corruption
I freakin swear...everyone around me turns into an alcoholic eventually. That reminds me, I never recounted the complete corruption of my Spain roommate. Ohh, the stories I keep. Later. So yeah I got this email from delta1700 today...
Subject: I'm Not Quite Sure What's Going On
Okay, a little help here guys. I need some questions answered.
Last night, I vaguely remember:
something about a burrito
something about a gordita
acid on the slope
making out with some plant named Cecilia
flirting with Chloe the Celica
my right hand on Jason's ass
my left hand on Jewelry's ass
my Nokia being some sort of energy weapon
Okay, I've been vomiting since 4 am. No headache or anything like that. Just vomiting an unidentifiable fluid. Fortunately, I found the strength to make some Chinese rice porridge this morning, so my stomach has settled somewhat. It is the vomiting that confuses me, so I need you experienced drinkers to tell me which theory is correct.
1) That was some bad chicken I had last night.
2) This is some lightweight form of a hangover.
3) Since I made out with a plant, a car, and touched both Jason and Jewelry, I'm pregnant and experiencing morning sickness.
Of all of those, I believe theory #1 is the least likely.
Dude, this is kinda weird.
Stephen
...to which I replied...
you got sick because you mixed tequila and then beer and then Jack and then rum.
tip 1 for friday and the rest of your life: stick with one or two kinds of alcohol. the more consistent you are, the better. or if you're in mad scientist mode and must consume more than one liquid, avoid beer and liquor. it's like multiple choice or something: pick one.
tip 2: liquor before beer, never fear. beer before liquor, never sicker.
If you want to engage yourself in the preface of this story, refer to the Lab Notebook of delta1700. However, if you've read this far, you probably are already familiar with the manifestation of Stephen's intoxication. But yes, to elaborate on the award-winning poetry of Jenson and I....
I arrived on the scene to find Stephen beyond impressed with his sandals...and white ankles. Um, yes. And then Stephen became overly interested in Jason's crotch...which really weirded me out. And I can't forget the 30 comics in the men's bathroom. Too bad I wasn't allowed to read them. Meredith Brook's "Bitch" came on and we decided that karaoke would be a good idea...never got around to it though. However the sampling of Karaoke by Stephen was quite...unparallel to anything I've ever heard.
And then it just gets a little strange...
I wasn't drunk last night. Because if I was, I'd be giving blowjobs...according to my nephew, Stephen. But it's a good thing that "grasshopper" didn't react when he slapped my ass. Maybe because he likes big boobs...and a medium ass. Yeah. But Cecilia the Plant got some play from the Big Daddy Pimp of the Academic Octathelon, let me emphasize that it's academic. None of that track and field bullshit. But this Big Daddy Pimp with two college degrees isn't as up-to-date as I am when it comes to published scientific studies...lemons grow on trees, alcohol takes 13 hours to wear off, some girls are too good for fish tacos. I mean, seriously, who hasn't read all about it?! I digress. Cecilia has not boobs nor an ass and Stephen made out with her twice. And Stephen has also vowed to teach Clarina how to blow. Can't forget that!
For the record, it was a fountain. Not a birdbath. More ass... "Hey! Is my ass dirty? Jason! Look at my ass. Is it dirty? It's okay...we're near Montrose...touch it." Okay so Jason with a fiance is allowed to touch Stephen's ass but not cheat on me with his fiance. And I'm pretty sure cheating on her is against the rules as well. Tough luck...poor bastard. Looks like he's gotta keep his burrito away from gorditas...and soft tacos. Hmm yeah...I think that's about all of it.
Let me know if I forgot anything.
"I love this guy [Jason] because he's a pretty smart fellow [and by default]. He may not seem like it, but he is. And I love you because we're related. You're my kinfolk! um, if we weren't related, i'd date you [or something to that effect]." - Stephen Allan Tsui
Subject: I'm Not Quite Sure What's Going On
Okay, a little help here guys. I need some questions answered.
Last night, I vaguely remember:
something about a burrito
something about a gordita
acid on the slope
making out with some plant named Cecilia
flirting with Chloe the Celica
my right hand on Jason's ass
my left hand on Jewelry's ass
my Nokia being some sort of energy weapon
Okay, I've been vomiting since 4 am. No headache or anything like that. Just vomiting an unidentifiable fluid. Fortunately, I found the strength to make some Chinese rice porridge this morning, so my stomach has settled somewhat. It is the vomiting that confuses me, so I need you experienced drinkers to tell me which theory is correct.
1) That was some bad chicken I had last night.
2) This is some lightweight form of a hangover.
3) Since I made out with a plant, a car, and touched both Jason and Jewelry, I'm pregnant and experiencing morning sickness.
Of all of those, I believe theory #1 is the least likely.
Dude, this is kinda weird.
Stephen
...to which I replied...
you got sick because you mixed tequila and then beer and then Jack and then rum.
tip 1 for friday and the rest of your life: stick with one or two kinds of alcohol. the more consistent you are, the better. or if you're in mad scientist mode and must consume more than one liquid, avoid beer and liquor. it's like multiple choice or something: pick one.
tip 2: liquor before beer, never fear. beer before liquor, never sicker.
If you want to engage yourself in the preface of this story, refer to the Lab Notebook of delta1700. However, if you've read this far, you probably are already familiar with the manifestation of Stephen's intoxication. But yes, to elaborate on the award-winning poetry of Jenson and I....
I arrived on the scene to find Stephen beyond impressed with his sandals...and white ankles. Um, yes. And then Stephen became overly interested in Jason's crotch...which really weirded me out. And I can't forget the 30 comics in the men's bathroom. Too bad I wasn't allowed to read them. Meredith Brook's "Bitch" came on and we decided that karaoke would be a good idea...never got around to it though. However the sampling of Karaoke by Stephen was quite...unparallel to anything I've ever heard.
And then it just gets a little strange...
I wasn't drunk last night. Because if I was, I'd be giving blowjobs...according to my nephew, Stephen. But it's a good thing that "grasshopper" didn't react when he slapped my ass. Maybe because he likes big boobs...and a medium ass. Yeah. But Cecilia the Plant got some play from the Big Daddy Pimp of the Academic Octathelon, let me emphasize that it's academic. None of that track and field bullshit. But this Big Daddy Pimp with two college degrees isn't as up-to-date as I am when it comes to published scientific studies...lemons grow on trees, alcohol takes 13 hours to wear off, some girls are too good for fish tacos. I mean, seriously, who hasn't read all about it?! I digress. Cecilia has not boobs nor an ass and Stephen made out with her twice. And Stephen has also vowed to teach Clarina how to blow. Can't forget that!
For the record, it was a fountain. Not a birdbath. More ass... "Hey! Is my ass dirty? Jason! Look at my ass. Is it dirty? It's okay...we're near Montrose...touch it." Okay so Jason with a fiance is allowed to touch Stephen's ass but not cheat on me with his fiance. And I'm pretty sure cheating on her is against the rules as well. Tough luck...poor bastard. Looks like he's gotta keep his burrito away from gorditas...and soft tacos. Hmm yeah...I think that's about all of it.
Let me know if I forgot anything.
"I love this guy [Jason] because he's a pretty smart fellow [and by default]. He may not seem like it, but he is. And I love you because we're related. You're my kinfolk! um, if we weren't related, i'd date you [or something to that effect]." - Stephen Allan Tsui