and doesn't have free will, would it be so out there to suggest that God manipulates time the way we manipulate a tooth brush against our teeth? For the atheist, just because you omit yourself from knowing God, doesn't mean that God omits you. You can't quiet God. It's often hilarious to think of someone who thinks he has that kind of control. Just because I put the idea of oxygen not existing doesn't mean that oxygen doesn't exist, for without it I would die. If you were to lock yourself in a basement during times of war, just because war didn't exist in front of your eyes, doesn't mean that it doesn't exist. War does exist, both on the landscapes of man and on the straits of the spirit, we are at war and we all have been chosen to participate. Take up your sword...
So a young man becomes aware of his life (elevator) he doesn't know where he's going, but he does know of it's birth... although he didn't create the elevator, the elevator was there prior to his conception, always standing, always waiting for it's passenger. This boy represents the conflict of being born from society, for the time he will be known as "the broken". Although he lays broken, beaten and withstanding the aggression of life's oppressors, he remains faithful. He may not yet know of God, but God knows of him, God knows of this child's undying hope for something greater. What remains broken can be fixed, if not just for the right tools and materials, but by an excellent craftsman, a troubleshooter, a carpenter.
So "the broken" stands in the elevator and watches as other's appear around him, this elevator has an ultimate destination, but has many opening from which to get on, just once your on, you must choose a final destination. To the boys right is a female, just shy of 30, she appears to have been incredibly beautiful at one time, perhaps even the most beautiful that he's ever seen. Although her beauty is still there, it's merely what one can see from what was, and not so much what is. It's important that we know she was once beautiful, and that she can become beautiful again. For she never thought she was beautiful, she was only connected to what others thought, she never knew of love, but only lust. She needed someone to tell her she was beautiful, but again people only see the shell of humanity, and if we're to reach a destination...I must ask our you going up or down?
The Broken came to terms with what he would call this once beautiful woman, she would be known as "the whore" to him, for she still was lusted after, and we are what we portray ourselves as. Standing next to "the whore" is a tall man, dashing really, he has the dominor of a business tycoon, with a full head of hair that lays to his head as if it were wet, the suit stands out the most, for it's black appearance appears to connect to his hair. From the back of his head to the collor of the suit coat, he's one with this suit. This suit is who he is, he weighs his entire life on this suit, if you were to ask him who he was...he may just say his profession, and not even his name. For dress-up to him is when he takes this suit off, money is his God, and he manipulates it like we manipulate a comb through our hair.
Through hazy sight, the broken finds another person standing next to him, she is creepily quiet, similar to the quiet that's found in library of 2 people, she seems to be searching, for what he don't know. She hides her face behind large glasses and bangs that cave into her face. She slumps in a way that reminds him of the mythic gargoyles that he read about in English class last year, she remains attentive, eyes fixed towards the front, her trenchcoat covers a sweater, and if I didn't know any better, she could have an arsenal of weapons in that jacket, and the world would never know. She remains wanting to be loved, but maybe she had been at one point, only to be hurt, in which the scar tissue only resulted in a hard heart and building anger. For the time she can be known as the hopeless, but she will take another name in due time, as will all the occupants.
Silence is readily available to the occupants, like water is to the ocean, the occupants take it up without looking back. But the Broken does look back, he looks back to see a man and woman, and between them a child. The man is something of what comes from fairy tales, a dashing prince with hair that sparkles white and a smile that could melt a fanbase of teen girls at a pop concert. He is the symbol of the perfect husband, intelligent, humble, a communicator, a warrior, a bestfriend, and most importantly a father.
The woman who appears to be just as beautiful as "the whore", if not for her age, she comes across as very young, but she is much older than the other two women in the elevator. Her Auburn hair flows like wet paint across a canvas, her green eyes flash like fire against glass, her soul is vibrant, although she seems somewhat disheveled. Almost at unrest with the situation at hand, she could be the beautiful wife, or even the princess of fairy tales, she has history of boring a child, but never mothering that child. I'm unsure of her, and in a scary way I see myself, I feel drawn to the man who I've come to know as "the brave" and the woman for the time being becomes "the beauty". The conscience of the broken screams that the brave and the beauty once knew of each other, and perhaps were intimate, but something happened. What became love, became arguing, which became silence, which became pain and strife. But love never dies, and like fire seeking oxygen, if given the right push, love which is fire can become an inferno upon recieving the push which is oxygen.
Now if you remember I spoke of a child, a child that remains quiet, yet maybe she's quiet because she can't talk? Is she mute, and if not, then why so quiet, for a child should be of boistrous energy, and I wouldn't expect anything less. She has a book, and like an author over her greatest endeavor, she writes feverishly. Just listening, just waiting, and nobody notices that as a collective group they sit in silence and the numbers atop the elevator door still stay at it's place of origin. We haven't moved, not a single inch, yet we must get off somewhere, at our destination point, The broken becomes more aware of this situation, and his attention turns to his inner thoughts, we're not leaving til we finish this. It's one way or the other, black and white, eternal life or death. We're not going anywhere til we finish this.
This is our epic, fight, love and fight... we're at war, luckily we know the enemy, take a look in the mirror and then get back to me.
Your brother and bestfriend, Lance