(no subject)
I have a lot of complaining to do. Sorry in advance.
Today, I don't even know how to explain it. Probably the worst day I have ever had within like the past 5 years. It was ridiculous. Lets start off with this morning. My dad comes in and is like Get Up Ashley like he does every morning because I am always late to school. I always get up around 6:30 and I am ready I just have to wait for Courtney and thats why were always late. Well my dad was just bitching at me all morning to get up even though I woke up on time. Wtf. That pissed me off but I left it go. When I was ready I was like Court hurry up I need to be on time. but of course we didnt leave till 7:30 and we have to leave by at the latest 725. After that I got to school. Everything was awesome. 5th hour dragged a little bit but it was fine.
Afterschool I went to meet my sister by her locker to go to her car. Well she didn't tell me my mom was picking me up. So I went outside looking for my mom and she wasn't there. Usually shes a few minutes late which is fine. I waited for 15 minutes. Walking up and down 11 mile and down to the end parking lot. No mom. Went inside and got courts phone and tried calling her work I was on hold for about 5 minutes. Right then my mom pulls up. About 20 minutes late. Got in the car. "Where were you" .. "Sorry I wasnm't paying attnetion" That was fine. Then I asked perfectly nicely "Do you think you can be on time cause its easier for us cause Court didn't know if she had to drive me and her Softball coach would've yelled at her" and she flipped out. Just started yelling at me you know. And shes like "I always have to be on time for you.. you're so fucking selfish" and I was like .. mom.. every single time you pick me up youre like 15 minutes late. I was just saying .. I was sticking up for myself cause I didn't do anything wrong. She just bitched some more and I was just like whatever and then shes like "God everything is all about you all the time and I stood up for myself again. She smacked me in the face and told me not to talk back. I swear to god if she ever hits me again I'm going to punch her in the face. Then I got really upset I was just in one of those moods where you always feel victimized (cause I do) and I just started to cry. (Not like balling but you know) Then shes like .. God you're such a baby. All you care about is your damn self. Then I just stopped talking. Wasn't worth it. Got home and my dad got on my case about why I was being so curt and blunt when he was just talking to me. I told him about why I was in a bad mood and whatnot and he just blew it off and was like.. "Well deal with it" Thanks dad. Then I just took a nap and I got up. My mom asked me to do something for her. She was just going along like nothing had happened.. I just didn't say anything. ANd shes like "Oh are you still mad at me?" and I didn't say anything again. Is so fucking stupid. They should be fucking lucky. Not to sound consided or anything but I am a good person and I don't do anything bad. Its so sick because they don't appreciate anything. I've never felt this upset because of my family before ever. I swear I just want to move out so badly it ridiculous.
K that was problem #1
Then i went to volleyball practice and it was really good. Everyone kicked ass. Then we scrimmaged the 15s and we sucked completely. I was you know trying to bring people up a little bit but I was still flustered about my day. Ailene was too. But then I just stoppped because it seems like no one ever listens or acknowledges anything that I say which is fine whatever ... same at home too. Then Tom was like.. "Get the sour puss off your face" That really set me off. Sorry Im not going to be happy go lucky every damn second and bring this team together when Im having the worst day of my life and I feel like its pointless when I even talk. UHhhhhhhhhh
All day I've just been having random bursts of tears because Im so frustrated with everything. Its not even just one of those days when youre in a bad mood for no reason. I started out fine but everyone in my family just seemed like they wanted to get the best of me for no fucking reason. Its so aggrivating. I've been like this for like the past 2 days but today was the worst. Im just so sick of me always being wrong even when Im just trying to stick up for myself. And Im not even being a drama queen and pitying myself. I haven't even explained the worst of it. I dont know if its just pressure, aggrivation or what but I dont know I just really need someone or something right now to get me out of this fucked up mental state because its killing me. Today honestly just makes me want to die and I would never say that If I didn't mean it. Its ridiculous. Im just tired of it all and I dont know how to deal with it. thats the whole thing. I dont feel like I should have to change anything as stubborn as that sounds. I just feel like everyone hates me and I am wrong in how I think how I talk how I act the things I do and just everything and it needs to stop.