guns & sunsets......
I think the worst part about keeping a journal is having to look back at past grievances with the objectivity that comes with the passing of time. I tried to keep a written journal last year, only to turn it into a scrap book because the only time I chose to write in it was when I was
a)depressed
b)drunk off my ass
c)high on drugs -OR-
d)all of the above
When I took the time to read former entries I was usually embarrassed an appalled at what a ridiculous little bitch I could be. This is not a facet of my personality that I want to remember. Does this explain the termination of the journal??? It surprises me now that Ara has convinced me to start this one.
Basically, I read my entry from the other evening, and felt so STUPID. I wasted a whole night crying and getting wasted (which is in and of itself quite an accomplishment in a country prohibits alcohol.....but i managed through a combination of home made wine, beer and moonshine.........nice one Asia!) when I could have been enjoying myself.
Last night I was at this really boring beach "party". A bunch of small kids off doing their thing, and my aunts older friends, half of which were from the militry and spent hours on end talking about guns and shit. However, as I that there on the sand, I looked out on the horizon and witnessed easily one of the most beautiful sunsets of my life.... and it dawned on me that I am so lucky, and that I need to pull my head out of my ass and reap all the benefits of this chance that I have been given. It's hard not to miss my friends back home, but most of them will be there when I come home. I also recognize that this is an awesome chance to really figure who my true friends are. How often does a person get a chance to do that????
Of course, the one person that is giving e grief is JONAS. I miss him so much, and I know that now that I am gone is open season for all those little DJ tarts that are all over him every time he is out in public (rrrrrrrrrr). I keep tellin myself to stop thiking about him (and that just does NOT seem to be working). He and I both agreed to see what the year holds. He seems quite confident that we will be together when I get back, but I"m not sure how or what i feel. I didn't hear from him in nearly a week and decided (in my drunken stupor) "fuck it! I can't be bothered with this shit" but as he always seems to do, he came around when it mattered. He seems to sense when I've really had it. So he sent me this really sweet email and now I just miss the bastard again. *sigh* When did I become such a GIRL (I hate it).
But LONG story short, I have decided that each and every day is a gift from whatever powers are at work in this universe, and I shall do my best to enjoy each to the fullest. Not many people get the chance to be where I am, it's time i recognized how lucky I am.
a)depressed
b)drunk off my ass
c)high on drugs -OR-
d)all of the above
When I took the time to read former entries I was usually embarrassed an appalled at what a ridiculous little bitch I could be. This is not a facet of my personality that I want to remember. Does this explain the termination of the journal??? It surprises me now that Ara has convinced me to start this one.
Basically, I read my entry from the other evening, and felt so STUPID. I wasted a whole night crying and getting wasted (which is in and of itself quite an accomplishment in a country prohibits alcohol.....but i managed through a combination of home made wine, beer and moonshine.........nice one Asia!) when I could have been enjoying myself.
Last night I was at this really boring beach "party". A bunch of small kids off doing their thing, and my aunts older friends, half of which were from the militry and spent hours on end talking about guns and shit. However, as I that there on the sand, I looked out on the horizon and witnessed easily one of the most beautiful sunsets of my life.... and it dawned on me that I am so lucky, and that I need to pull my head out of my ass and reap all the benefits of this chance that I have been given. It's hard not to miss my friends back home, but most of them will be there when I come home. I also recognize that this is an awesome chance to really figure who my true friends are. How often does a person get a chance to do that????
Of course, the one person that is giving e grief is JONAS. I miss him so much, and I know that now that I am gone is open season for all those little DJ tarts that are all over him every time he is out in public (rrrrrrrrrr). I keep tellin myself to stop thiking about him (and that just does NOT seem to be working). He and I both agreed to see what the year holds. He seems quite confident that we will be together when I get back, but I"m not sure how or what i feel. I didn't hear from him in nearly a week and decided (in my drunken stupor) "fuck it! I can't be bothered with this shit" but as he always seems to do, he came around when it mattered. He seems to sense when I've really had it. So he sent me this really sweet email and now I just miss the bastard again. *sigh* When did I become such a GIRL (I hate it).
But LONG story short, I have decided that each and every day is a gift from whatever powers are at work in this universe, and I shall do my best to enjoy each to the fullest. Not many people get the chance to be where I am, it's time i recognized how lucky I am.