lonely days evolve into even lonlier nights..
My husband is gone for deployment. Not even a full year after I get him back. Not only does it suck that he's gone for a year, minus the 2 weeks he gets to come home for rest & recooperation. Our son will be born by then, I can't believe it. Kaedyn Lee is due December 11th, 2009.. I know he won't stay in my belly that long though.
A lot has changed with Ray and I. Reading our old entries makes me feel like we aren't even the same people anymore. All we've done since we moved here is argue, drink, and stay away from each other. I mean, yeah, we've had our good times, too.. but something is wrong when the bad times outnumber the good ones.
I'm hoping this deployment, and the highly anticipated arrival of our son, will make us better. Who knows? I miss him so much though that I regret so many things I said to him. I know I'm learning from this.. but is he? Sucks not being able to really talk about things. I don't want to talk about how I feel to him because I don't want him or NEED him to start thinking about anything negative while he's over there.
*sigh*
I think I need sleep..
I've been staying up at night and sleeping all day. It's no wonder I don't get anything done. I'm pretty useless lately.
A lot has changed with Ray and I. Reading our old entries makes me feel like we aren't even the same people anymore. All we've done since we moved here is argue, drink, and stay away from each other. I mean, yeah, we've had our good times, too.. but something is wrong when the bad times outnumber the good ones.
I'm hoping this deployment, and the highly anticipated arrival of our son, will make us better. Who knows? I miss him so much though that I regret so many things I said to him. I know I'm learning from this.. but is he? Sucks not being able to really talk about things. I don't want to talk about how I feel to him because I don't want him or NEED him to start thinking about anything negative while he's over there.
*sigh*
I think I need sleep..
I've been staying up at night and sleeping all day. It's no wonder I don't get anything done. I'm pretty useless lately.