hmm
hanging out with gary last night made me really start to think about myself. he was talking about how he has never just randomly hooked up with anyone, and a long time ago he decided that he wouldnt have sex with anyone until he was in a relationship with them and he actually cared about them. it kinda made me feel bad about the things that ive done. but in some wierd way i still dont regret them. i used to have the same kind of mindset as him. i used to actually care about myself and i never did anything unless i was really sure about it. well, i still dont do anything unless im really sure but somewhere along the way ive become more reckless. somewhere along the way i forgot myself and who i was and who i used to be. i lost any way of stopping myself from giving into my impulses. or maybe ive just been this way all along, but ive never shown it until now. despite all this guilt about myself, i never stopped loving who i am and i refuse to stop believing that im an amazing person. but when you think about it, its so easy to say "i dont regret anything" or "i have no regrets." it seems to be the trend for everyone to go around saying "no regrets, no regrets." but do ever think that anyone ever really means it? all along you could feel bad about something that youve done, but you can just blindly go around repeating this phrase and preaching to everyone about how you live with no regreats as a means to displace the actual guilt youre feeling. things get real complicated, and im not sure how to end this but that just shows you how confused im feeling, but im alright all at the same time.