(no subject)
I'm trying so hard right now not
to cry, not to cut myself, not to scream, not to breathe. This is how
fucked up I am right now. I wish I was high. i wish I was drunk, I wish
there was nothing but black void streched in front of my eyes. Nothing
ever, ever goes right for me. I went to Canada, and the trip there
sucked. I might as well have been invisable. And then I did the
stupiest thing. I forgot the insurance papers in Aarons car...as well
as the only key and title to the car. The car that I finally was
getting, and the way I was getting home the next day. When i realized
my mistake (like ten mins later), we drove like mad back to the tunnel
trying to catch them, but it was to late. When i called Aaron, I guess
he had started drinking, and wouldn't bring the shit to me even when I
offered to pay him. So instead we went to the bar got drunk, I puked,
tried not to cry. And finally fell asleep. So the next day Claude
called me a cab, and it cost me 70+ dollars to get a ride home. All
because I was stranded in Canada due to my stupidity. I don't even want
to get into how much I've cried over this. So now I'm fucked. I'm broke
and I still have no car. Nothing ever goes right in my life. And I
realized something else, I'm not cared about very much. I guess theres
nothing I can do about it, if I'm not cared about I'm not cared about.
But I wonder if I had just not come home, if anyone would have even
noticed.....