Nothing To Fear
I'm totally diggin' on the new Depeche Mode album...
I have to admit, there are a lot of things I really do not like. Banks for one. They are wretched institutions that you pay to handle your money, and you have to pay them to receive your money from them, and they have all sorts of insipid little fine print things that put college students in debt... I swear I'm gonna switch to a credit union. Those bloody peckers... Anywho.
Today started out alright, and for the most part it went well. I went to BCU at Greenville Tech for the first time in years. In some ways, it feels like I'm trying to work my way back to God. I don't think you can really just work your way back to Him, you are either there or you aren't. I won't deny the fact that I have run away from Him the past few months. It's easier to run away and avoid your conflicts then just take them on head on. The last time I thought of doing something that direct and bold with my problems was when I was a senior in high school. Of course, when your world is that small at the time, you don't really have a lot of conflicts to take on.
I am meeting with a friend I have not seen in a few years now, because we left on disjointed terms the last time we talked to one another because of some actions of a certain unbalanced significant other at the time. Thank God that psycho is in another state... I'm sorry did I say that out loud..? However, I am hoping that when I see her tonight that it goes well, I don't imagine that it can easily pick up right where we left off four years ago because we are both not the same people we were when we hung out all the time back in high school, so yeah... I have to try and get to know one of my best friend from way back when, all over again. There is comfort in the closure of finally finding out how things got so messed up back then. However, I am totally clueless as to how this could all go tonight, part of me is a little aprehensive, and the other part is gung ho. I have such a complex about defending myself to others now as a result of my ex's interference and the havoc she wreaked in my life and the lives of those around me, that I am incredibly insecure as a result, and constantly second-guessing myself, as well as becoming more and more defensive and confrontational. I will also admit though, on the other hand I would like to see if maybe, just maybe, there might be something to hit off between me and this girl. Course then agian, she could turn out to be psycho as well... Boy, do I know how to pick them...
There is a chance that me and Aaron Russell may be in town this weekend to hang out for a little while. I'm on fall break, so I don't care what I do really, just as long as I get away from the classroom for a little while. I tell you, it sucks trying to be an art student these days, so many of them are full of these posers, who are in it just to fill a mold. They want to be hip, and cool, and look like they have talent... I hate that in a person. I'm surrounded by some of those people here and I met quite a few of them in the Rut at WU. That's okay, they're making up for the fact they are no talent hacks who suck. *grins mischeviously* Sorry, that was my tourettes.
Maybe, I'm just burnt out again. I mean, I'm at class, then I'm at work, then I sleep. Maybe I should take a road trip by myself sometime soon. Or maybe I'm just lazy... Oh well, oddly enough... I can live with that.
I have to admit, there are a lot of things I really do not like. Banks for one. They are wretched institutions that you pay to handle your money, and you have to pay them to receive your money from them, and they have all sorts of insipid little fine print things that put college students in debt... I swear I'm gonna switch to a credit union. Those bloody peckers... Anywho.
Today started out alright, and for the most part it went well. I went to BCU at Greenville Tech for the first time in years. In some ways, it feels like I'm trying to work my way back to God. I don't think you can really just work your way back to Him, you are either there or you aren't. I won't deny the fact that I have run away from Him the past few months. It's easier to run away and avoid your conflicts then just take them on head on. The last time I thought of doing something that direct and bold with my problems was when I was a senior in high school. Of course, when your world is that small at the time, you don't really have a lot of conflicts to take on.
I am meeting with a friend I have not seen in a few years now, because we left on disjointed terms the last time we talked to one another because of some actions of a certain unbalanced significant other at the time. Thank God that psycho is in another state... I'm sorry did I say that out loud..? However, I am hoping that when I see her tonight that it goes well, I don't imagine that it can easily pick up right where we left off four years ago because we are both not the same people we were when we hung out all the time back in high school, so yeah... I have to try and get to know one of my best friend from way back when, all over again. There is comfort in the closure of finally finding out how things got so messed up back then. However, I am totally clueless as to how this could all go tonight, part of me is a little aprehensive, and the other part is gung ho. I have such a complex about defending myself to others now as a result of my ex's interference and the havoc she wreaked in my life and the lives of those around me, that I am incredibly insecure as a result, and constantly second-guessing myself, as well as becoming more and more defensive and confrontational. I will also admit though, on the other hand I would like to see if maybe, just maybe, there might be something to hit off between me and this girl. Course then agian, she could turn out to be psycho as well... Boy, do I know how to pick them...
There is a chance that me and Aaron Russell may be in town this weekend to hang out for a little while. I'm on fall break, so I don't care what I do really, just as long as I get away from the classroom for a little while. I tell you, it sucks trying to be an art student these days, so many of them are full of these posers, who are in it just to fill a mold. They want to be hip, and cool, and look like they have talent... I hate that in a person. I'm surrounded by some of those people here and I met quite a few of them in the Rut at WU. That's okay, they're making up for the fact they are no talent hacks who suck. *grins mischeviously* Sorry, that was my tourettes.
Maybe, I'm just burnt out again. I mean, I'm at class, then I'm at work, then I sleep. Maybe I should take a road trip by myself sometime soon. Or maybe I'm just lazy... Oh well, oddly enough... I can live with that.